Kimchi Mamas

You Know You Grew Up Korean/Korean American/Korean Candadian If . . .

The local Sunday paper had a fun article today that got me thinking about growing up Korean in the US. So I've come up with a list of "You know you grew up *Korean/Korean American/Korean Canadian if..." of my own. 

Please add your "you know . . . " in the comments.  =)

--Your mother ever gave you guilt about . . . well anything... (Bonus if she pounded her chest with a fist while doing so!)

--You had 2 fridges: one for food and another for kimchi (or else ALL your food tasted like kimchi).

--You ever had to translate a school note, explain a holiday project and/or had a hard time completing the 3rd grade family tree project because there were some family secrets/shame involved and/or there were a lot of branches on that tree with "eemo and samchun".

--Your friends NEVER spent the night.

--Roasting ghim over the flame on the stove.

--You roasted that ghim for ghimbap - which you ate on day-long, car trips, got out, took a look around, ate the ghimbap and got back in the car. You always returned the same night.

--You were a hobo, a clown or a ghost for Halloween more than once.

--You got hit on the back of the head (a lot).

--Your aunt or uncle would pass you a $5 bill and tell your parents "te-sah, te-sah." He or she was your favorite aunt or uncle.

--Your mom made you sweep the carpet, told you you would DIE if you slept with the fan on pointed in your direction and/or were told that women should never sit directly on the floor.

--Threw up from having "han yak". It was usually dark brown, liquidy and has been boiling for hours...Or your mom smeared honey on a piece of boiled ginseng - like it would make it taste better.

--"Fought" for the dinner bill or insisted on paying while out with your non-Korean friends and then was SHOCKED when they were like "ok!"

--Your dad would get drunk, sing sad Korean folksongs and reminsce about the "good times."

--Thanksgiving dinner included the turkey and mashed potatoes, but also yakimandu, kimchi and japchae.

--Your parents scheduled long distance calls to relatives in Seoul and Busan/Pusan/Busan/Pusan.

--Hotdogs have always been a part of jampong.

--You would rather go to school than be sick at home where your mom would make you clean the house.

--Dad smoked Marlboros or Camels and drank Coors light or Budweiser. Mom never smoked or drank, to your knowledge.

--You had a used station wagon or Buick.

--Going to college was NOT an option.

--There's a random collection of blue produce rubberbands in the house.

--Beef jerky was your parents' favorite American snack food.

--You couldn't have a dog (or a cat).

--Hated eating kimchi with almost every meal as a child, but craved it when you went to college.

--You've heard your mom say "why would I ___ for that? I can ___ that!"

--Two words: Korean School. After church lunch in the Fellowship Hall on Sundays.

So what's YOUR "you know if..."

Laughing about childhood because crying isn't as much fun!

--Angie in Texas

*The side note I'd like to add is that this will mostly apply to those of us who grew up Stateside in the 70's, 80's and 90's.

 

Best of the Worst

What's the worst thing your mom or dad has ever said to you?

My dad told me yesterday that he shows his love to me by yelling at me. Um... no thank you please?

Do your parents show you how much they love you by criticizing you too?

Here are some of the best of the worst things I've heard over the years:

• If you're not going to teach your children Korean, don't even bother bringing them to see me.
• Your sister does ____ , why don't YOU do ____?
• You are less than an animal.
• &^%#$% you &@^%#$^!!!

So, let me hear them girls (and boys). What's the worst thing your mom or dad has ever said to you? I know the Koreans can dish out some mean words.

- Mary

Teaching Kids Korean - how to resolve different opinions?

I have not and am not planning to teach my kids a lot of Korean. I am not ruling it out. If they have interest, I am happy to teach them in the future or enroll them in Korean school. You know, the dreaded Saturday classes?

BUT, I am having some internal struggles on how to reply when my parents or my MIL ask about this subject. They want my children to know Korean. Especially my dad and mom since they don't speak a lick of English. My MIL, even though she lives in Korea, actually has learned English a bit and can converse decently, so she has not yet been insistant on requesting that her grandsons know Korean but I feel the question coming in the near future.

I don't see my parents or talk to them often, so that kind of helps... but it seems like almost every time I do see my dad, one of the things he says is, "You should teach your kids Korean." My response so far has been either 1. no response or 2. the docile "neh" meaning something like "yes" or "sure."

Milestone Birthdays

There seems to be a lot of milestone birthdays in Korean culture.

There's baek il or 100 days.

There's dol, the 1st birthday.

If I recall correctly, there's something when you turn 20 or somewhere around there, where you are officially an "adult."

There's hwan gap or 60.

There's chil soon or 70.

There's pal soon or 80.

So, traditionally, hwan gap or the 60th birthday used to be celebrated elaborately. My grandmother had a huge 60th birthday party in Korea. It's kind of like a "Yay, you made it to old age!" kind of thing... but since people are living longer and longer, I hear that pal soon is the new hwan gap. You heard it here first ladies and gents. My grandmother had another huge 80th birthday party in the USA. Good thing she had it for her 80th... she's now 92 and has major dementia.

What's the "right" way to ask about your children's ethnicity or race?

I really enjoyed reading everyone's comments on my last post about ethnicity/race here... but now I am curious...

What is the "right" way to ask questions about a bi-racial/multi-racial (or not-so-obvious ethnicity/race) child's ethnicity/race? Especially if the child is only with one parent and it's not obvious, or if the child is adopted from a ethnicity/race not the same as both or either parent. Or is it even Kosher or PC, to ask about ethnicity/race anymore?

Some of the wrong ways might be:

Is your child adopted?

Is your wife/husband Oriental?

Is that your friend's son/daughter?

Are you the nanny?

Is he/she from China?

Where is your family from?

If you are the parent of a multi-racial or biracial child, how would you prefered to be asked about your child(ren)'s race, if at all?

 

- Mary

How is your relationship with you parents?

As a 1.5 generation Korean woman, I am finding my relationship with my parents rather superficial. I'm kind of estranged from my mother at the moment, and my father lives about 300 miles away and I barely see him once a year. I find myself wondering, what is a "normal" Korean child-to-parent relationship when the children are all grown up?

From what I see, I see either super codependent Korean children who seek their parents approval of everything, even their choice in career and spouse, or I see super independent offspring who don't give a shit what their parents say. I'm kind of the latter, if you couldn't tell already. I mean, I don't really not give a shit... I want them to be proud of me, of course, but I don't consult my parents advice about what to do about X, or how I should handle Y. Maybe that's what they WANT me to do, and since I don't do it... that's the cause of our "bad" relationship?