Quarter, Half, Real Korean

Today my three-year-old quappa (one quarter) Korean daughter and I tried out a new playground close to our house and I spotted nearby a couple of moms speaking Korean.  One had an obviously hapa daughter and the other’s child was clearly 100% Korean.  (Both women were 100% Korean.) Intrigued, and wanting to make a Kimchi Mama connection, I meandered over to them and interjected at a pause in their conversation, “Hi! Are you Korean?”  (Well duh – because I recognize Korean when I hear it; but,  it was the easiest way I could think of breaking into a conversation with strangers.)

“Yes!” They replied enthusiastically. Before they could ask me the inevitable follow-up question, I volunteered, “I’m half Korean, and my daughter is one quarter Korean!” Hapa Mama smiled and seemed pleased to meet me.  The mother of the pure Korean girl was less warm and forthcoming, but clucked, “Nice to meet you.” Hapa Mama and I chatted about our professions and neighborhood restaurants for a few minutes. She was very warm and we hit it off immediately. Then she said to Pure Korean Mama: "We’ve got our own little Korean community going over here!”  Pure Korean Mama replied: “Yes, we’ve got a quarter Korean (nodding toward my daughter), a half Korean (acknowledging the Hapa girl), and a real Korean (indicating her own child)." Excuse me?! I thought. What am I, and what is my child?  Chopped cuttlefish? Dismay and anger did not register on my face, but I felt like an outsider --  like a pathetic, wanna-be Korean round-eyes who will never be accepted into the club that she so desperately wants to join. 

Sadly, I've had experiences like this before at Korean restaurants, grocery stores, and anywhere 100% Koreans congregate. To them, I am whitey and my daughter is an even whiter shade of pale. I wish I weren’t so pissed off by the cultural snootiness of some pure-bred Koreans, but I am, and it hurts. On the bright side, Hapa Mama seemed genuinely pleased to have made my acquaintance and we’ll probably see each other again. She gets it because, after all, she married a white guy and her daughter will most likely face exactly what I have described. 

Comments

[JaeRan]

That sucks, Twizzle. I hate that real Korean comment. I get that too sometimes, as in, I'm not a real Korean because I'm adopted.

[Mama Nabi]

I've heard some cruel comments, usually from uneducated ajummas at a Korean store or a restaurant... and, probably because I'm what they consider "real" Korean (they can't tell that I'm quarter Japanese, possibly some Chinese as well), I feel brave enough to say something snappy to them, but not always.
I'm so sorry you met one of THOSE but am glad that the other mom seemed cool. She was probably feeling insecure because she probably felt you and the other mom had more in common or something. Korean bluntness can be endearing sometimes but NOT WHEN it's directed at your child and/or your own racial makeup. Just not cool at all. Grr. Now, I'm all pissed.

[Rachel]

Twizzle, I'm sorry that happened to you. Argh! I'm glad that you were at least able to connect with the other hapa mom.

I recently read an article about Little Tokyo here and how the JA community in SoCal is starting to embrace mixed-race families more. I hope the same thing will happen with KAs as the community becomes better-established in the U.S.

[Angie in Texas]

Yikes! I hate when that happens . . . I'm full Korean, but because I'm dark and have a particular body type, lots of "real" Koreans think I'm half Chinese or Mexican (lots of Kor-exicans in South Texas). Then again, I get it a lot 'cause I was raised here and not in Korea. Or because I don't speak the language fluently. Or because I didn't marry a Korean guy. Or . . . Point is, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I, too, hope that Koreans and KA's will begin to embrace mixed marriages and mixed children . . .

Booooo! to the "real" Korean mommy, Yay! for the cool Hapa mommy!

[Karen]

Hello, I truly enjoy reading all your blogs. I am Korean, married to a wonderful white guy, and have 2 hapa boys (ages 15 & 12). We live in a community with about 60% Asian students at the high school (predominantly Korean). Twizzle's experience reminds me of my own experiences trying to "befriend" other Korean mothers at my kids' schools. I feel as though, they do not think that I "belong" in their group, and that I am not a "true" Korean, due to the fact that I am married to a white guy and have hapa kids. More frustrating is that fact that many do not let their children play with "other" kids. Perhaps it's because, their kids are tied to after-school tutoring and Saturday Korean school. Who knows! Anyway, it's frustrating to be an outsider.

