Asian Man/ White Woman Couple in NYT

Before I started blogging, I had never met another white woman married to an Asian (or Asian-American) man. I'd seen a few on the streets of San Francisco, but I could hardly walk up to a stranger and say, "Hey, I'm married to an Asian man too!" Slowly, over the past couple of years, I've tapped into an online community of other women in marriages like mine, and I've even been lucky enough to meet a few of them in real life. It might not seem like a big deal, but for some reason it makes me feel good to know that there are other (happy!) couples like us in the world. It's also nice to be able to share funny stories about cultural differences with other women who get it because they've been there.

I rarely see white woman/ Asian man couples in the media either, and when I do the relationships are usually portrayed in a negative way. So I was pleased to see a Korean man/ white woman couple in the New York Times Weddings and Celebrations section. Yeah, I know it's cheesy, but their video made me smile. Congratulations Elizabeth and Hana!

Comments

[Nina]

That was a really sweet video =)

[eliaday]

I think it's sweet too, but unless I missed it, I don't think they ever once used the word love.

[Glennia]

I thought that was a very nice video. What a cool record of their engagement story to have. They are a lovely couple!

[beloved]

Aw, that was so sweet! And I know exactly where you are coming from; I always enjoy hearing about other (happy!) interracial couples too. :o)

[L.]

When my husband and I got married, at the US Embassy in Tokyo, the clerk there told us that about 70% of international marriages they see were the Japanese female/American male marriages. We were in the 30% minority.

I always joke that I`ve been trying to turn my husband into a Western male, ever since I met him -- and turned myself into an Asian female in the process.

Heh heh heh....

[Angela]

They're very sweet. You're right, Asian male/Caucasian females relationships are rather rare, nice to see them represented. I love reading the NY Times Weddings section and seeing the videos, I'm a hopeless romantic!

[carol]

I am such a sucker for these "how we met" videos ... what an adorable couple. My little brother just started dating a Korean-American adoptee, but doesn't want to tell my parents yet so they don't get overly excited, I think Asian-American sons get so much more pressure put on them than daughters.

[OTRgirl]

Obviously, I was also glad to see an Asian male/white female represented.

The main reason I bonded with our realtor in Baltimore is that she's a white woman married to a Korean man. My husband came home during our phone conversation. By then we were discussing in-law quirks and things we've done to adapt. When I got off the phone he coulen't believe it when I announced, "That was our realtor!"

It is always good to be able to talk with other people who get it on a gut level.

[Nancy]

I'm a white female married to an Asian male, and I've only met a handful of other couples like us.

[Phitlee]

Hey, sista...

It is crazy how we (hub-Korean, me-white as Wonder...) notice those things, eh? I remember seeing a pregnant couple like that and wanting to hug the heck out of them... but I figured I'd probably have a PPO issued faster that you can say kim bap.

[Dahee]

Oh yes! I had felt the same way, since I had also become acutely aware I was in the minority as a white female married to a Korean male. Then again, I feel like an asian women in a white women's body at times. ^^

[Nikka]

Can someone tell me their names so i can locate the vid??
:(

[lucy]

I am a very beautiful Chinese woman. I am seeking a white man.

[David]

I am a very handsome Asian man and I am seeking a white woman.

[Hannah]

Here's the link to the video:

http://video.on.nytimes.com/index.jsp?fr_story=09f11583ee9b78ab275503214000075ab9db96fe&rf=rss

It's so great to hear about all of you.. as a white woman with a korean boyfriend, it's nice to know there are others out there who appreciate the charm of asian men!

[Hannah]

Here's the link to the video:

http://video.on.nytimes.com/index.jsp?fr_story=09f11583ee9b78ab275503214000075ab9db96fe&rf=rss

It's so great to hear about all of you.. as a white woman with a korean boyfriend, it's nice to know there are others out there who appreciate the charm of asian men!

