Love and Marriage

Love and marriage... love and marriage... *cue theme song from the Bundy Show*

I'm noticing how my relationship with my extended Korean family has changed since my marriage. I moved out and away for college so I don't see them all that often but I feel like there are these "unspoken" rules that now apply to me, since I am married and have kids.

1. I should give a cash gift, preferably a large cash gift, at family weddings. Some of my non-married cousins didn't give me a wedding gift. Their parent(s), however, did. This leads me to believe that until you are married, the nuclear family is considered as one unit for gift-giving purposes. I don't think I gave presents at my cousin's weddings either before I got married... granted I was rather young, not even working but still... I thought it was a little bit strange when most of my grown Korean cousins did not give me a wedding gift... but maybe that is the Korean way?

2. If there is gift-giving, the parents do not get gifts, the kids do. Is this true in non-Korean families too? I mean, my birthday rarely existed before I got married but now that I have kids, my birthday is like, not even a tiny bleep on the radar. Also, what does this mean for kidless couples? I mean, it would totally totally suck to have to shell out for gifts for everyone else's kids, and not get any in return... I guess we're not supposed to mind this since gifts are supposed to be unconditional but still... 

3. Guilt-tripping about your duties as an offspring commence when the knot is tied. Before I got married, my dad never ever mentioned anything about me calling him or giving him money, or needing to be taken care of. He never mentioned much about anything at all. It was rare to even get him to say anything in any non-crisis situations. After I got married, my dad kept mentioning something about calling him once a week and something about allowance or other form of financial support if/when he needed it. Even my estranged mother mentioned her need to be given monthly money (mind you, she is a very self sufficient and not in any financial need). If anything, I have way more expenses now compared to when I didn't have kids. I'm not sure what's going on here... are they just grooming me for when these issues do become a reality?

Have you noticed anything different once you got married and/or had kids? Share your insights with us!

- Mary