Kimchi Mamas

Back to School Shopping? What the heck is that?

Thank you to Crocs for sponsoring this blog post. Please click here to learn more about Crocs’ new Back to School line. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions expressed here are my own.

Having mostly grown up in Korea, Back to School shopping is a foreign concept to me. When I first heard about back to school shopping from some of my friends in jr. high school and high school, I was like, WHAT? You get a whole new set of clothes before starting school? It sounded like a fabulous idea to me but I was too scared to mention it to my dad or step mom. She must have learned about it some other way though because one time she took us to K-mart and we got to buy some school supples. No clothes or shoes, but still, I was happy.

Kimchi Mamas pot luck

Kimchi Mamas are having a pot luck in Oakland! Husbands and kids welcome.

Saturday, August 20th at 4 PM.

Please comment if you'd like to get the details!

- Mary

Book Review: "This Burns My Heart" by Samuel Park

How could the world fit so many lives, so many iterations?  It couldn't be that big, it couldn't fit so much.  We're only given one life, and it's the one we live, she had thought; how painful now, to realize that wasn't true, that you would have different lives, depending on how brave you were, and how ready.

This little nugget was excerpted from Samuel Park's This Burns My Heart. Three of us got to read the novel, we received advanced copies for free, and here is what we thought:

Mary:

This Burns My Heart by Samuel Park tells the story of Soo-Ja Choi's life in South Korea in the 1960's. I've never read a book quite like it. Set in Korea during a period that I can imagine (I was born in the 70's) and written in English from the perspective of a woman, I should have been able to relate to this book a whole lot. And while I could related to Soo-Ja in some ways, I also found myself being somewhat distracted by what I thought were unrealistic dialogues between her and the other characters of the book such as her Father-in-law, her husband, and her parents. I found Soo-Ja to be a somewhat likable character. Her husband, Min, seemed unreal. Did men seriously fool women into marrying them? Despite these distractions, I found myself drawn to the book and into the story of Soo-ja's life. I wanted things to work out for her and for her to finally be happy. I also wanted to shake her and tell her to just speak the truth about her feelings. Why is it that Koreans say the opposite of what they want?

On a side note, I loved the art cover and found myself staring at that shadowy figure.

Angie:

Was the yearn and understanding of a "what if" life there for me as a reader? Of course it was.  "The saddest words of tongue or pen are what could have been . . . " But in what I think was Park's intent to make Soo-Ja's plan clever - I found only manipulation and cunning - and the consequences for those choices. 

Throughout the narrative, I wanted to like Soo-ja.  I wanted to feel bad about the decisions she made and the perceived tragedy of her life . . . but I couldn't. We all make decisions in life - some people regret, others move on, others are forever frozen in place. 

Here was a woman who in youth was beautiful, educated, well taken care of and practically revered/loved by her family and yet none of it was enough.  Instead she plays chess with the very people who care for and about her - treating them as her pieces.  Does she make up some of her trangressions in judgement with her best friend? Yes, but much later in life.  

Soo-Ja's relationship with her daughter, Hannah, could have been better developed.  I did not get from the text a sense of a special bond or particularly deep relationship. (Semi spoiler alert!) I was also a little perplexed about how at the end of the novel Hannah could so freely forgive her mother and her relationship - it felt like a loose thread in a blanket that failed to warm my heart. 

Julie:

I for one fell in love with Soo-ja.  Soo-ja really reminds me of my own mother...both women grew up in boy-less households in the post-war south.  Both were high-maintenance, coy, intelligent young girls, with their little world their oyster.  However, a series of decisions (sometimes their own, usually not) led them into an adulthood that was quite the opposite: the vivacious girls had to quickly morph into respectable, honorable wives.  Their lives once seemingly so open, now uni-dimensional, full of stubborn self-denial, servitude to their husband's families, and buried regrets.  My mom found some amount of relief by emigrating to the US, but Soo-ja's invisible shackles prove to be much stronger.

To me, this novel is an allegory of the state of womanhood in Korea.  Females can be quite treasured in their youth and encouraged to dream (if those dreams do not overshadow their brothers' dreams), but once they grow up, those dreams are almost always an impossibility.  The institutions of marriage and motherhood have very well-defined rules (backed by history and by the law) that must be followed in order to maintain honor, and those rules do not leave time for individual pursuits or personalities.  Even today, employment, inheritance, and divorce laws in Korea are seemingly equitable, but they are not fully enforced.  This kind of repression is most clearly reflected in the fact that Soo-ja's most original, most relatable thoughts are merely inner dialog and never spoken aloud.  That must be the most frustrating part about that life, because it certainly was the most frustrating part reading about it.  Where does empowerment begin: from the woman who finally says what she really means, or from the society that allows her to do so?  