[S]

"The main reason I bonded with our realtor in Baltimore is that she's a white woman married to a Korean man. My husband came home during our phone conversation. By then we were discussing in-law quirks and things we've done to adapt. When I got off the phone he couldn't believe it when I announced, "That was our realtor!"

It is always good to be able to talk with other people who get it on a gut level."

Oh man, that realtor (Mrs. Yu) is trying to sell the house right next to me in Ellicott City, MD. Wow, the world is small, small place.

[megan]

I'm a white girl dating a native Japanese. It's a little strange for us (we live in a fairly small town, only about 40,000), but I have a community of friends very nearby...one of my girlfriends (white) is dating a native Chinese, while another one is dating a Japanese-American. Needless to say, this is quite unusual, and we are basically the only three couples in the town like this I am aware of.
My parents don't approve of us at all, and his parents want him to focus on school right now more than anything. At the moment, we don't really know how HIS parents will react to our being together...and we're too young to worry about getting married, so I probably won't know for a while.
I find my closest friends fairly supportive. The Japanese exchange students we meet at school are always excited for us, but surprised that we're a couple. Most white GUYS I talk to are extremely taken-aback by the idea of me dating an Asian man and can be very rude in their questions of WHY (not to generalize that all white guys do this...but a lot do to me. They seem almost disgusted with it...which disgusts me). Most of my girlfriends don't understand the attraction there (but support me)...so I am certainly lucky in having the two who are dating Asian men.
It's hard for us white girls who are with Asian guys I think. Obviously the AF/WM union is much more prominent (above poster mentioned 70% for Japanese). I find myself wanting to watch movies or read books about people like me...interact more with people like me, because we DO get such strange looks and comments.
It disturbs me, in a way, how close-minded people still are. They can accept an AF/WM union, but not the other way around? (That doesn't even figure in other races). I'm ranting now.
But it's nice to know other people are out there like me.

[Bob L]

AM/WF union is getting more popular now. The reason AF/WM is more common because in the dating game, whoman is the one that picks. Asian women tend to be easier and weak-minded than white women. Also, many asian women married white men for their money vesus most white women married asian men for purely love. I also heard many sad but real stories about asian women are beat up by their white husbands after marriage.

[Hyun-Suk]

I'm actually seeing a lot more AM/WF marriages going on especially with Koreans. I hope my parents are as nice since I might marry a white girl and they want me to marry a Korean girl. I've actually never had an asian girlfriend and my white friends are surprised when they find out I've gone out with a white girl, a black girl, and a jewish girl and not an Asian. the ones that don't know that I've never dated an Asian girl assume I only go out with asian women. But still the percentages a year or so ago was approx. 70-30 percent. the latter representing the Asian male white female. Still there are a lot of Asian-Caucasian marriages going on so out of like 10,000: 3,000 is between an Asian Male and white female. There's my two cents.

[Black lady from London, UK]

I would love to meet a beautiful, strong,tall and cultured Asian man.
I travelled to Korea in 2005 and met the most stunning men, however I was married at the time.
Now, I am divorced, and ready to date again.
Drop me an email: samjo@t-mobile-sidekick.co.uk

[Robert]

"My parents don't approve of us at all, and his parents want him to focus on school right now more than anything."

Glad to know that in this day and age bigotry extends beyond black-white couples.

[Amber]

I am part of the asian/white club....I just got married two weeks ago to my Korean husband (!) Our families are awesome about the relationship although there have been a few bumps along the way. We too, get happy when we see other couple "like us" which are few and far between in the south where we live.

[G. Chell]

Amber:

You are courageous!! Hopefully you are not living in the backwoods of Northern Georgia, MS, Alabama, SC or Louisiana!!

[Amber]

Ha....no....we are in Raleigh, so a majority of the folks here have relocated from the north anyway. I am originally from Ohio and he is from New Jersey, so we are not "true" southerners anyway :) But we have had the occasional stare from one of the "good ole boys" around here.

[Cat]

Hi,

I'm new here and up until yesterday I had a Korean boyfriend...long story. Anyway, I'm just wondering, how many of you with Korean husbands married the first son?

