Why Korean?

I was having lunch with a co-worker today and the topic of blogging came up.  Soon, I got around to telling him about Kimchi Mamas, and how our new group blog is all about being mothers who have in common Korean culture, in some fashion. At that point, my coworker became quite introspective and seemed to have something terribly important to say or ask, but was not being forthcoming. "I want to ask you something," he started," but it's a really weird question."  I said, "Uh huh?"  He hesitated again, looked at his hands, and hemmed and hawed some more. "You're going to think this is really strange..." he said "Okay, now I'm getting scared." I joked.  "Come on... out with it!"  "Why Korean culture?" he blurted.  "You don't speak Korean. You've only been there once.  I don’t understand the interest."  Those are hardly strange questions," I replied quickly, and then realized I didn't have any neat answers to provide.

My Korean mother came to the United Statesin the early nineteen-fifties, from Seoul, on a scholarship to the University of Hawaii. She had been a star pupil at her high school and was singled out to study abroad with the intention of obtaining her BA degree from an American university, then returning to Korea to do great things like become a doctor, lawyer, or opera singer.  I have a picture of my mom as a proud, young student posing with then-president of Korea, Syngman Rhee. She was nineteen or twenty when she crossed the wide Pacific on a very large boat.

Time passed, things happened, my mom met my dad (a big American guy from Montana who also happened to be studying at the U. of Hawaii), and married him promptly.  My parents soon dropped out of school and spent their time driving around the island, stealing pineapples and laughing about it. So much for my mom's plan to return to Korea, as her mother never would have forgiven her daughter for failing to finish University and for marrying an American!

My parents then moved to the Pacific Northwest (where my dad’s parents lived), then, after a brief stint as artsy Beatniks in Eugene, OR, they settled in  Southern California. I was born in the mid-sixties. Parents divorced in 1970 and I was raised primarily by my mother.

The point of my story is that I was not raised Korean in any way. My mom had rejected her culture and roots by marrying an American—a guy as opposite from her abusive, wife-beating, alcoholic father as possible. She had left Korea in the mid-fifties and had stayed away for twenty five years, until she and I visited together in 1980. It was during that trip when I met my “halmonie” for the first time. We didn’t interact, as the old woman didn’t speak a lick of English, and I was too shy to engage her directly. Being fifteen at the time, I had no idea of what weird and uncomfortable family dynamics might have transpired during that visit. I got along well with my seventeen cousins; I visited a bunch of cool places (like Kyong Ju, a burial ground for ancient kings); and enjoyed eating dried cuttlefish in the street and meeting my aunts and uncles.  In retrospect, it is my guess that my Halmonie found me disgraceful because I was the product of a mixed marriage and represented my mother’s failure as a daughter and potential scholar. I only speculate, but have heard no compelling evidence to contradict this belief.

I am interested in Korean culture because it is my history, it’s part of who I am, and, most of all, it is part of what my daughter is. I want Honeybee to know about her roots. Because I, like my mother, married a white guy, (though not an American – he’s Canadian), my daughter is one-quarter Korean. She’s even more removed than I from the source culture, but in many ways, she has already been exposed to more than I ever had been until recently. 

We celebrated Honeybee’s “Baek-il” at 100 days and had one rockin’ ass “Dol” celebration for her one year anniversary.  She attends a daycare run by a Korean-born woman (of my mom's generation) and her half-Korean/half-African-American daughter, and hears the language spoken frequently.  She calls her grandmother (my mother) “Halmonie.”  She loves mandu. I will continue to expose Honeybee to things and people Korean and will foster in her a profound appreciation for her roots from my side of the family. In the process, I will discover my own roots—which I missed out on for most of my life—until having had a child of my own.

-Twizzle

Comments

[cherl]

I just came upon this website via the blogging baby website. Interesting post. This could have easily been written by me (with just a change or two). Funny to read another's story that is so similar to my own.

[Linda B]

Hmmm, I guess I would have felt a bit taken aback by his question, too. But at the same time, I might have answered "Why not?" Just because you don't ooze your ethnicity doesn't mean you aren't interested or don't want to learn more about it. Many people don't even know that my family speaks Korean, that I cook Korean food or that my daughter speaks mostly Korean because I don't talk about it all the time, but that doesn't mean I'm not vested in my culture. We should all be interested in learning and exploring who we are and where we came from.

[daddy in a strange land]

Okay, your friend specifically referenced the language issue and your lack of experience with the "homeland," but still, your post made me think...

