Putting PR people on notice

In the "State of the Momosphere" session on day 1 of Blogher07, I listened as not one, but two PR guys smugly stood up to tell us mothers how proud they were of their strategy to "hook" moms into trying their products by pretending to read our blogs (so we'll trust them) before offering up whatever it is that they'd like us to blog for free.

And I fumed.

My hand shot up and Jory passed me the mike, and I told them (essentially) to stop treating us all like we're stupid.  We all know PR people don't read our blogs.  I mean, if one more PR person starts and email with, "Hey! How was Hawaii!" because a quick glance through last month's posts mentions my trip, I'm gonna scream.

I also told them that even though I get pitches everyday at CityMama, over at Kimchi Mamas we get none.  Not a one. Ever.

Because people of color do not matter to advertisers.

To his credit one of the PR dudes came up to me after the session and asked "How should we pitch to mommy bloggers?"

And I said, "Tell me you looked up my stats on Alexa. Tell me you picked me because you *think* I may be influential. Tell me that you know mombloggers get pitched to all the time but that you'd *pretty please* like me to listen to you.  Just don't bullshit me by telling me 'you read my blog.' I know you don't."

Then he admitted, "You're right. We don't pitch to bloggers of color."  And here's the money quote: "We just don't know what to do with them."

Yes, I did thank him for making me feel like a second class citizen.

But the most important thing I forgot to say as I was giving the PR dude that smackdown was that when the BlogHer ad network was starting and Lisa Stone asked me if I'd like to join it, I said, "Sure, but I'm also starting this blog called Kimchi Mamas with some other moms..."

Without hesitating, Lisa said, "Great. We'd love to have you all, too."

I didn't have to qualify. I didn't have to explain. I didn't have to pitch. I didn't have to justify. And because of that, I remember her words.

She just GOT IT. No further questions asked, and Kimchi Mamas has been part of the ad network since the Day 1. That right there is why I have so much respect for BlogHer.

So why is it that no PR people will pitch to us?

When I pointed out sarcastically that maybe it's because "Asians don't clean," (since I do get an extraordinary amount of cleaning product pitches) an Asian sistah from the back of the room added, "Yeah, we just do laundry."

This brings up so many issues for me.  Like, why are all the people in commercials white? And why aren't there any sitcoms about Asian families? (Where are the Asian Huxtables or Waltons?) Why are we so invisible in the media? Why is it that when I see an Asian couple (or even rarer) a mixed-race couple on TV, I secretly take pleasure in it even though the novelty and tokenness of it pisses me off and then I get angry at myself for feeling happy in the first place?

What are these people saying about me if I'm desirable as a "CityMama" and not as a "Kimchi Mama?"

What we as BlogHers—as humans—going to do about it?

photo: Jupiter Images

[cross-posted on CityMama]

—Stefania Pomponi Butler/CityMama

Comments

[Kalyn]

Good post! I agree completely that they pitch to us like we are idiots.

[halfmama]

Ack. AAAACK. "Do with them??" Wtf?

I'd like to know what products those two PR guys were representing. Did they think they would get a positive reaction by admitting that?

[Rachel]

I can't believe those words actually came out of his mouth! Ugh.

On a related note, I'm curious about the demographics at the BlogHer conference.

[amaras_mom]

Stefania, I was hoping to catch up with you after this session. I need to apologize if I did speak out of turn with my "laundry" comment. But I get so enraged by marketers and media and the like (and trust me, I am one of them...and I feel like I have to "educate" my colleagues). So I couldn't help myself in the session.

What you and the other ladies at Kimchi Mamas have done here is pretty awesome! I'm glad I found you :)

[Carol]

Thanks for speaking up and writing about this here. It makes me actually toy with the idea of starting a firm to effectively market to this niche (women/mom/parent bloggers of color?). Granted, we're not large enough a population for most companies to deploy its resources, but we can be crazy loyal to brands we like and will listen to each other for recommendations (I know I am influenced by the product mentions I read here, or at least be more receptive to trying something new). Just an aside - it's crazy, I think Stefania first as a Kimchi Mama, and then as citymama.

[eliaday]

I know that it's important for us as people of color to be given equal opportunities, to be viewed as legitimate members of society.

BUT.

I don't know if we NEED the PR folks and their pitches to make Kimchi Mamas what is it. I mean, the number one goal of this blog is to connect people and to share our stories, right?

I think being influential can be measured in lots of different ways, and some of those ways will never be translated into PR speak. And I think that that is ok with me.

[Stefania/CityMama]

Eliaday, we don't need them to make pitches to Kimchi Mamas. Not what I'm trying to say at all. I was just sharing an observation that I find interesting.

[echen]

Hi Stefania -- very insightful (and entertaining) post. I was at the momosphere session, too, and when you stood up and made your "Hey, how was Hawaii" comment, I about died laughing!

The funny thing is that I am one of those dreaded PR people and was there at BlogHer to listen and learn. I totally agree that the way in which those two guys stood up and talked about marketing to mommy bloggers was more than a little arrogant. I definitely thought the "I apologize on behalf of corporate america" comment was a little disingenuous and was immmediately irked by the fact that a majority of the room clapped when he said it. Does anyone really think he meant that?

Anyway, I meant to say hello to you after the session but got pulled in different directions. If I had met you, I would've wanted to say that I appreciate your candor and not only what you said about my industry (which is often true), but about the fact that nobody markets to women of color, as mochamomma also pointed out.