[myuneuri]

Koreaness seems to be a complicated formula based on having two Korean parents, speaking Korean, being raised in Korea, having a Korean passport etc. If you are short on one or more of those, you Koreaness is diluted. If you have no Korean blood forget it. Citizenship doesn't cut it. Up until last year(?)men who did not have two Korean parents were even prohibited from Korean military service like it was a disability or something. Funny thing is if you have any Korean connection at all and become famous, you are free from the formula.

While no one has out and out said my daughters are not real Koreans, a lot of Koreans seem to imply it. We are raising them to be biligual and bicultural. My husband only speaks Korean to them and teaches them Korean manners just as he would if we still lived in Korea.
Other Koreans can't seem to get over their appearance. Even if my husband speaks Korean to our kids in front of other Koreans, they will address our daughters in English. It is sabotaging our efforts and it is frustrating.

[halfmama]

Ah. Lovely. Gotta love those passive-aggressive kinds of comments. Did Hapa Mom make a face or anything to the 'real' comment? People are so rude sometimes.

Glad you found a new 'REAL' friend at least!! :)

[daddy in a strange land]

Echoing the others, that one mom's reaction sucks, Twizzle, but I'm glad you made a connection with the other mom.

Too bad there's not a toddler version of this shirt on CafePress: http://www.cafepress.com/activist_slut.11940628

Rachel, I'd love to get the url for that article you mentioned. Comparing the JA experience to the KA experience re: acceptance of mixed-race kids is interesting, especially looking generationally. What we (JAs) are going through may just be a few generations ahead of where KAs are, and continued immigration has a different impact as well. But even when you'd think that the high intermarriage rate in the JA community would facilitate acceptance, and more important, internal redefinition of what it means to belong, there are still stumbling blocks. Check out this book that came out last year about battles over identity and belonging (plus issues of beauty and gender) vis-a-vis rules of who can and can't participate in JA community beauty pageants: http://www.amazon.com/Pure-Beauty-Japanese-American-Pageants/dp/0816647909/ref=sr_1_1/105-4017542-8711657?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180997020&sr=8-1

[kdad]

Given that they were speaking korean I would guess that is their primary language and I wonder if it was just a matter of clumsy english and not bad intent.
No matter it was an offensive comment.
I'm full korean and came at an early age. I'm illiterate and speak simple clumsy korean. I married a korean woman just like me and our very korean looking kids know at most 5 words. When I encounter koreans from korea I too feel judged as not a real korean. It's cliche but we really are caught between 2 worlds and not at home in either. One of the main reasons we moved to the bay area is this may be about as "home" as our family will find.

[kim]

Twizzle, I totally sympathize and know where you're coming from. I really hope you get a chance to connect with Hapa Mama again, preferably one-on-one. I hate those passive-aggressive comments made by old Korean folks, but it really burns me when it's said by a peer.

[honglien123]

Ugh, so sorry that happened to you. I get a weird vibe around Koreans if I mention that my kids are 1/4 Korean too. It's as if that's not a significant amount of blood to claim any heritage.

Nice that you met the nice hapa mom though. Maybe if you get to hang with her more snooty-mom might come around?

[Nina]

ergh, I've gotten that so many times and it pisses the hell out of me. Sorry that happened to you Twizzle.

[Superha]

sorry you had to go through that, twizzle. at least you know it's her issue and not yours. just enjoy your new friend and forget about that incident if you can. :)

[jstele]

Those comments were not passive aggressive, but blatantly aggressive. The Pure Mama was threatened by the way you clicked with Hapa Mama. You and Hapa Mama were really connecting and shared a mixed background. Pure Mama felt really insecure because she does not share that with you guys. So she had to assert her superiority over both of you.

