Kimchi Mamas

Obama signed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act!

 I'm so excited that the first bill that President Obama signed into law was the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.  Thursday morning, I read the following from MomsRising.org:

Right now women without children make 90 cents to a man's dollar, mothers make 73 cents, and single moms make only about 60 cents to a man's dollar. Passage of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act is a great step forward, but we still have a long road ahead of us to reach truly fair pay.

It's disappointing to me, as a single mother, to read that in 2009, women still make less than men, that mothers still make less than non-mothers, and that single mothers make even less than married mothers. 

It gives me pause, because while I do want to teach my daughter that she can aspire to do whatever she wants, I also want her to understand that there are such things as racism and sexism. 

I know that there are a lot of assumptions built in to these statistics, about the kinds of careers that men and women choose (think of the gender gap in education).  I hope that people realize that one act won't change pay inequities.  And I hope that everyone will do their part in breaking down some of the preconceptions that lead to these inequities.

~ eliaday, who would love to make as a much as a man's dollar without being a man.

Open Thread Thursday

What's on your mind today?

--The Kimchi Mamas

an addiction i plan to encourage

Hello.  I am a Korean drama addict.  It used to be much worse than it is now.  I used to hole myself in my room with the tv and video player and only pause to get something to eat or use the bathroom.  I'd watch until the wee hours of the morning and wake the next day with a significant headache, a Korean drama hangover.  The final month before my first child was born, I had just graduated from law school and because of the impending birth, I wasn't planning on taking the bar right away like the rest of my law school buds.  With the nursery done and the birthing plan written (i was so incredibly naive) I beached myself like a whale on our couch armed with all the dramas I didn't get to watch while in law school.  They all had been recommended, so they were all good.  It was gluttony in full glory.  I watched until my eyes and head hurt and watched some more.  sigh.  Good times.

Since the birth of Noah however, I've had to take my Korean drama viewing down a few notches.  I only watch when the kids are either napping or asleep, and only if most of my chores are done.  It's a more moderate level of viewing now, but I think that's for the better anyway.

I know that there are those who roll their eyes at the mere mention of a Korean soap opera.  They may even look down on the likes of me and wonder why I would waste my time.  Well, I don't think it's a waste of time.  Here is my case.

• It's a way for me to keep up my language skills.  I prefer to watch them straight from the Korean video store without subtitles because the subtitles only distract me.  That said, I also don't understand 100% of what's said.  If the vocabulary or situation gets too difficult, I try to figure things out from the context.  There are times when I have to ask my mom, and those are the times I learn new words and phrases. 
• I see the subtle expectations and social rules of Korean culture in action.  I notice how the people eat. I notice what to bring when visiting, what to expect when visiting and what to give as gifts.  There's still a lot for me to learn, but it still helps for me to see it in action.
• Which also helps me to see what's "normal" in my parent's world.  I don't mean that it's normal for people to frequently go around collapsing in a heap of sadness in the middle of the street, or get hit by a car and lose their memory.  But that it's normal for them to give gifts of money in white envelopes or buy paper bags of sweet potatoes roasted by street vendors in the cold of winter.  It helps me relate to them, and to know where they come from.  And to understand why they don't understand what may be "normal" for me having grown up in America.
• But times are changing and so is how Korea things.  Sometimes, there are dramas that help my parents understand new issues, but from a Korean perspective.  Some great topics that my mom has become aware of recently are how having HIV does or doesn't affect someone's life and how being Gay doesn't make a person any different. 
• Having watched since my teen hood, I also credit them as a big reason why I never had issues about the way I looked.  I had people I admired who didn't have the deep set eyes, had my complexion and kind of hair.  I thought Shim Eun Ha and Ha Yi Ra were beautiful.  I understood that Nicole Kidman and Nikki Taylor were beautiful too, just a different kind of beauty.
• More than my looks, it's helped me to be proud of my ethnic and cultural roots.  Especially so in Hawaii where Korean dramas aren't only enjoyed by Koreans.  Little Filipino grandmothers are known to scoot out of mass early so they won't miss the latest episode.  My Japanese co workers couldn't wait to talk about that jerk who cheated on the poor girl. The local Hawaiian culture fully embraced Korean food.  Besides my parents occasionally not being able to communicate without my help, I never felt ashamed of my Koreanness.