Do you think you would've been asked this question if you weren't hapa? If you were just your average assimilated/acculturated/several-generations-removed-from-immigration Korean American (with two ethnically Korean/Korean American parents), would your connection to/claim on Korean identity and community have been questioned?

Multiracial people get this kind of thing from all sides, all too often. And again, looking at the diversity of experiences of the contributors to this blog, the unifying thing here seems to me to be a connection to a Korean "diaspora" (I'd say "Korean-American-ness, but we can't forget Irene!), and the experiences of the descendants of Korean emigrants in a racially polarized society like the U.S. are both totally different from those of people in the ancestral homeland and, more important, link those people and experiences together. Language loss, cultural change and syncretism, the experience of historical racism, the emergence of hyphenated identity and panethnic "racial" identity in solidarity with other "Asians" in American, miscegenation and multiraciality, all things things bind us together and in no way devalue any claim on or connection to "Koreanness," "Korean-Americanness," "Asianness," or "Asian-Americanness," and indeed help to inform and define those identities as they are constructed by individuals and communities over time.

[Izzy]

I can't tell you how much your post touched me. There are many parts of it that echo my own life, right down to the trip to Seoul with my mom, meeting my maternal grandmother (halmonie) and taking the zillion hour bus ride to the ancient burial grounds. I was only 6 but I have distinct memories and of course, some photos and souvenir books. The street vendors were great. I never ate so much candy in my life!

(I should mention...I am adopted so I am not Asian but I lived the culture at home for the first 13 years of my life)

[OTT]

I think people forget how identity is very much self identification. Do you have to reject some part of your personal make-up because your blood is "too diluted" to claim it?

[Alex]

I really liked reading this post. I am also a Korean-American who speaks not a lick of Korean but would like to raise my daughter with as much of her ancestral culture as possible. If possible I'd love to get the contact info for your daycare provider. I also happen to live in Oakland. You can email me privately if you wish, thanks very much.

[Kim]

What a wonderful site. I came across this site through MOMster. I am half Korean also (through my mother) and I don't know a single thing about the culture. I do however know how to make a few Korean dishes (i.e. kimchi and various meats). Thank you for sharing your story and helping to create this awesome site!

[mitch]

my mother-in-law "Halmonie" is abusive to my children and the whole family. She carries a stick and hits my son 4, my daughter 11, her 2 daughters 35 and 24, her boyfriend and even the kenneled Shitzu cannot escape her wrath. She puts my son in the closet and makes him hold his arms straight out until exhaustion. Tugging ears and pinching cheeks until tears and crying are run of the mill. Both daughters bruised at work. My son is a GHOST. Terrified of EVERYTHING.He hates his Halmonie but submits for fear of punishment. My daughter knows but tells me I don't want to get hit Daddy. Unmarried and alone at 60, the entire family supports her and helps and works for her.Is all or part of this abuse related to the Korean culture? Not trying to offend but I am a loving father with no answers.

[brenda]

interesting story, very moving. i agree that we all need to know where we come from it is who we are. my husband is korean, i'm mexican and we have 2 boys and another one coming and we are teaching our children they roots and because it's who they are!

[girlatastartup]

What a great story and bio. It's great to know that you're teaching your daughter aspects of Korean culture.

[sbaw]

Mitch - I don't believe abuse is part of any culture. You should not let it happen to your very own children. Be a father and protect your children.

[mom in baltimore]

Mitch, Yes. Abuse is definitely part of Korean culture. It comes from many factors in the culture but it's there. However, do NOT accept this and PLEASE protect your children.

[Dean]

Very interesting post and blog. I came across this randomly looking for Korean recipes. I'm not Korean, but share your Asian roots...my mother is half Chinese, quarter Philipino, quarter English, and my dad was German/Scottish American. I was born in Taiwan and grew up as part of an military ex-pat family in the far east (Japan, Hong Kong, Thailand, Laos) until we moved to the States when I was 15. Even though my sister and I came out looking more like my dad than my mom, growing up in the Far East made us more aware of our Eurasian roots (all our friends were mixed white/black/asian), and coming to the US in high school was like coming in a foreign country.

My Chinese roots are very important to me, and I enjoy all Asian foods and culture. Living on the west coast makes it easier with the Pacific Rim lifestyle and large Asian communities. I applaud you and your blog friends for trying to find a Korean connection and passing that onto your children.