Oori

In Korean (and other Confucian-derived value system) culture, there is the concept of oori, which is a word that translates more or less into "us" or "ours". It permeates Korean societal order and dictates family roles and responsibilities. Often when one refers to her parents, she would say oori um-ma, oori ap-pa, "our mom", "our dad" instead of "my mom", "my dad", because no one singularly owns any relationship. We all belong to one another. Oori guides the actions of the community, government policies and even the way businesses are financed and run. It stresses loyalty, putting family first, coming together to help bring everyone up, truly leaving no one behind to fend for themselves if you can help it. It means that if you feel happiness, everyone shares in that joy. And if you experience a setback, you are not left to get through it alone. But it can also mean if the ship is sinking, we don't go outside of our tight-knit circle for help - at least not voluntarily - even if it means we're all going down with it (think Korean chaebol banking scandal in the '90s). While I've grown up in the U.S., in the Midwest no less, and I believe in personal responsibility and being in control of one's own success or failure, I've never been able to escape the pull of oori. Even when oori has let me down, I still return to it with hope of finding ... something.

In its ideal form, it's a beautiful concept - something that I continue to look for by seeking out a Korean-American community and friendships online, since I haven't found it in my everyday life.

It's also a burden, in cases where Koreans and Korean-Americans are put front and center like the Virginia Tech murders. Because not only can we not avoid being lumped together as a culture or race or sub-set of American society that is responsible for "producing" or "creating" such an individual, but then there is the instinctive reaction to feel somehow responsible for something you had nothing to do with, that the actions of one are the actions of all. Even if we know intellectually that this is simply not true, and other Asians and even non-Koreans tell us they recognize that it's not true (thank you to all our supportive regulars and friends).

I have had a difficult time trying to assemble anything coherent out of everything I have been feeling  and relate it to my Korean-American perspective and experience, because it's so outside and beyond my construct of reality or realm of possibility. I still haven't been able to find the words, or string together any ideas to contribute to the thoughtful discussion and critical issues to help us move on emotionally. I guess I just want to say that now, I extend all the best and good intentions of oori to the lives that were taken, to those who have been heartbroken, angered, bewildered, and shaken by this. I know that I am affected on many levels: as an American, as a Korean-American, as a child of immigrants, as a parent, as a mother of a son (I cannot even begin to imagine how the mother in this situation must feel), and just as a human, period. Because so many innocent have been affected by the actions of one.

-- Carol

Comments

[Carole]

You mentioned the chaebol banking scandal in the 90s... I remember people lined up on the street in downtown Seoul, January 1998, to donate their gold rings (like the baby's first birthday fold rings) to help the country meet its foreign exchange needs.

It wasn't enough, and then the IMF stepped in, but it was like the whole country doubled over in collective appendicitis... and then, seemingly, poof! We were all out of it.

The whole "uri" thing is real. Everyone shares the rejoicing in good times, (like the 2002 World Cup) and bad.

Linguistically, I find it at it's cutest when men say "oori wife".

[Angela]

Great post Carole. You were able to articulate what I've been thinking and struggling with over the past few days, thank you.

[Bea Apple]

Thanks for this, I never knew there was a specific concept of "oori" but it perfectly describes what I've seen in my family and how I have been feeling about the Virginia Tech killings.

[beloved]

Wow! This is insightful. I've always known about the concept of 우리, but I didn't connect it to how my husband has been feeling. I, too (as a non-Korean), have been reassuring him that he doesn't need to feel shame or embarassment. He is really wrestling with it and we've been talking and talking ever since it happened. He's verbalized finally that the shooter's race/cultural background has nothing to do with his wacked-out psycho behavior, but I don't know if he's convinced himself yet.

[Karen]

Beautiful concept. I talked with a korean friend last night about the korean concept of community, and although he didn't use the word oori, i can see where that was part of our discussion.

Thanks for teaching me about oori.