Finally, they are just darn good.  The good ones anyway.  In fact, I think whatever formula those Korean writers have figured out to make them so good has been discovered by the author of Twilight and it's the reason for her success.    Bella and Edward are SOOOOO meant to be together and they sacrifice themselves for the other and would be so happy together if it wasn't for just one little obstacle.  He wants to drink her blood.

In any case, these are some of the reasons why, when I think Natalie will be old enough to appreciate them, I plan to introduce her to Korean Dramas.  It might be a waste of time for kids in Korean, but for my Korean American daughter, I see it as an educational thing for her to watch.  It'll expand her horizons and help her to become familiar with more than one way of living.  I can just see us someday.  Three generations, my mom, me and Natalie sitting together intently watching a series, gasping together when something surprising happens.

If you haven't watched one in awhile because you found them cheesy when you tried to watch one years ago, you should try one again.  They've evolved.  No longer is the girl perfectly angelic.  Now the lead female is usually someone who is a bit clumsy or quirky.  She is more outspoken and feisty.  She might even be older than her love interest.  One of my favorites was even a bit overweight.  And still, she celebrates herself and usually finds herself some really good loving in the end.

Some recommendations:  (You've probably read these favorites of mine in a comment in the past.  And if you have any favorites of your own, please feel free to share.)

Thank You, Coffee Prince, Lovers in Paris, Full House, My Lovely Samsoon, My Girl, First Wives Club,  Mom is Dead Upset.

Mind you, I don't really like the ones with sad endings and dying people.  I like the ones that really explore a character's life in the context of living in Korea.

I have a new one called Beethoven Virus on deck.  My mom promised it was a short one and that it was good.  I love it.

Korean-American Identity Redux

I haven’t been feeling very Korean lately. Well, let me clarify: I haven’t had time to give much thought to “being Korean,” engaging in Korean cultural activities, observing Korean holidays or traditions, or hanging out with Korean people. Other than my mom, that is.

With some regret, I have been too busy these past few months to participate in the Kimchi Mamas community – and have been remiss in writing posts, commenting, or even reading. When Kimchi Mamas first started, I was waaaay into the concept. I felt I had found my tribe – at last – for the first time ever, and hungrily ate up every word that was posted, read every comment on the blog, and found myself deeply engaged in every debate and dialogue that came up. It was a new thing for me, after all: hanging with a group of smart Korean American women, many of whom had similar cultural experiences to mine.

Then I got busy. I changed jobs in Sept. ’07 and this new one was so demanding that I no longer had time to breathe, let alone blog, any longer. And that’s how it’s been for the past year and four months. Until last Friday, when I quit my job, and now join the ranks of the unemployed. I know it’s probably the worst time in more than a decade to be unemployed, but I felt compelled to “choose life” over the soul-crushing assignment that I had endured for more than a year. The job was causing so much stress that I was neglecting my child, my husband, and my self. It was no good for anybody, and I am pleased with my decision.

When I go back to read some of my old posts on KM – many of which deal with issues of Asian-American (and hapa) identity, I realize how much I’ve changed, and possibly evolved. No longer do I pine for acceptance as a “real Korean” by the community of Korean-born people whom I sometimes encounter. No longer do I feel desperately afraid that, once Halmoni dies, my hapa (quarter Korean) daughter will no longer have a connection to “the old country.” I no longer wish to be 100% Korean, or wish I were born there, so that Koreans will consider me to be authentic.