[Didi]

Myuneuri, do you have a link about this?: Up until last year(?)men who did not have two Korean parents were even prohibited from Korean military service like it was a disability or something.

Because I don't think it's correct. My husband's Apa was half-Japanese (Halmoni is from Japan) and served in the Korean Army. In fact, he was killed while in the service at age 20, and his death is what caused my husband to be put up for adoption.

[myuneuri]

This the link from International Spouses of Korea website. The orginial article is from the Korea Herald, but I don't subscribe so I can't retrieve it there.

http://www.iskakorea.com/board/news_detail.php?uid=277&start=0

Rereading the article, I see they are using the term mixed-race. Maybe in that case, Japanese are not considered to be of a different race?

[Sandra]

I've begun to worry what my daughter will encounter when she gets older (she is only 9 months old.)

[Faith]

I've never heard the term quappa before, but I'm half-Korean/half-white and I'm expecting my first baby this fall (with my white husband). How much Korean blood do you have to have to lay claim to "being Korean?" It does seem like a shifting formula.

[Wei Lien Dang]

Hello,

My name is Wei Lien Dang; though we've never met, I'm writing to request your help with a situation regarding a Korean-American family in Southern California.

Meet Elyse...she is the eldest of triplet girls of my friends, Tim and Susan Yu. Only three months old, Elyse was recently diagnosed w/ HLH, a lethal disorder that destroys her blood cells. She is currently going through chemotherapy, but she needs a bone marrow transplant to get a chance at life. Her life depends on it. Her parents are working with Asians for Miracle Marrow Matches to organize donor drives. They are asking friends to open up their network of friends, organizations, etc. to raise awareness and help promote donor registrations for Elyse. The number of registered Asian marrow donors is extremely limited, and there is an 80% probability that a match for Elyse will come from the Korean community. For more information, please visit www.elyseyu.com.

Elyse's story has so far been picked up by various local and national media outlets. I understand that you may not be able to personally help out, but I am hoping you might be able to at least pass along some contacts or share Elyse's story with others who might take an interest in her situation. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Sincerely yours,

Wei Lien Dang

[halim]

well, to give some context, i am 100% korean (however you want to take that) with 2 half-korean children.

understand that korean culture was developed under stress. being 100% full blooded korean is very important to a people who have been caught between 2 super powers for over a thousand years (japan and mainland china). we've been conquered by repeatedly by people from china and, most recently, japan. korea (in any form) has not fought and offensive war outside of the peninsula in over 900 years.

so how does a culture that is that stressed survive and not be completely absorbed by much larger cultures? how did we not go the way of the phillipines? our culture developed a level of resilience to outsiders by being very clannish and confucian. the by-product of that, however, is a focus on "purity" of blood.

i'm not saying my analysis is complete, but it does address some of the attitudes exhibited by koreans when it comes to mixed-blood children. my own children will have to face this particular prejudice as well.

[twizzle]

Dear KMs and the KM community:

I am grateful for your kind support of the feelings of ostracism that I expressed in my post. Looking back, I notice that I have posted on this very topic over and over again... and will probably never completely get over the hurt of being unaccepted (or, at least singled out) by a people to whom I only "sort of" belong. This is what it means to be hapa: to belong to neither culture and to both. I am grateful for this community because it allows me to muse (and vent!) about the challenges I face as a hapa-Korean-American.

That said, I wanted to thank the pure Koreans (Halim and Myuneuri) who offered their own perspectives on what it is to be a "real" Korean. Having a terribly snooty 100% purebred Korean mother, myself, I am intimiately familiar with this attitude. I understand the culture of oppression that Koreans have had to deal with, and it makes total sense that national (and pure-bred) pride is the result of a people who have successfully resisted imperial take-over for centuries.

I am glad that we can have a constructive conversation about this issue, which is one that touches many of us in the KM commumnity. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for joining this dialog.