[Amber]

I married the youngest son- but none of the older siblings are married yet. His parents weren't too thrilled with their "baby" getting hitched first, but they have gotten used to it, as has his other three siblings.

[myuneuri]

I have been married to a Korean man for 8 years. Where we live in Canada we are nothing special. We can't go to any public place without seeing a couple justs like us. There are lots of non Korean women out there married to Korean men. If you are looking for online communities, just do a search on Facebook or Yahoo.

[EM]

There is an online Korean community on Facebook ??? I thought Facebook was mostly for college students.

[myuneuri]

There is a community for western women married to Korean men. Facebook is not just for college people anymore. It is spreading through Canada like wildfire.

[EM]

Oh wow I didn't know such community existed. Could you post a link to one on facebook.

[myuneuri]

Just put in this search and it will give you the group you need.

western girls married to Korean guys

[Stephanie]

I am a white woman who just married a wondeful Korean man this past June! I too am interested in speaking with other couples of the same background. My husband is the eldest son on both sides of his family. His family has always treated me very well and we get along great. However, it is tough sometimes with cultural differences, especially since I come from a very small family and his is very large.

[Leslie]

Hey, wow, I'm glad I found this. I just had some questions for you ladies married to/dating Korean, in terms of cutural "bumps" you've experienced in your relationship and also your experience with your in laws??? I lived in Korea for a year, but have to admit there is still a lot I don't understand about Korean culture, and what is acceptable and what is not...Any stories/examples/advice you can give me?!

[myuneuri]

Leslie,
Come on over to the facebook group dedicated to us!

[G. Chell]

Stephanie:

Glad to know that we will continue to have families like the Kims where the Korean father gave up his life to help his Caucasian wife and their children.

[Erin]

I am a white girl currently in a dating relationship with an Asian-American guy. He's really wonderful, but unfortuantely, most of my family can't see it that way. It's so horrible to know that they think of me as "dating down" and they see his slanted eyes instead of the wonderful and beautiful person he truly is. It really does hurt me because I'm not sure that the opposition will ever be resolved (unless my father and his parents suddenly kick the bucket, which is an awful thing to want)

[Cynthia]

Don't forget that Jon in Jon and Kate plus 8 (TLC show) is half Korean (he looks at least 3/4 Asian to me, but apparently he's half. It's interesting how mixes/genes go)

[yong]

hi, its interesting to read your comments here. I am a chinese BUT in germany:) And I have a german girlfriend and We will marry soon! We have less problems here in germany. Maybe the most nazis lives now in USA?:)Some yougers disturb but They dare to say nothing:(). glad to hear from you and welcome to germany! heyong_ulm@hotmail.com

[Xibee]

I have written often about being a white woman with Asian boyfriends, (previously all Chinese) and now being the wife of a Korean man. I have spent my whole life with Asian men, because certain of them just make me crumple up inside and go Wow. No idea why. It's always been that way. White guys just aren't what I like.

(BTW, Hana and Elizabeth seem pretty stiff and dorky in that video, but I'm sure they're probably well suited. They seem alike.)

Finally after being married three years, this November we'll get to go to Korea to meet my Uhmunee and Abunim. Even though I'm no longer a young daughter-in-law, and they are senior citizens, I am craving advice! Please give me any info I should think about when first meeting my in-laws. Tell me anything! I know almost no Hangul, I'm in big trouble... and my husband isn't a great translator. This should be interesting.

P.S. I tried that Facebook and it didn't support my e-mail address because it's not a standard one : (

[myuneuri]

Xibee,

I have been married to a Korean man for eight years. We met and married in Korea, so I know a little bit about being a daughter-in-law in Korea, hence my username. I would love to help you, but it would be helpful to have more information about your situation. It may not be wise to put too many details in such a public place. It is too bad about the Facebook thing. Some people just get generic email accounts to use for that site from hotmail etc. to help protect their privacy.

