I love that we have such a diverse group of contributors as well as readers. For most part, we have very civilized conversations on topics ranging from pop culture to racial/cultural pains... and, for most part, we all learn from each other. Frequently, we also learn to be better human beings to each other and, those of us who are parents or will be parents, we are constantly learning how to be better parents. Ultimately, we've sought each other out in hopes that we will be able to teach our children to face any adversity with quiet but firm dignity, that we may lean on each other in times of our own need, whenever we ourselves are faced with the ugliness that is ignorance, and that we may share some laughter and joy. This is what the founders of Kimchi Mamas had to say in the beginning.
Alas, as with any public forum such as blogs, we do get people who will comment out of turn, who will completely miss why we are having any of these conversations in the first place and try to push his/her own agenda. Of course, we do reserve the right to ban any repeat offenders. Often, being spicy and fiery mamas that we are, we will comment right back. One of those readers left a comment a few days ago that, well, felt like a personal attack.
Before, I get to the specific comment that crossed the line, I probably should introduce you to that commenter's alter-ego/spouse/co-worker/friend, Rob. All we know is that Rob has commented from at least two different IP addresses in the past including one he shares with "Amy". He has said, on the post Race and Dating, "What saddens me is that while Western society has emasculated Asian men, Asian women dating white men are unintentionally promoting that image." I personally thought that comment was borderline, not exceedingly caustic yet something in the tone didn't sit right with me... as if I was personally responsible for perpetuating a negative image of Asian men. A couple other comments made it obvious that he wasn't exactly a fan of us (or at least the idea of us) but still came back once in a while.
Then, from one of Rob's known IP addresses comes "Amy". She commented on Twizzle's Quarter, Half, Real Korean:
1)"This happens in *all* groups of bi-racial people. I know many friends that only regard people as bi-racial when they have African American blood. Half Asian or 1/18th Asian people are not regarded as "pure." That brings me to another point, how long are you allowed to be angry when someone claims you or your children aren't "real" Koreans? Quarter? How about 1/42th Korean?"
Because it happens does not make it right. How long are we allowed to be angry? Pardon me but I don't remember asking for permission for my anger. And yes, if my great-great-great-great-grandchild who is "1/42th" or even "1/42nd" Korean wants to claim his/her Korean heritage and someone tells him/her that he/she is not 'real' Korean, I will be pissed off in my urn (because I'll be cremated) and I hope my ghost will be able to bring a bit of wrath onto the offender.
No one has a right to determine for another which percentage is cut-off line for claiming a heritage. It doesn't work like that scientifically anyway. My child did not get exactly half of my white husband's DNA and half of my DNA - certain genes are more dominant than others. It really is illogical to condone anyone from denying someone his/her claim to a heritage simply because there isn't "enough" percentage. Unless, of course, Rob or Amy happens to have found a novel method for exacting the racial make-up breakdown, preferrably in a pie-chart (I so love pie-charts!)...
Here's an interesting read about One-Drop Rule. Seriously, only idiots would limit one's claim to one's heritage, be it one drop or 75 drops.
2) "I want to be snide but if you want to avoid this, have an Asian spouse."
There's been a question whether "Amy" meant to be 'snide' or was too busy being snide about wanting to be snide that he/she forgot to type "don't" between "I" and "want". Either way, it doesn't matter - doesn't exactly take a genius to see how snide that comment is. I am being snide when I tell you, Amy/Rob, whatever issues either of you have had in the past probably has nothing to do with your Asian heritage... um, perhaps a personality make-over is due?
By this comment, Amy/Rob has decided to blame us, most specifically us sell-out Asian women who opted to marry outside our race, for whatever angst we and our children may feel due to our and their racial make-up. What was I thinking, right? (Insert here Mama Nabi slapping her forehead, not once but many times... in fact, insert a slap-happy Mama Nabi who's now donning her Superwoman cape, ready to circle the earth couterclockwise to return to 6 years ago to turn down Papa Nabi's advances and post an ad 'Wanted: Pan-Asian Husband who will help me avoid any undue pain from racial-purists".)
Can I lose a little of my composure here and say, "WHAT THE FUCK"? If a white person were to tell PN that, if he didn't want to deal with bigotry, he should have a white spouse, I'd hope PN would tell them where to go... and, in fact, he has; when a 'best friend' of his called me a 'mail-order bride', PN cut that guy out of his life completely. I think I can safely speak for all the Kimchi Mamas when I say: We don't tolerate ANY intolerance, period.
That kind of counteractive comment is not welcome here. In case it's not obvious, let me spell it out. As far as I can tell, we all married for love. It was not and still is not our burden to defend our loves, marriages, and our race (ours and our children's) to those who don't approve of what we are. This blog, however, is a safe place where we can share our frustrations when dealing with ignorant or insensitive or blatantly cruel world.
3) "PS: Are all the mamas here married to white men?"
Oh, come on, now. Amy, Amy, Amy. Was that necessary? Did that complete your otherwise empty life? We get it, you don't approve of interracial relationships, specifically Asian women and white men. Yes, I took that comment personally. No, your tone was not lost on me or on the other mamas. Am I sensing an undeserved superiority complex here? Come on, girl, you shouldn't have... no, really, you should have stopped yourself. Tsk, tsk... self-control is not your forte, is it?
Not that your inane question deserved an answer... but no. Please, do take the time to really know who we are, what we're doing here, before you slam us, mmmmm-kay? Oh, by the way, not ALL the mamas here are Korean.
PS: Cute. I see that Rob has resurfaced (how timely and gallant!) to reiterate Amy's comment and "agree" with her. Damn. How clever.