[anon]

I'm Korean, I'm adopted and my kids are half. I think what that woman said was pretty ignorant. No one is more korean or less korean or fake korean. You either have korean blood or you don't. Or chinese or Japanese or Thai for that matter. That's how I see it. I find Asians of every stripe gravitate to me, just out of feelings of safety and feeling some type of common ground. The woman was obviously very insecure and used that comment as a way to make you feel badly about yourself. She also to be blunt, sounded quite FOBBBY, sorry. Assimilated Koreans often marry whites, etc. it isn't like it is uncommon.

[myuneuri]

Twizzle, I just wanted to point out that I am not Korean at all. I am a Canadian weigook who lived in Korea for 5 years and married a wonderful Kunsan boy while I was there.

I really appreciate your contribution, because neither my husband nor I have the experience of being caught between two cultures and we need to be aware of what our children will face.

[teresa]

Twizzle,
I can totally relate and it does make one feel like a second-class citizen. I sometimes try to speak Korean to Koreans, in the U.S., and they often laugh at me. I am hapa - half korean and half Irish. My husband is Irish and German. My sons look 100% Irish with red hair and blue eyes. I love seeing my older son in his Korean and Taekwondo classes, with all the dark headed kids.

[Halim]

from myuneuri: While no one has out and out said my daughters are not real Koreans, a lot of Koreans seem to imply it.

in a VERY strange way, i do not think of my hapa children as "real" koreans. it denies the other half of their background and make up.

i think of them as something wonderful and new that defies classification. i think that they have an advantage by not strictly being from one culture or nationality. i believe that this gives them an "leg up" from "real" koreans.

really i just hope that they can take the positives from their korean half as well as their caucasian half and not exclude one for the other. they should draw equally from both.

it's disappointing and sad when cultural bias makes people exclude another just because they were born a certain type of person. i feel bad for koreans of a certain generation who may feel that way towards my children. it diminishes them and shows me the limits or short comings of korean culture, as wonderful as it may be in numerous other ways.

so no, they are not real korean (whatever that actually means). it's my feeling that they are something new, and possibly, greater.

[HCG]

I hate my people sometimes. We had a horrible experience while I was pregnant at a Korean restaurant --- if anyone is curious it's called Gang Suh and it's on Central Avenue in Yonkers. The b@#$h who was our waitress kept making snide remarks in korean about me and my husband saying things like oh I bet she's chinese (my husband is mixed chinese)AND she kept on skimping on the banchan AND completely ignored me. I kept giving my husband the lowdown (I refuse to talk in korean in a korean restaurant)until finally when teh check came and he had excused himself to go to the restroom, the waitress went right up to me and said in korean, "are you korean?" and I said in the nastiest distainful voice in english, "WHAT?" and then she backed off and shriveled up in the sad little puddle of self-inflicted loserdom. It's ironic b/c this particular restaurant has all sorts of people who go there to eat, all types of families in all sorts of combinations. But do the waitstaff talk trash about the biracial black/white kids and their parents when they eat bulgogi? Or is it only saved for people like me?

The really sad part --- I go to this restaurant ALL the time with my parents, we've had extended family occaisions in the place --- they know the owner heck, they know the staff. But without them I am totally invisible.

We've never gone back. However I told my son in utero that if anyone ever asks him "what he is" that he has full permission to give them the finger.

There's a relatively new korean restaurant that opened up on the White Plains side of Central Avenue and we tried it one day. Next to us was a man w/his daughter and he was addressing everyone in korean. He "looked" caucasian, whatever that means. My husband who has his own identity issues didn't consider that perhaps this man had a korean parent. The people who run it are a lot more nicer.

Have more to add, the boy just woke up.

[twizzle]

HCG - I'm sorry to hear about your ultra-crappy Yonkers restaurant experience! I can so relate to that, as my mom and I often go (w/ my daughter) to a Korean restaurant in Oakland and we always get GOOD treatment. Then, when I go to the same restaurant w/ my round-eyes white/Canadian husband, we are invisible. Once they even served us our meal on plates!! Aigo!

[HCG]

crap -- mispelled disdainful. argh

twizzle --ugh so typical.