The fact is, I have come to be quite happy with who I am -- a hapa Korean-American woman -- and know that nothing can change that. Most assuredly, I’ll never be considered a “real Korean” by most Korean-born people, including my mother, as the definition of such a person has quite narrow parameters; however, I don’t care! I actually feel more of a kinship with Barack Obama (a biracial person) than I do with many Korean Koreans!

My daughter, who’s now old enough to be interested in culture, national origin, and ethnicity, is proud to say that she’s Korean, Scottish, Canadian, American, and a Californian. And Halmoni’s omnipresence in my daughter’s life provides constant exposure to Korean traditions, foods, and culture -- the exact same stuff I got as a kid.

Don't get me wrong: I do appreciate things Korean and very much want to be connected to my culture and ancestry. In the future, I’d like to make more of an effort to pay attention to Korean holidays, like Lunar New Year, Chuseok, among others; but that’s about as far as I feel the need to go.

I no longer relate to that Groucho Marx joke – vis-à-vis being Korean – wherein one wants fervently to join the club that will have nothing to do with her. I can change my own ethnic self-perception, but I can’t change how others see me. And in the immortal words of Phillip Marlowe in Robert Altman’s 1973 classic, The Long Goodbye, “It’s okay with me.”

By Twizzle, who still can't get over how much free time she suddenly has!

Happy New Year!!!

Today marks the beginning of the Lunar New Year . . . what are you doing/have done to celebrate?!

(Tonight the children and I will visit my parents and have some mandoo . .  what about you?)

-Angie in Texas

Fitting the Queen of Soul...

What's an inauguration without a Swarovski rhinestone-bordered bow hat that takes up much of your tv screen? That thought apparently drove Aretha Franklin to Luke Song's hat shop in Detroit. Specially designed for the Queen of Soul by Mr. Song himself, the Associated Press reports that a replica is not available, but there are countless others that may fill your heart's desires. 

Check out Mr. Song Millinery at www.mrsongmillinery.com.

Our Mothers and our Mother-in-laws

A recent disagreement I had with my mom is prompting me to think about what contact, if any, is appropriate between mothers and MILs.

Does your mom and your MIL have a lot of contact?  Do they get along?  Do they talk on the phone? Do they meet up?

My mother and MIL talk on the phone occasionally and have met at least 5 times. Twice in the US and the rest in Korea, without me.

My MIL NEVER says anything unpleasant to me, but my mom tells me of some things she told her about me, or somethings that my mom told my MIL and some of this stuff makes my blood boil.

Remembering

I've observed something in myself over the years. It's nothing I'm proud of. It just is. It usually happens as I am reading the paper. Usually in the "local" section, where I spend more time than I care to admit. But I am drawn to stories of strangeness, freakishness, and tragedy that all too often define our humanness. So, I'll be perusing an article about some random accident or tragedy with the detached interest of a bystander. Some man is stabbed outside of a nightclub. A woman is choked to death by her ex-boyfriend. Three teenagers drive off a precipice in the middle of the night. I passively read one from the next, sometimes reading the comments, more often not, taking no pause to imagine any more than what the article provides.

That is, unless the article mentions a Korean name.

Open Thread Thursday

What's on your mind today?

--The Kimchi Mamas

You Started It

I see the short white fluffy grandma hair and let my guard down.  I smile as I hold open the bathroom stall door to gently nudge my 3 and 1/2 year old hapa daughter out.  I expect her to offer a smile back, a knowing smile of a grandmother who's been there and done that several times over.  I expect those eyes that dart toward Little Nabi to soften, the wrinkles around those blue eyes to to crinkle as her mouth turns upward, and that mouth to open to say, "Well, hello there."

I expect too much.

The old slouchy woman's face is expressionless when I first open the bathroom stall door.  She is first in line and is about to move towards our now available stall.  She sees my face.  She stops.  She hesitates.  Her eyes narrow in mild disgust.  And I can tell she is considering not using the stall which the colored woman and her mixed race child had just defiled.

Overreacting much, you say?