I don't want to give away the ending, but I hope that the Soo-jas of today can find themselves a similar one.  I highly recommend this book to people who would like to see the Korea our parents grew up in come alive. 

From the publisher: 

Set in South Korea in the 1960s, THIS BURNS MY HEART (Simon & Schuster; July 12, 2011; $25.00) centers on Soo-Ja Choi, an ambitious young woman who finds herself trapped in an unhappy marriage. Faced with adversity and oppression, she struggles to protect her daughter and to fulfill her own dreams—all against the backdrop of a postwar society caught between tradition and modernity.  Samuel Park based the character Soo-Ja Choi on his mother, who grew up in South Korea. Park says, “The book is based on my mother’s life, but it is ultimately a work of fiction. I was inspired by all the stories my mother told me about her life.” 

Learn more about THIS BURNS MY HEART at www.samuelpark.com.

You can buy the novel on Amazon.com.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

Please keep South Korea in your thoughts as residents face astonishing amounts of torrential downpour. The resulting floods and mudslides have already killed 38 people in Seoul and the central regions, and the death toll is climbing.  There seems to be a lot of infrastructure damage, so we will keep you posted with ways we can help once things settle down and the full amount of damage is assessed.

Kimchi Mama jooliyah, we hope you and your loved ones are staying dry and staying safe!  Please check in when you can.

Article from the Korea Herald, English edition

Blog post from Koream Magazine

Arirang

Just read The Korean's post about how Arirang belongs to Korea (sorry, the post seems to be down at the moment), in response to Roboseyo's post about how nobody owns Arirang.

Roboseyo posted this on his blog and I found it so moving, I had to share with you. The New York Philharmonic performs Arirang in North Korea.

 

Thank you for sharing that Roboseyo.

In regard to whether or not Arirang is Korean, I don't even know why this is a question. It seems to be more about whether a national entity can claim to own a culture, than about if Ariring is really Korean. The former issue seems, to me, to be a bit silly. I mean, if the Korean government is spending money to promote Korean food, doesn't that, in some sense, mean that the culture is inextricably linked to the country? Culture is ever changing in this age of globalization, but just because cultures are being combined and spreading outside the national borders, doesn't mean that all of a sudden, it's not the originating nationality's culture.

Arirang is Korean. Period. Does Korea "own" Arirang? I guess not, since anyone who wants to can sing it and play it and perform it, but no doubt about it, it's Korean.

- Mary

Guilt or Resentment?

Are Korean moms especially apt at laying on the guilt? Did the NPR writer who reviewed Please Look After Mom (sorry, I forget her name) have a grain of truth in her otherwise racist review? Or is the laying on of guilt an equal opportunity character flaw, available in abundance to all mothers to dole out?

I guess I won't know until my kids are grown if I made them feel overly guilty but I sure notice myself feeling guilty a lot. Almost every time I leave the kids with the sitter, I feel guilty. I feel relieved too, and I almost always come back more refreshed with more of myself to give... but still the guilt is there. I think it's better than feeling resentful, but I still don't like the guilty. Why do I feel guilty? Do I judge myself, compare myself to other moms who tell stories of how they didn't watch a movie for five years, or didn't spend the night away from their kids for 10 years? Sometimes I wonder if they are really sharing that information to pine about their life or to secretly brag.

The alternative is to give in to the guilt and not ever do anything to feel guilty. That would mean that I would not have any needs. Of course, that's impossible. I think I would be overcome by resentment if I was trying to avoid feeling guilty all the time.

I want to teach my children that it's OK to take care of yourself. It's OK to have needs. It's OK to give yourself a time out. I cannot make everyone around me happy. The best I can do is figure out what I need to be the best mom I can be most of the time, even if that means that the sitters watch the kids sometimes. I'm only human. Maybe some moms don't need a night out, or a weekend break every once in a while... but I guess I am one of the women who do. Does that make me a bad mother? I don't think so and I certainly hope not.

I definitely think that there is this expectation in the Korean culture that Korean moms are supposed to sacrifice everything, I mean EVERYTHING for their children. I don't agree with that. Sacrifice may seem like a virtue but not if the one sacrificing is building up a mountain of resentment the whole time. Sometimes I wonder if that's what han (한) is.... a huge mountain of resentment that the person carries along their whole life, buried deep within their soul, too afraid to let it see the light of day, lest it ruin everything in its path.

 

- Mary

The SPAM We Get

I just marked this as a SPAM comment but it was just too funny not to share. Copied below word for word (I did format a little to make it easier to read.)

 

ATTENTION ASIAPHILES!!! Read below: I was once like yourself, but I cannot cure you. It takes a person training their own mind in order to change your preference. Instead, I will help you another way. Here is a list of tips on how to HIDE your asiaphilia from an asian woman you are attempting to court:

1. Wear sunglasses. The main way asian women can tell a man is an asiaphile by the look in his eyes, and a person can tell a lot about a person just by looking in the other persons eyes (their mood, their attitude, etc.)

