Kimchi Mamas

Sadness in Korea

This article that popped up on my facebook feed has been haunting and haunting me.  It's an article about the elderly taking their own lives after abandonment by their own children and society.  I suspect some of the elderly do it to not be a further burden on their struggling children, honestly, but many of them commit the awful final act after becoming depressed and abandoned by their children whom they poured their life and money into.  The whole situation hurts my heart.  How much sadness there must have been to get to that decision.  How much sadness they leave behind.

How it worked in times past in Korea was that Korean parents would spend their days giving their best to raise bright and healthy Korean kids - fighting tooth and nail for every single wonderful opportunity they hear of/ come by to give them that "edge" in such a homogeneous society.  Grown up Korean kids would then turn around and give their parents a roof over their heads, warm yummy family meals to join in (because everyone lived in one house), and a monthly stipend of "spending money." with occasional trips thrown in. With all the apartment living and two income families now in Korea constantly up to their ears in debt because they've fallen for the whole credit card con I can imagine how this is just getting much harder to do.

Stranger in a Strange Land

The kids and I sat down at our local teriyaki place, next to a couple in their 50s with their buddy. They were very conspicuously complaining about all the taxes they have to pay this year, including a THOUSAND dollars to THAT OBAMA (I assume they make the check straight out to him?), and how they're not taking it anymore and they're going to just not pay it because that money is going directly to welfare queens and aborting babies and death panels and Muslims and...

...so I told the kids to pack up their stuff because we're moving to another table.

I tried to give them my best Korean Mom Death Stare along the way. They quieted down after they realized that they were out of their usual bubble.

This happened in Long Beach, California, a diverse city compared to most of the country.  And yet, it is apparently not diverse enough, since people like them still feel like they can proclaim their misinformed, bigoted thoughts without repercussion.  Obviously, people are entitled to their own opinions, but it's the pure vitriol in which these opinions are uttered that disturbs me.  And of course, if they were the first people I encountered bad-mouthing the poor, the disabled, or the race, nationality, supposed religion, or character of our president, I wouldn't have bothered writing about it.  But attitudes like these are prevalent here.

Even my next door neighbor, whom my children adore and who has many times helped us settle into our home, holds frightening views on Latin Americans and other  immigrants.  He doesn't know that I, like many other permanent residents and naturalized citizens, was at one point an illegal immigrant.  

A family who lives a few houses down sent their two young girls canvassing the neighborhood in support of Proposition 8.  When I tried to explain to these girls how I aligned myself with the gay community and believed in marriage equality for all, they looked sincerely frightened of me.

Across the street from them, another lady runs a daycare in her home, and she told Tim to watch out for other daycares in the neighborhood who hire minorities and illegals, when he called her to enquire whether she had room for Emi when we first moved here.  Since the conversation was over the phone, she did not know she was talking to a minority family.  Since then, we have seen her take her charges for walks around the neighborhood, always 6-8 beautiful blonde children in a red wagon.  I do not think it's pure coincidence that the children are always white.

And so, after almost five years here, this corner of Long Beach doesn't quite feel like home.  I feel like a tourist, an alien, and I worry my motley little family will always feel that way, no matter where we settle.

--Julie

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A reader expressed some concern about my statement about being an illegal immigrant at some point in my life.  Here is my clarification (although honestly, I don't know the whole story, since I was a young child when this all went down):

My family and I did not COME here illegally, my father was sponsored through his employer and he did everything by the book. However, there was a very, very long waiting period between applying for a green card and receiving it, where technically our status was up in the air (or maybe his status was still okay, but my mom and I were not? I'm not clear on the details). We couldn't go visit relatives in Korea, for example, because we would have trouble coming back into the US.

During that waiting period, which I believe took about 10 years, I grew up as a normal Korean American kid in southern California. There was no way you could line up other typical Korean American kids and point out those of us who were technically visaless, or social security number-less, and those who were born here, even if you opened a window into our brains.Once we received permanent residency status, things were hunky-dory, and it didn't take long for us to become naturalized citizens after that. This was a pretty typical immigrant story for the time period, although I do not know what the process is like now.

Shakespeare, Gangnam Style

I was spending my lunch hour watching "Gangnam Style" for the hundredth time, and PSY's lyrics, in their brevity and cleverness, really reminded me of the Bard himself.  

So...since there is every other sort of "Gangnam Style" mash-up out there, why not "Gangnam Style in the form of a Shakespearean Sonnet"?

By day, a girl whose warmth and care inspire,
Whilst holding coffee cup, relaxing grace,
When night, it cometh, feels her heart a-fire,
This contradict'ry woman, I will chase.

Tho virile male, I'm no fortune's fool.
My warmth, it matcheth yours during the day.
My coffee, chuggeth all before it cools,
My heart, it bursts, when night her charms display.

Your love'ble beauty earneth fair remark,
Oh you, yes you, doth make this life worthwhile;
Together, 'til the bitter end, and hark!
Hey Sexy Lady, Oppa's Gangnam Style.

Above the runners soar the men who fly.
A man who knows a thing or two, am I.

Exeunt Julie, PSY, and Billy Shakespeare.

Do White People Have 때?