Karen

[twizzle]

Just as we all felt victorious when Yul Kwon won Survivor, we all can't help but feel shame about the actions of Mr. Cho. We're culturally hard-wired to do so.

I must echo the sentiments expressed above: this post has described exactly how my family is feeling right now. I had no idea that there was a name and concept for it. Thank you for your enlightening post, Carol.

[stebujiji]

This is such a deep rooted concept that is so hard to explain, but you did a wonderful job of it. I've seen it in the faces of mothers praying for the success of their children during the national college exam. I've felt it as I've been in the middle of a jubilant mob at Chamsil stadium when "oori" beloved Doosan Bears score a needed run. Now, the underlying river of emotions are quietly evident in those Korean Americans I meet today. As a white midwesterner, who lived in Seoul for seven years, I have tasted "oori" but I cannot completely immerse myself in it. It is impossible, just because of who I am in the world...but yesterday, I felt a tug in my gut. There was some oori buried in there that this horrific event knocked to the surface. The pain amongst his family members must be immense. How do they reach out for consolation? How do they find the strength to continue when all eyes are focused on their son? I can only hope that the spirit of oori envelopes them. I pray that the oori community surrounds them, holds them, and gives them the power to keep going when everything in their souls tells them to sit down, give up, and hide. God bless the Cho family and give them that feeling of oori that enables them to hold on for one more day. Let's forget the shame and hold them in our prayers.

[Misha]

I'm half Korean and completely relate. I never heard the concept title, but understand the feeling if that makes sense.

Another hapa friend directed me here and I think it's amazing that this community exists.

[Kyong]

Carol, Thank you, thank you, thank you for articulating so well what many of us are feeling. I can't help but view Seung Cho as a brother even tho' what he's done is horrific and incomprehensible. You feel the shame as if he were a part of your own family. How to explain his behavior? One of my friends posed me that question today, and I felt as if I had to answer on his behalf...some stranger who's a sociopath...because he is Korean and a Korean immigrant like myself. How did he become so maladjusted? I can't help but think about his parents and sister all the time. What must they be going through?

Not only are we feeling oori as a community, we're feeling han.

Thank you again, Carol, and everyone who've commented for helping all of us get through this together.

[carol]

I just corrected it, but did anyone notice that I had written "Confusion" instead of Confucian? I had to giggle over that.

One of my favorite examples of oori are from the 2002 World Cup. I was watching coverage with my husband and on a news program it showed masses and masses of red t-shirted Koreans marching down the street, cheering and wooting and raising their arms in the air. When the light turned red, they all respected the light and stopped, for some reason they quieted down, too. When it turned green, they started cheering again and went on their merry way! And when all the partying was done for the night, there were ordinary citizens armed with garbage bags picking up all the trash. Just everyday people - not employees - taking so much pride in their community, and making the role of host their own responsibility. It was so cute, so touching and just incredible.

Thank you for everyone, you all help me to express myself, and I find so much comfort and strength in this community.

To further illustrate, I came across this article - it really shows the depth of oori Koreans are feeling:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/04/19/wkorea119.xml

[OTRgirl]

My husband has often mentioned that he and his family think in terms of "we" vs. my American "I" mentality. Thank you for putting all that even more into context.

Beautifully written.

[christine]

beautifully written.

[HCG]

my mom has told me that koreanness is something you cannot run away from, it's just in your DNA that only becomes stronger as you get older. thank you for writing this ---

[Kimm]

I attended first grade in Korea, before my family brought me to the US when I was 8 years-old (the same age as the ill-fated Cho). My very first day in a Korean classroom as a 7 year-old, our teacher passed out sheets of graph paper with a word printed in the center two boxes, the same word that she printed on the black board. The word was "oori" and our first lesson as Korean school children, before we had even reviewed the alphabet, was to copy out the characters for "oori" above and below and on either side around the word in the middle to surround it, cradle it with other "ooris". Damn straight the concept permeates the culture. A very thoughtful post, Carol.