What I wanted to add was that before I got married and even now with the boy, my parents are most freaked out about how much other koreans would treat my kid like crap if they "knew" he wasn't "full" korean.

[myuneuri]

Halim,

I agree about being from two cultures and wanting them to be both and even thinking there is an advantage to that. I guess I am not choosing my words very well these days. Getting up a night with two children turns my brain to mush. I am trying to explore the idea that some Koreans see a person that is not 100% biologically Korean and that means that they can't participate in the culture like someone born of two Korean parents can so why bother.

We are trying very hard to raise our daughters with both cultures. My husband only speaks Korean to them, we teach them Korean manners, I cook Korean food, we celebrate Korean holidays and traditions, and we try to keep in close contact with my husband's family. When we are out at Korean businesses, my husband and I address our kids in Korean and expect them to speak Korean. Despite all that, Koreans can't get passed the idea that Koreaness (culture and language) is not a factor of pure-bloodedness. They take one look at her and just speak English. They will speak to a 100% Korean-looking kid in Korean and then turn to our kid and speak English to her even after we have been seen interacting with her in Korean. Even our Korean dayhome lady refused to speak Korean to her even after we told her we specifically sought her out to ensure our daughter's Korean language ability. She even would tell us "shocking" stories about our kid refusing sandwiches and asking to eat dwenjang gook and rice like she fed her family. We told her in our initial meeting what we wanted her to eat - Korean food like she eats at home. There seems to be a mental block there. Information contrary to their expectations cannot be processed. Even our good Korean friends who are from the same area as my husband, speak English to our daughter despite my constantly telling them how I am struggling to keep her Korean growing. I have even hired a Korean babysitter to come and play with my daughter in Korean, but she also tends to use English too.

Should I just give up and accept that Koreaness is going to be defined by that complicated formula by Koreans and that my kids won't ever measure up?

[HCG]

Halim -- that's what my mom wishes for my son that he gets all of the advantages of being a diverse person. That being said, when I first mentioned my now husband her response was something like he doesn't look like a dongyangsaram why doesn't he marry a white woman and "pass". Basically saying that there were no advantages to hanging onto a minority identity if you have a ticket out of it. But identity isn't all about what you look like, it's more than that.

myuneuri, I wouldn't give up, I will NEVER give up. Why should any of us give up on what we know is healthy and necessary for our children, our relationships with our families and ourselves? I can't tell my child what or how he should identify himself as when he is an adult. But I have an obligation as a parent to protect him by educating him about himself and his families. But I totally hear everyone on this do I ever, esp b/c his dol is coming up. I have an "assimilated" relative who asked me if I was doing a "one year bday, I think it's called tol". UM and why would you question that 1)I would know and 2) that we'd be doing it?

[Halim]

HCG: yes, i agree that identity is more than appearance. it's just easier if you look like an identified group to "fit in". but that's where the uniqueness also comes in. if you're not typical of a group, then you are free(er) to be special.

i don't think my hapa children (our oldest is 100% caucasian) will have any problem with the uniqueness part and their bi-racialness may even contribute to their feelings of uniqueness *crosses fingers*

of course if all my children just go to harvard, then i'll have to worry less ;) (yes, i'm a typical korean parent, sometimes).

myuneuri: it is a struggle. i don't let people's misconceptions/prejudices bother me. . .too much anyway.

i really feel i can't make people aware of their blindspots, at least in the brief interactions that make up a day. it takes a more one-on-one approach which just isn't feasible.

does anyone have any ideas about what can be done to address peoples preconceptions and blindspots?

[jstele]

Myuneuri,

"I am trying to explore the idea that some Koreans see a person that is not 100% biologically Korean and that means that they can't participate in the culture like someone born of two Korean parents can so why bother."

They probably think that coming from a mixed background, it's less likely that you're children will be as exposed to Korean culture as someone with two Korean parents. Of course, that doesn't have to be the case. The greater issue is that the Koreanness of your children does not register to them at all. I really think the Koreans around you are clueless because I know of plenty of Koreans who acknowledge the Korean side of mixed people.