I grew up going to public bathhouses in Korea. We didn't have a room for bathing at home, so about once a week, my mom would take us to the bathhouse and we would pay a couple of bucks per person to use the facilities. (We did have an outhouse type of "room." It was a square cemented closet like room with a deep hole in the ground.) The bathhouse was kind of like a spa inside... except it wasn't a luxurious thing for us to go there but just a necessity. There was a tub full of hot water and cold water. Bunch of showers everywhere. Little short stools (looked like step stools) with a hole in the middle for us to sit on. The hole was so that water wouldn't pool.

We would soak in the hot water and then my mom would use a scrubber that looks like this to scrub us clean. It hurt like hell. Especially when she scrubbed my armpits.

Just the other day, I was taking a bath and was scrubbing myself with the above scrubber (except it was yellow), and I had a thought that I've had many times before. I wondered if White people ever scrub off 때. 때 is a Korean word for dead skin and other dirt that accumulate on your skin that comes off when you scrub your skin very hard after soaking in hot water.

And then I wondered, do White people HAVE 때? I am pretty sure they do because, I mean, most of the dust in a house is actually dead skin cells. Right?

And then I thought, I must blog about this.

I once heard that there are actually tourists who come to Korea to get scrubbed by the ladies who work at a bath house and whose jobs it is to scrub 때 off of people. I remember seeing them in the bath houses that we used to go as a child. We never used them because they cost like ten bucks. 

I also vaguely recall some Hollywood Celebrity talking about a Korean spa and how she loved getting scrubbed by the Korean ladies there.

Anyway, this curious mind wants to know... are you White? Do you have 때? Do you scrub it off? 

(The romanized pronounciation of 때 would maybe be something like tdae. The sound doesn't really exist in Enligsh, as far as I can tell.)

My husband gives the boys their baths most of the time but I did scrub the older boy once and remember thinking that he was relatively "clean." Or maybe he just hadn't soaked in the water long enough... or the water might have been too lukewarm. I'm gonna try scrubbing them sometime in the near future.

- Mary, a 때 scrubber, is in a rather silly mood.

First day of school

I still remember my first day of school in Korea. We lined up in perfect rows in the main field. We extended our arms in front of us, parallel to the ground and pointed at the shoulders of the person in front of us to make those perfect rows. I had my name written on a white hankerchief which was pinned to my jacket. It was March, and still quite chilly. My father must have walked me to the school but I can't remember. I don't remember much else besides those white hankies and those perfect rows of children in that large field.

We took our son Christian for his first day of kindergarten this past Monday. The parents swarmed with their little ones in the little playground next to the classroom (the teacher didn't open the door until the bell rang). The teacher handed each child a name tag necklace as they walked in. The parents lingered for a bit, straining their necks to look inside the windows. I waved good-bye as I caught Christian's eye. He waved back. I walked to my car to get to work.

Anyone else start kindergarten this year?

- Mary didn't know that kindergarten is only 3 hours long until a few months ago.

Gangnam Style by Psy

 

So... this video has gone viral. I even saw a short clip of it being talked about on CNN. CNN!!! Anyway, I'm not a huge fan of Psy or anything but I think the video is hilarious. I laughed out loud when the camera zooped out to reveal him sitting on a toilet. What is it with Koreans and the toilet? I remember the guy in the Wonder Girls video of Nobody being on a toilet too. On a side note, my boys are 3 and 5 and talk about poop non stop. They think it's the most hiLARious thing. I guess I'll have many more years of that?

Anyway, if you haven't seen it yet, enjoy!

- Mary

Hump Day Links

Kristen Chase over at Motherhood Uncensored gives some perspective to the perception of Dads and our roles as Moms. (Did you know she's a Kimchi Mama? Probably explains her HAWTNESS.)

 

Speaking of sexy: I guess women of colour aren't sexy anymore? According to VS we're not . . . When I grow up I want to be Jen and Diane at Disgraisan.

 

Is the kid in this video Kimchi? Someone help me out here.

I *heart* this video because:

1. I love Green Day - don't care what you say, takes me back to high school and college

2. I love that this kids gets to play on stage with the band

3. I wish I had muscical skillz...

 

--Angie in Texas is going to practice her trumpet now. (Because trying to learn a new instrument at 30-something is FUN and not TOTALLY FRUSTRATING, okay?!

 

 

 

Cute Korean Paper Doll

Just saw this on KokoLiving and thought it was too adorable not to share:

It's a cute little Korean paper doll complete with a sidebar containing little facts about Korea that could easily be made into a cute bookmark.

Download Paper-dolls-world-korea (PDF)

Happy Asian Pacific American History Month!

The charming men of the National Film Society recently gathered together a group of notable Asian Americans (including Kimchi brethren Phil Yu of Angry Asian Man, Randall Park, and Joy Osmanski), dubbed them "The Asian Avengers," and dished about the the cornucopia (or the lack thereof) of Asian role models they had when they were young:

You can see more of their work at their YouTube channel.

Because Middle School is Tough . . .

Just in case looking and talking with your own Small Talk isn't enough:

http://vimeo.com/40923539 

Gah! My ovaries!!

Angie in Texas considers making more babies when she sees videos like these!