Here is just some generic advice:

Learn some basic Korean greetings that you will use with them. Greetings are very important. If you can, learn some phrases to ask about their health, and to offer them food etc. using the honorific form.

Bring gifts to show your concern for their health and comfort such as vitamins, health foods, long underwear. Your husband will know what is best.

Do a big formal bow (sae bae) like the one done at Lunar New Year when you first greet them at home. Normally you would do the bow like at pye bek, but your family may not be this traditional.

If your in-laws still live in their home on their own, try and show your care by encouraging them to rest and doing household tasks.

Show your willingness to learn your MILs recipes.

Be prepared to get asked about babies:) My MIL told me at the age of 25 that I wasn't getting any younger, so I'd better get to it.

I can't think of anything more off the top of my head right now. I'd better get it together though, we are also going to Korea see ummoni and aboji next month.

[Robert]

I am a white girl currently in a dating relationship with an Asian-American guy. He's really wonderful, but unfortuantely, most of my family can't see it that way. "It's so horrible to know that they think of me as "dating down" and they see his slanted eyes instead of the wonderful and beautiful person he truly is. It really does hurt me because I'm not sure that the opposition will ever be resolved (unless my father and his parents suddenly kick the bucket, which is an awful thing to want)."

As I have said earlier I am glad to not that the white bigotry extends to Asian Americans contrary to the claim of many white Americans, unless of course you are Al Gore's daughter...

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20046345,00.html

[Jiang]

How about Chinese. I am Chinese male, are there any Chinese men married to None-Asian women out there. I am really interested to hear the story.

[:)]

Actually I am Korean male but there are many Chinese men married to Non-Asian women. I think Chinese men are definitely more popular than Korean men.

[mrs.yoon]

hi! I'm a white girl married to a korean man. after hearing all your stories an all, I guess I'm extremly lucky. I live with my in-laws, and they love me as their own daughter, I can't really speak korean, and they can't speek english, but our bond is so close, they take my side when me and my husband have a fight or something ;D I love my umma and appa, they tought me so much of their culture, and are so excepting, especialy for elder peoples. the only problems I have in my marriage is between me and my husband, not my in-laws. he seems to expect ALOT from me, and it makes me stressed out alot. I feel like I have to stay verry skinny to be atractive to him because asian women are thin, I have to work long hours for our bussiness and come home and cleanup after him, I have to except that I'm second to his korean family, and I'm ignored alot because I says its hard to listen to me sometimes when I'm spaeking english -.-
any help?

[mrs.yoon]

I ment, "he says its hard to listen to me sometimes when I'm spaeking english"
... sorry ^^

[:)]

To Mrs.Yoon, Your case is too weird. So much so that, I suspect you are not who you say you are. Come on stop making this stuff up.

[myuneuri]

mrs. yoon,

If you live in Korea, consider contacting International Spouses of Korea Association (ISKA). They can provide you with support and resources.

www.iskakorea.com

[Jiang]

I am now having troubles finding girls. Is it true that in America, Asian men are not considered attracitive???

Do American women believe the sterotytpes imposed on Asian men such as small penis, dog eating, beating wives, and nerdy????

please someone help me.

[pham]

jiang,
unfortunately being an asian male in america is a curse that will plague you for the rest of your life. you will have to work a thousand times harder to get any woman to date you, given all of these obstacles that you will face. to be blunt, most american women ( of any background ) will view an asian male as crippled or maimed, as objects viewed for derision and apathy. you will not have a chance unless you are financially well off - and not just being in the middle class either. i am talking top 5 percent of income. i am a physician, a former professional dancer, published poet, drug/alchohol/tobacco free - you would expect that it might be easy to meet women in america. lol. it is true, at least in my experience, that white women will absolutely not give you the time of day, despite how much time and money you lavish them with. and yes, i have been asked numerous times by women if i had eaten dogs before. certainly there are exceptions, but rule of thumb is that you will face a obstacle that is almost insurmountable. word of advice - save your money and travel to asia or europe or south america, where the people are more likely to embrace you as a human being rather than objects.