"They take one look at her and just speak English. They will speak to a 100% Korean-looking kid in Korean and then turn to our kid and speak English to her even after we have been seen interacting with her in Korean."

Then, have your kid respond to them in Korean. Maybe you need to expand your circle or reduce contact with those people. How much trouble are they really worth?

"There seems to be a mental block there. Information contrary to their expectations cannot be processed."

There is. There is.

" Even our good Korean friends who are from the same area as my husband, speak English to our daughter despite my constantly telling them how I am struggling to keep her Korean growing."

Maybe they want to improve their English and see your daughter as that opportunity.

"Should I just give up and accept that Koreaness is going to be defined by that complicated formula by Koreans and that my kids won't ever measure up?"

No. You need to find open minded people. The people around you are SO clueless. If you need to make new friends, do that. You should talk to your friends and tell them directly that your child needs Korean exposure and you would like them to support you by speaking Korean to her. If they can't provide that, that's fine, but then you will need to find it elsewhere, so won't be able to spend a lot of time with them. Your daughter's learning is more important than their desire to learn English.

[jstele]

Halim,

"does anyone have any ideas about what can be done to address peoples preconceptions and blindspots?"

Only if those people are open minded and willing to learn should you even consider addressing their preconceptions. Otherwise, it will be a waste of time for you. You just need to let them know what they did or thought and explain to them why it is flawed, the consequences of their thoughts and actions, the significance of what they said. It really is simple, but not necessarily easy to execute.

[Carole in Korea]

Myuneyri - you commented:

"Despite all that, Koreans can't get passed the idea that Koreaness (culture and language) is not a factor of pure-bloodedness. They take one look at her and just speak English."

I can't count the number of times I've had this conversation here in Seoul ENTIRELY in Korean:

"Hello, do you have (item)?"
Storekeeper has blank look, often with little hand wave.
"I'm looking for a (item), in red if you have it."
"I'm sorry, I don't speak English."
"That's okay, you can speak Korean, right?"

It can sometimes take a minute for them to realize that I'm speaking Korean, not English.

On one funny occasion, I made a purchase (I think it was housepaint or some other home improvement item) and as I walked out the store, I heard one of the guys there say to another guy: "I'm better at speaking English than I expected."

[olimadi]

I was born and raised here with 2 Korean parents and my husband is exactly the same as myself. I'm sure we have the benefit of being treated as "real" Koreans despite the fact that my husband is the worst speaker because we just look so darn Korean. My take on all those that comment about "Real" versus not and discriminating based on it is just a reflection of others and their lack of education and/or enlightenment to the world around them.

Not that I ever thought much less made a rude comment to anyone about it, I never knew how exposed to Korean culture Hapas are until I met my Hapa roommate. I was so amused that she looked completely white and would complain about the same Korean traits her mom had that were just like mine and that she dug the same really stinky food that I did. I guess I'm saying I never really put much thought into it, but it took actually knowing someone that was Hapa to understand or be enlightened at how the culture is shared. Having said that - I still think there's a HUGE difference in lacking the knowledge and being a jerk about it. I think those that are actually rude are just ignorant racist folks no different from all those throughout history. You should just feel assured in knowing that they are just that - idiots.

[california_gal]

What an ignorant comment. My husband is half Japanese/half Caucasian. And even though he looks less typically Asian, he is by far more in touch with his Japanese heritage than many "real" Japanese people.

[bettysoso]

I think olimadi was trying to be honest - expressing the idea that people can change, although some people were just born brats.

[jstele]

California_gal,

To say that olimadi's comment is ignorant is really unfair. If you read her comment carefully, you would notice that she said she did not know how well exposed mixed people were to their Korean side, not that they couldn't be. I think it's fine not to know everything as long as you have an open-minded attitude, which olimadi did.

[Bloggeroo]

All I can say is: Wow. That "pure Korean" mama reeks of racism.

