Kimchi Mamas

Roots (part 3)

Read parts 1 and 2, here.

Well, as you can probably guess, my youngest gomo (aunt) decided to immigrate to America. I have never ever asked her about this and I don't think she even knows that I know this story so I don't know exactly why she decided to immigrate... but I have some educated guesses. My youngest gomo is pretty driven and she's also very smart. She probably would not have been able to go to college had she stayed in Korea because of the fact that she is a woman and that she is the youngest in the family.

My oldest uncle (kun appa) is the only person in my family that was educated. He was the first son so of course he was bestowed this privilege. Actually, he was educated to become a priest (see Roots part 1 re: my family's Catholic heritage). He's no longer a priest though but that's a different story for a different time. My father, I think, barely went to junior high school or maybe a bit of high school. (My mom didn't graduate from high school either.) My other uncle and other aunts also did not go to college. Education in Korea during those days, and even now, is very expensive. Especially college. So had my youngest aunt stayed in Korea, she would not have been able to pursue her studies... something that she wanted to do very much.

Shakira and the Samgomu Girls

Okay, that's not a very catchy band name, but I like it a hell of a lot more than Harajuku Girls!  Shakira performed her new single on "Saturday Night Live" with Korean 삼고무 (samgomu) dancers accompanying her.

I appreciate the fact that the dancers remained traditional in their moves and their garb in such a futuristic-sounding song, and when Shakira joined in the fun, it was so cool!

In this clip from "Dancing with the Stars," some 장구춤 (jangguchum) drummers were featured as well.

Ah, takes me back to my Korean School days when the prettiest girls were hand-picked to dance the fan dance and the drum dances, and the doughy schlubs had to take art. :P

Props go to Angry Asian Man for the scoop!

--
Julie definitely took art in Korean School.

Wetting the bed

I wish going potty in the toilet was an instinct that babies were born with... you know, like sucking? And that thing they do when they feel like they're falling? Or the knee jerking?

So yeah, we're trying to potty train the almost 3 year old and it's not going so well. I think he's hella confused cuz he wears big boy underwear at preschool but when he gets home, his parents are too lazy so they put a diaper on him.

I thought I'd take this opportunity to embarrass myself by sharing am embarrassing story about myself. 

Once, when I was in second grade, I was walking home from school (in Korea) and I had to go pee, but I wasn't home yet. I tried to hold it but I couldn't... so I wet my pants. At the time, I was living with my jak eun umma (=small mom = little aunt = my dad's younger brother's wife) and her family. I didn't want to get in trouble so I hid the pants and underwear behind the hamper (a big ol' rubber tub thing). Of course, she found it and scolded me anyway.

Roots (part 2)

So, last time, we left off with my hal muh ni becoming pregnant long after my hal ah buh ji was gone. I am not sure how this happened. Well, I know the mechanics of it (heh) but I am not quite certain of the circumstances surrounding it.

My oldest cousin told me something that implied that my hal muh ni was raped. Something about how women those days couldn't do anything if a man forced himself on them... But his mom (my oldest gomo) implied at a different time that my hal muh ni had had an affair with a local man. She said something about how my hal muh ni's mom (or her grandma, I'm not sure) was "into men" and how that "bad character trait" lasts 3 generations. Sounded like bologne to me but I'm just reporting here.

Unwed Mothers in the Motherland

Yesterday, the New York Times published a story profiling the trials of the South Korean single mother.  It is truly heartbreaking to read what these women sacrificed in order to raise their own children.  Even when faced with a declining birthrate, it is more acceptable to have an illegal abortion or to give up a baby for adoption than to live as a single mom.  It is especially infuriating, considering how much pressure is put on Korean mothers in general to be the sole caregivers, that these women are roundly shunned when they should be applauded for taking full responsibility for their lives and the lives of their children.

Sadly, my family has some personal experience with this cultural stigma.  My cousin's husband was tragically killed in a car accident when their daughter was only 8 months old.  She tried to raise her daughter alone, but eventually word got out to her daycare provider that there wasn't a father at home (her employer already knew because she was employed both before and after the accident).  They confronted her quite rudely, and when she explained with great pain what had happened, they had the gall to call her a liar (as in "Of COURSE you're going to say that your husband is dead, that's what they all say").  Because of this and similar experiences, she eventually moved to the United States.  If widows get this sort of treatment in the motherland, I am not surprised that straight-up single moms get it much worse.

That said, I applaud the 40 women who have joined the unwed mothers association thus far, and hope that as South Korea further establishes itself as a modern nation, these last few shameful vestiges of pigheaded bigotry can be laid to rest.

Julie

Korean versus Western

It's crunch time here in Texas . . .

It's been a whirlwind courtship.  From a March meeting, to a May proposal and now an October wedding. But the rest of our lives . . .

(photos after the jump)

Figs

Last time my mother-in-law was here, I was not quite myself.

I had been living with my mom for about a year by then and she was literally driving me crazy.  Her constant nagging and criticizing to her taking over the house and putting everything where she wanted, etc... was slowly chipping away at my sanity.