2. Make sure you are hygienic. This is a given for in any situation with a woman. Asiaphiles as asians call you, and once called me, are identified by a certain disgusting thing about them. A lot of asians have made the observation that a lot of asiaphiles dont shower, and some dont shave, and some dont do either. Make sure you are shaven and showered in the mornings. Make sure to get those hair cuts every now and then.

Kimchi Mama Honor Roll: Sonya Thomas

This past Fourth of July Weekend, the annual Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest held a womens division for the first time.  The inaugural champion was Sonya Thomas, aka "The Black Widow," a 43-year-old Korean American, who won by eating 40 hot dogs in 10 minutes.

This is the first I had heard of The Black Widow, and I am a bit ashamed to admit that, because this was by far not her first competitive eating victory. In fact, since her debut in 2003, she has set and broken many world records, defeated men who are household names like Takeru Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut, and is currently ranked the #6 competitive eater in the world.  It is also worthy to note that Ms. Thomas achieves all this despite weighing in at 98 pounds.

After reading a few news articles, I was smitten.  I knew we Korean gals can pack it in like no one's business, but other than brief mentions on where she grew up in Korea, there was no mention of how being Korean helped or hindered her at all.  Here's the backstory, in her own words, to winning 29 competitive eating world titles.

Kimchi Mamas: Are your parents back in Korea aware of your competitive eating success, and if so, how do they feel about it?

Sonya Thomas: I think lots of Koreans feel negatively towards competitive eating, they think of it as a bit foolish: why do this instead of using your brain?  They also worry about my health, if my stomach will explode or something.  My parents were the same way when they first heard about it.  In fact, I didn't actually eat that much as a child, so they were totally surprised.  They were worried, but after they saw me on the news, they were happy for me.  Now, they're not exactly proud, but they know their daughter did something special.

KM: That sounds like the best you can ask for with any Korean parent.  Was there anything from your childhood that helps you at all today? 

ST: From childhood to now, I have always been competitive, I always want to be the best, to show people I'm special.  I'm not really outgoing, kind of shy, but anything active, I'm determined to show people I "have it."

KM: Oh wow.  Where does that drive come from?

ST: I was born in 1967, and it was a hard time for Korea, and my family was very poor.  My parents, 2 brothers, my sister, and I lived in a 1 room house.  Not a lot of people could afford to eat white rice, so they would mix their rice with barley.  But our family's rice was all barley!  The American government also gave us flour...so we had noodles everyday.  

I had to be brave, more brave then than now.  My first day of elementary school, I walked there by myself, and registered myself.  After that, I always tried to help my parents earn money.  I remember one time, I was 8 or 9, and we went to the ocean to catch clams.  I kept pushing myself to work faster and faster, and I dug up more than my mom!  About 40 pounds of clams!  Afterwards, as we opened the shells, I was the fastest.  I was the third child, but I was the boss!  [Laughs]

KM: You sound like you'd be the perfect athlete.

ST: During school, I competed a lot in sports, but I wasn't that good.  I wasn't a fast runner, I was too short and not a good enough shooter for basketball, and my reflexes were too slow for badminton.  But I still wanted to be the best at something.  Competitive eaters aren't only competitive in eating; we must be competitive in other things.  I was born like that, always wanting to do something special all the time, something different from other people.  Eating is one of my skills.  In others, if I'm not that great, i just give up and try something else. 

KM: That is so Korean!

ST: [Laughs] Yes, it's very Korean: very competitive, very "hurry hurry,' no patience.

KM: Sonya, thank you so much for taking the time out to talk to us.  Best of luck, and FIGHTING!!!

Sonya Thomas' next competition will be at the Buffalo Wing Festival in Buffalo, NY during Labor Day Weekend.

Sonya Thomas' homepage

Sonya Thomas on Wikipedia

Article from the Chosun Ilbo

Dumbfounded

I am the LAST person on earth to be posting about a rapper but here I am. Dumbfounded, a Korean rapper, is rather good, I must say. Hubby agrees. What do you think?

 

- Mary

I know you want to be the next K-pop star

Do you dream of being a K-pop star? If yes, and you can sing at least one song (any song!) in Korean, you are in luck. MBC Star Audition is holding their second season auditions in Los Angeles on July 16th, 2011. 

The audition will be held at the Sheraton Los Angeles Downtown Hotel at 711 South Hope Street. First come, first served basis.

A lot of Korean Americans have become huge stars in Korea, including Yoo Seung Jun, Lena Park, and many others. (Sorry, I'm old and don't know any recent ones.)

You can get more information here.

 

- Mary