The APA Parenting Meme

The APA Parenting Meme

Mombloggers and dadbloggers who happen to be Asian Pacific American (APA) have been sharing their unique experiences at the intersection of race, culture, family and parenting with the blogosphere for a while now.  We [we being eliaday of Kimchi Mamas and daddy in a strange land of the the Rice Daddies] thought an APA Parenting Meme would be a fun way to open up dialogue and get ideas flowing (for those of us afflicted with writer's block or blog fatigue).  We're not experts, and in no way are we trying to be definitive or essentialist - we just hope that these questions will get us started talking about experiences we have in common as APA parents, things we don't talk about and share enough.  We're posting our answers to this meme on both our solo and group blogs and tagging 3 of our blogging brothas and sistas to represent and then tag some more.  The questions are short, but, like everything, are open to interpretation, as is this meme, so hapas, transracial adoptees, non-Asians who married in, immigrants to 6th-generation, parents of teens or folks still planning their first, you're all game.

I'm tagging weigook saram, Nina, and CityMama.

1. I am:

     third generation Chinese American

2. My kids are:

 Chinese-Korean American

3. I first realized I was APA when:

    I discovered that my nursery school teacher with black hair was NOT APA.

4. People think my name is:

    Delta Horn - my last name in print looks kind of like Horn, but it just goes to show, people tend to expect more "white" names like Horn versus my Chinese last name.

5. The family tradition I most want to pass on is:

    Having family dinners together.   

6. The family tradition I least want to pass on is:

    Crazy superstitions about the auspicious dates for holding certain events.

7. My child's first word in English was:

    CAT!!

8. My child's first non-English word was:

    Nai-nai (milk in Chinese

9. The non-English word/phrase most used in my home is:

    POP!! (rice in Korean, followed closely by KIM!! - seaweed)

10. One thing I love about being an APA parent is:

    The tight community amongst other APA parents.

11. One thing I hate about being an APA parent is:

    Constantly being told that my daughter looks like a little doll.  She's no china doll!!

12. The best thing about being part of an APA family is:

    Being encouraged and supported throughout my many years of education.

13. The worst thing about being part of an APA family is:

    Not hugging very often.

14. To me, being Asian Pacific American means:

 Walking a tightrope - It's a little scary sometimes without something to hold on to, but ultimately, enthralling as long as you don't look down.

~ eliaday

Comments

[twizzle]

Okay - I'll play:

1. I am:
the daughter of a first generation Korean woman and a 2nd generation American (Caucasian) man. (Grandparents are Canadian-born.)

2. My kid is:

1/4 Korean and 3/4 Caucasian. (To be more specific, she is half-Scottish!)

3. I first realized I was APA when, starting in Kindergarten, white kids would ask me, "Are you Chinese? Are you Japanese?" Then they'd recite that little racist ditty, "Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these (holding out t-shirt with both sets of fingers to convey a large set of knockers.)

4. People think my name is: Completely Celtic. I regret that I abandoned my Korean middle name (mother's maiden name) when I got married. Think I'll reclaim it soon.

5. The family tradition I most want to pass on is:

A love of cooking and eating together as a family.

6. The family tradition I least want to pass on is:
Elitism, classism. Guilt!!

7. My child's first word in English was: BURP!

8. My child's first non-English word was: CABEZA (Spanish, learned from the Mexican nanny at her Korean-American daycare)

9. The non-English word/phrase most used in my home is: Halmoni

10. One thing I love about being an APA parent is:
Bonding with other APA parents.

11. One thing I hate about being an APA parent is: Having to deal with elitist Koreans who say my daughter is a "white girl."

12. The best thing about being part of an APA family is: fitting in perfectly in Oakland, CA.

13. The worst thing about being part of an APA family is: Don't get me started...

14. To me, being Asian Pacific American means:
Having dark brown hair and almond-flavored eyes. Having been asked all my life by white people: "What ARE you?" And, a quiet pride that my daughter and I are connected to a centuries-old Korean blood line that goes back to the days of Confucius or earlier.

Twizzle

[eliaday]

You know, for a long time, I didn't realize the implications of that little ditty (chinese, japanese, etc...). The kids in my school used to use their fingers to make their eyes look more "slanted." I thought it was funny too when I was little; I didn't realize that it related to my identity. And then, when I got to college, I discovered the implications of dirty knees... then I got all angry about it.

[twizzle]

I didn't get the implications of dirty knees until I thought about it just now!

...which reminds me of an old joke (though completely unrelated to this APA meme):

How can you tell who's the Head Nurse?

She's the one with the dirty knees.

Haw haw.

[eliaday]

Don't worry, I don't think I really thought about it until I read American Knees by Shawn Wong (I think the title is meant to come directly from that ditty). Interestingly enough, it was made into an indie film directed by Eric Byler, and they renamed the movie Americanese.

[Lily]

I hope you don't mind that I add my apa meme here. Just found your site and it's great!! Thanks for sharing.

1. I am:
second generation Canadian-Korean

2. My kids are:
Korean American Canadians

3. I first realized I was APA when:
A stupid boy in second grade made fun of me by pulling his eyes back and making those "ching-chong" sounds. He used to bully me because I was different.

4. People think my name is:
Is an African-American name - even though lots of Asians have it - it must be from Eddie Murphy's "Delirious" video.

5. The family tradition I most want to pass on is:
Having good work ethics and being generous with others. Also having family dinners together

6. The family tradition I least want to pass on is:
Being cheap, being arrogant and stupid traditions that don't hold true in today's society.

7. My child's first word in English was:
Dang-dang (Thank you)

8. My child's first non-English word was:
Ummah (Mommy in Korean)

9. Non-English word/phrase most used in my home is:
Ooyou (Milk in Korean, followed closely by Pop and Kook - rice and soup)

10. One thing I love about being an APA parent is:
The sense of culture, tradition and identy I can teach my kids.

11. One thing I hate about being an APA parent is:
People assuming that English is a second language for me or that I don't speak English at all. Hey, speaking louder won't make someone understand better!!

12. The best thing about being part of an APA family is:
The unity and cultural identity we share.

13. The worst thing about being part of an APA family is:
Trying to balance being both Korean and Canadian/American. It is hard when certain expectations are placed on you by both sides of the family and you have to bite your tongue everytime you disagree.

14. To me, being Asian Pacific American means:
Being about to balance the positive aspects of both Korean and weikook society and having a strong sense of identity.