So, when my MIL was visiting, I was not the perfect hostess that I would have otherwise been.  (Who am I kidding, I would NEVER be the perfect hostess.)  But yeah, the last LAST time she was here, she seemed to like me enough and I think she had a good time even though the jet lag and plane ride was taxing on her frail health.  

The main reason my MIL visited this time was because my mom was going to Korea for about a month so my MIL came to watch and bond with her only grandchild.  It was kind of like an excuse for her to visit... we could have put him in daycare or something but I think it was around his dol (1 year b-day) too so yeah, she came for about 2 months (it ended up being 2 months because my mom stayed in Korea for longer than expected and then even when she came back, my MIL stayed longer.)

How to Make (Pretend) Gimbap

Yesterday my daughter and I went to a children's museum in Irvine, where we made "sushi" with construction paper. I thought it would be fun to adapt the project to make pretend gimbap. My daughter was able do most of the work by herself, and we already had everything we needed around the house.

 

You Need

a toilet paper tube

toilet paper

green, brown, yellow, and orange construction paper

glue

rice

 

Adult Work

Cut the tube into gimbap-sized lengths (about two inches.)

Cut a strip of green construction paper to wrap around the tube.

Cut green, brown, and yellow paper into small squares.

 

Kid Work

Glue the green paper around the tube.

Crumple toilet paper and stuff it in the tube. Glue rice on top.

Glue the tiny pieces of construction paper on top of the rice.

 

--Weigook Saram

Kimchi Mama guest post by Michelle from Wife and Mommy

Please welcome guest poster Michelle from Wife and Mommy! I met Michelle at Blogher '09 and knew immediately after having lunch with her that she needed to tell us her story. She shares an aspect of her Korean-American life here and I am sure many of us can relate. —Stefania Pomponi Butler

Of all the areas in which I feel insecure about raising my children, exposing them to their Korean culture is the most worrisome for me.  I am uncertain how to teach them the traditions and nuances of the beautiful, rich culture that my own parents taught me.

I’m a first generation Korean-American—I was born in the U.S.A., effectively beating out my entire family to citizenship.  Growing up, I felt split between two cultures.  At home, I was a dutiful Korean daughter.  I served my father Korean meals that my mom prepared.  I did as my parents expected, studying hard and bringing home good grades (for the most part).  I played the piano and violin.  I followed my father’s rule, even though I internally rebelled against my father’s attempt to have us speak only Korean in the house.  

My American persona emerged when I was at school and with friends.  I eschewed Korean culture and did everything I could to forget my Korean-ness.  I was embarrassed by my parents’ odd Korean manners.  I didn’t want to bring my friends over lest they smell our kimchi kitchen.  I was timid in asking my friends to remove their shoes upon entering our home.  I ignored Korean peers at school and went out of my way to not be associated with them.

My exposure to the Korean culture was simply what I absorbed in my day-to-day living.  I managed to avoid the dreaded Saturday Korean School that my sister was made to attend, but now I can’t read and write Hangul.  I made no effort to learn Korean customs nor have Korean friends despite my parents’ desire for me to do both.  

I married a white-bread American guy and we now have three beautiful multicultural children.  My desire to know more about Korean culture has increased in an effort to teach it to my kids.  Since they aren’t immersed in Korean culture in their home as I was, how will they ever learn about it?  I am not Korean enough to adequately educate them.  I lean on my parents to show their grandchildren, but they live overseas now and we only see them once a year or so.  

So I try.  We go to the Asian grocery store as often as we go to the regular supermarket.  I attempt to make my favorite Korean dishes so their young tongues can develop an appreciation for the delicious flavors of my childhood.  We have dolls dressed in traditional hanbok.  We read Korean folk tales and eat a lot of rice.

For now, I hope it’s enough.  Maybe I’ll see if I can find a Korean school for them to attend once they are older.  

***

Michelle is a Wife, Mommy, former school teacher, writer, and procrastinator (among other things). 

Michelle's parents immigrated to the U.S. a year before she was born, thus giving her the distinction of being the first American citizen in the entire extended family!  She grew up in the DC Metro Area, where she still lives with her white-bread midwestern boy, The Husband, and their three children:  Bito, Cupcake and BabyMuffin.

She writes about her life at Wife and Mommy.

Pink parking spots?

No thanks, I'll walk.  Has anyone heard about these new pink parking spots in Seoul?  Apparently, they are part of an effort to make the city more women-friendly.  The pink parking spots are closer, so that women in heels don't have to walk as far.

Somehow, this doesn't quite sit right with me.  I think it's great that some supermarkets here in the U.S. have special parking spots for pregnant women or people with young children.  But for women because of their heels?  Isn't that kind of a different issue than parking for pregnant mothers or people with different abilities?  I only ever wear heels on very special/important occasions, and even then, I change back in to more comfortable shoes as soon as humanly possible. 

I was also surprised to learn that in Seoul, only half of the women have full-time jobs.  According to this Time piece, the pink parking spots are part of a bigger effort that aims to help women find jobs and and also includes things like building more public restrooms, adding lights in public spaces, and more public day-care centers.  I'm in favor of all of these things.  Except the pink parking spots.

~ eliaday, who'd wear flip flops or clogs to work every day if she could.  (h/t Jason for sharing this website with me!)