[Amy]

I'm not sure why everyone is all up in arms about this topic. Granted, it was a insensitive remark but she clearly meant that a "real" Korean is one that is based out of pure Korean blood. It's not about how well you know the culture or language.

By that account, there are pure white people that can be considered Korean as long as they know the language and culture.

It's based purely on the bloodline and as long as there is non-Korean, or non-Asian blood, they're not regarded as full Korean. If they're not pan-Asian, it's obvious difficult to tell.

This happens in *all* groups of bi-racial people. I know many friends that only regard people as bi-racial when they have African American blood. Half Asian or 1/18th Asian people are not regarded as "pure." That brings me to another point, how long are you allowed to be angry when someone claims you or your children aren't "real" Koreans? Quarter? How about 1/42th Korean?

I want to be snide but if you want to avoid this, have an Asian spouse.

PS: Are all the mamas here married to white men?

[janis-ah]

i know you're getting tons of comments, but i wanted to let you know i completely understand. i am half korean, my 3 daughters are 1 quarter and korean anything was viciously squashed in our house growing up. i feel like half of me never got to develop and it hurts so badly sometimes. sometimes i feel like my own mother looks as us differently...like we'll never get it. it's hard, but if you ever need a slightly yellowed shoulder, i've got one right here, girl. (((HUGS)))

[jstele]

Amy,

"Granted, it was a insensitive remark but she clearly meant that a "real" Korean is one that is based out of pure Korean blood."

That was not the issue. The issue was the intent behind her message, which was "You're kids aren't good as mine because they don't have full Korean blood." It was to say that they were not valid members of the Korean community and degrade their heritage as Koreans.

"I want to be snide but if you want to avoid this, have an Asian spouse."

I hope you meant "I DON'T want to be snide", otherwise you are showing yourself to be a jerk. Having an Asian spouse would make their children more KOREAN? It is obvious that you are against interracial marriages. And you are being snide.

"PS: Are all the mamas here married to white men?"

This comment was completely unnecessary and you know why you wrote it. "What is wrong with all these women? They must be married to white men?"

[Rob]

I think I see where Amy is coming from and I'm going to agree to some extent. I know some very militant Asian American men and women and only regard themselves as "real" Koreans if they're 100% Korean. Or "real" Asians if they're 100% Asian or pan-Asian.

This happens to all races and it's not strictly an Asian belief. A friend of mine who's white and Latino is not regarded as really Latino because his mother is white despite the fact that he has a good grasp of Spanish and is very aware of Columbian culture.

In this case, having an Asian spouse would, in fact, make them "real" Koreans because being of a pure blood makes them "real."

What makes you think of a "real" Korean if someone were to pose that question to you? Would think of someone that knows the language and culture or someone that actually looks 100% Korean/Asian? I'm guessing the latter.

I don't believe interracial dating/marriage is wrong but one must be a little realistic about what comes out from it. You can't honestly tell me that if your child is hapa that people will automatically regard him as "Korean" unless he looks 100% Korean.

I think the whole idea of being colorblind has really warped the outlook of many naive individuals. I'm half Korean/Chinese and I don't have that problem because I speak Chinese and Korean at a great level so people can't tell because I look 100% Asian. My brother and his Japanese wife don't have that problem either because their child looks the part.

A cousin who married a white women, thier child has the same problem in that she's not really Asian and is constantly asked where her loyalities lie.

Race is based on how you look. If you look more white, you're white. If you look more Asian, you're Asian. In this case, if your children are 1/4 Korean, there is little to no chance of any "real" Korean tossing you an acknowledgement that the child is comparable to them.

[Rachel aka Weigook Saram]

Rob, I don't think anyone has the right to tell mixed-race people how they should identify. Ultimately, that decision is up to them.

Whether you like it or not, intermarriage is a fact of life in the Korean-American community, and if Korean-Americans want to preserve the culture and fight for social change, the community would benefit from being more inclusive, rather than splitting hairs and making people feel unwelcome.

P.S. We noticed that you and "Amy" share an IP address.