The fact that the PR guy who talked to you after the session said "We don't know what to do with them" is shocking to me -- especially in a time when every corporation is desperately trying to figure out how to market to ethnic groups. My question is why do people of color (I myself am Asian), especially the generation born in America, need to be marketed to SO differently? I think the main point is that people of color just need to be included in the conversation as opposed to "Oh, she's Asian, we should put her on a different list and figure out how to market to her separately." I agree that every culture is different and definitely worth figuring out, but to say that all of our cultures have NOTHING in common and can't be marketed to in the same breath is borderline offensive to me.

Again, so glad you stood up and said something because now I know about your blog! I will say one thing however, in defense of any publicist out there who is like me, that not all of us "pretend read" blogs -- some of us actually are genuine fans and admirers : ). I do hope that you won't put us all in the category of "fake readers" in the future.

Sorry -- much, much longer a "comment" than I intended, hope you don't mind.

[Mama Nabi]

Wow. Bold (on his part) and disappointing (on my part, as a person of color) statements from the PR guy.
There's this Asian actor who does commercials; he's been in Home Depot (or is it Lowe's?), Cingular, and a few more... and, although I am glad for him that he's been getting some exposure, it's a bit weird that I keep seeing this one Asian face in so many ads... I can almost hear the casting director: "We need an Asian guy - hey, let's get that Asian guy who does that phone ad."

[Glennia]

Stefania, I can't tell you how glad I was that you made that comment. As Mocha Mama was speaking, it hit me like a bolt of lightening the fact that I get pitched to on my blog, but not on Kimchi Mamas. My personal blog probably gets 20% of the traffic this blog gets, but yet I get pitched to pretty regularly. I was trying to formulate a comment, when you said exactly what I was thinking. Another reason I lurrve you.

I also don't think we need more ads, but the interesting thing is that the advertisers evidently don't think they need us.

[Susan E]

Stefania, this is such a great post. I am going to link to it in a post I'm doing to the PR community (from the Horn Group blog) a little later today.

[Susan E]

Hi Stefania, my post is up, and with it, a link to your post. It's at:

http://horngroup.blogs.com/horn_group_weblog/2007/07/i-spent-the-wee.html

Best,
Susan

[Shawna S]

Stefania, I'm cringing inside. What an uncomfortable conversation, but what a wonderful post! I know just what you mean about the conflicted response to Asian appearances in media. As a second generation Indian woman who's spent time in the PR business, it's been a weird ride and I'm sure it'll only get stranger as I step into branding. Thanks for spelling out so well some of the issues that have been jumbling about in my head for a while.

[David Wescott]

Hi Stephania,

thanks for issuing this wakeup call to my kind. and thanks for stopping by my blog earlier. You know I was one of the guys at that session. I don't pitch products, I pitch issues. So I don't think I was the guy who issued the rather pathetic "money quote" you described. I honestly don't remember saying much to you - it honestly seemed like a good time for you to do the talking and for me to do the listening.

But the short answer to why citymama gets pitches while kimchimammas doesn't - we, as a profession, stink at this.

I'm planning to write more about this - it might not happen until next week, but it will happen - but I hope you will continue leading this discussion along with Mocha Momma.

Thanks.

[JoAnn Peach]

Damn damn damn!! I can't believe I missed this session. I'm not a mom. I'm a PR person. I went to BlogHer to improve my blogging and to hopefully meet the folks who use our products -- NOT to sell anything but to just meet bloggers. (I didn't even have my company name on my nametag)

I'm also a little peeved at what I just read. "We don't know what to do with them" seems like bunk. Just a way to come back to you, someone who called him out, and look like he's the PR person looking to be informed.

[writergal28]

Do you think it's just a matter of putting an Asian face on a product? Because many, especially immigrant and even first gen, don't really care...it's a "nice-to-have" sort of thing...at least from my experience. Most of my peers have never felt that they weren't "marketed to" because ads don't have many Asian faces...Chinese American Princesses will buy LV whether the spokesmodel (spokesceleb?) is Scarlett Johansson or Zhang Ziyi. As for kid-related products: The need for ethnic dolls is really a recent phenomenon. I grew up playing mostly with brunette white dolls in the 1980s. I just pretended they were Chinese! I guess parents don't teach their kids to use their imaginations anymore.

Someone in Blogher brought up the following:

Food: Don't most large supermarkets sell ethnic foods of some sort these days? Maybe I'm just spoiled by being a Torontonian (who is very happy that she also doesn't have to deal with smelly Chinese grocery stores anymore, thanks to T&T (an Asian supermarket that is quite mainstream...one of its Toronto area locations is at a non-Asian shopping mall)

Houseware: My mom got her newest wok at Williams-Sonoma. I have seen Asian-inspired and sometimes even Asian bowls and other place settings outside of Chinatown.

Books: Not just a visible minority thing, but an ETHNIC thing. How often do you see Italian-based fairytales at bookstores? Most fairytales Americans and Canadians grew up with are French or German.

Music: Do you mean kids' music? Nursery rhymes and kids' music may be very difficult to translate to English. Traditional cultural music is really the job of parents and music schools.

Television shows and movies: You can't just demand that someone write a sitcom or drama about Asians. You need to do it yourself or know someone who can do it for you. And also, if you want to sell your script, you need to have the right connections. Unfortunately, most Asians just don't have those connections right now (besides the fact that many Asian parents are very, very anti-arts as a career.) Probably the best way to even attempt at getting a sitcom or drama on the air is to talk to someone in the film/entertainment industry in the old country who might have connections with someone in California. You're probably better off w/ cable stuff.