Kimchi Mamas

Olympian Toby Dawson reunites with his birth father

I was moved to tears by the stories about Olympian free-style skier Toby Dawson's reunion with his birth father, who reportedly lost him at a Busan market over 25 years ago.

I remember being told that sometimes children were lost or separated from family and ended up in orphanages and subsequently adopted to the United States or Europe by accident, but until I went to Korea myself and saw just how populous these train stations and markets were, I just couldn't believe it.

According to the Korea Herald,

Smiles and jokes aside, Dawson delved into his past when he asked his father the circumstances surrounding his placement into an orphanage.

The father has long claimed that Dawson was lost at a Busan marketplace. After long hours of searches and visits to local orphanages, he decided to give up.

"I desperately looked everywhere, but I couldn't find you," Kim said. "I'm sorry.

"But I am proud of who you have become, and I am proud that you came all the way to Korea to meet me."

Dawson's parents have said that the orphanage told them that he was abandoned.

Seeking Bone Marrow Donors

The following message was posted as a comment on the "Welcome Carol" post. If you haven't already registered as a bone marrow donor, please do.

I would like to introduce myself. My name is Fred Cross. I am a professor of genetics at the Rockefeller University, of Caucasian background, married to Elizabeth Kim, who arrived from Korea at the age of 12. We have a son, Sam, who is currently a senior at Harvard. Over the winter break he was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. He has been undergoing extensive chemotherapy. It is possible that a final cure for this deadly disease may require a bone marrow transplant. Unfortunately, even though there are currently more than 7 million donors registered internationally, none are an exact tissue typing (HLA) match for Sam, since he has a relatively rare Caucasian haplotype from me and a more typical Asian one from his mom. Therefore, the most likely source for a perfect match for Sam are people with both Caucasian and Asian ancestry (1/2, 1/4 or 3/4 Asian could all be fine).

Kenneth Eng's "Why I Hate Black People" Article in AsianWeek: What the Hell?

Kenneth Eng wrote an opinion column in AsianWeek last Friday about why he hates black people. (Note: AsianWeek has removed the article from its site, but you can read it here.) AsianWeek is a San Francisco weekly paper that dubs itself "The Voice of Asian America."  I believe in Eng's right to free speech, but I'm sorry, AsianWeek, you do not speak for me.

Eng, a twenty-something, describes himself and "God of the Universe" and an "Asian Supremacist."  I'm so tired of fools like Kenneth Eng. Eng seems to be an equal opportunity hater: he hates Asians and white people, too.

Eng's "reasons" for hating black people include: 

"Blacks hate us. Every Asian who has ever come across them knows that they take almost every opportunity to hurl racist remarks at us."

"Contrary to media depictions, I would argue that blacks are weak-willed. They are the only race that has been enslaved for 300 years."

"Blacks are easy to coerce. This is proven by the fact that so many of them, including the Rev. Al Sharpton, tend to be Christians."

I'm outraged by Eng's reckless comments, not to mention the fact that maybe he should study up on his Asian history before he talks about cultures that are "easy to coerce."

I agree with Henry Der, Director of Chinese for Affirmative Action who said the column "was offensive not only to African Americans but to everyone—and especially because it was published during Black History Month." 

"It is pretty despicable that the piece would do that at this time...If we are to talk about race and issues, then there should be a thoughtful presentation of the diverse views on this topic. If they had done that, however offensive, we would at least understand it in the context in the larger community."

Kenneth Eng, I'd hate to be you right now. Racist, ignorant bigots like you do not speak for me so please, do us all a favor and STFU.

—Stefania Pomponi Butler

Welcome Carol to Kimchi Mamas

Please join me in welcoming Carol, the newest contributor to Kimchi Mamas!  We've enjoyed her comments and her blog Bokumbop so much that we just had to have her here.  Here's a little more about Carol in her own words:

What makes me a Mama:
First time mom of a 16-month-old bouncing hapa boy named lil' T, in my fifth year of marriage to the one known as J. Yes, he knows about my blogging, and about Kimchi Mamas, and he's thrilled!

And the Kimchi part:
I'm run of the mill second gen Korean-American. My parents immigrated from South Korea shortly after their marriage in the early 70's. I was born and made it to adult age in Chicago, where I still live today. I'm the second of four children, and the second of three daughters.

I really enjoy being in a multi-cultural marriage and family. My husband J is Peruvian, and we're both
trying to find our place here in the Chicago suburbs. I'm an advertising/marketing type turned stay-at-home mom, about to return to work again. During this "time off" -- in which I've never worked harder and with more passion in my entire life -- I've developed some bad habits like watching (and enjoying) trashy celebrity-bio TV - thank you E! Network. But I've also had time to really think about own childhood and experience as an Asian kid growing up in a mostly white community, about the kind of parent I want to be, and the environment I want to shape for my dual-minority status child. Kimchi Mamas was the first parenting blog I found that really addressed that, and where I've found a true sense of community that is missing in my everyday life. I am honored and ecstatic that I've been tapped to contribute to Kimchi Mamas! I look forward to reading and sharing more thoughts, experiences and stories, and making more friends and connections along the way.

Fun fact:
I almost made it to the state spelling bee in fifth grade. I missed the word "millionaire". Hope
that wasn't an omen.

Welcome Carol!  Group hug!  Oh, wait. Koreans don't do that...but if we did, GROUP HUG! :-)

—Stefania

Delta Zeta Sorority to Koreans, other minorities: We don't want you

I posted about this on CityMama.  Please give it a look. This situation is outrageous and Delta Zeta National needs to know it.

—Stefania Pomponi Butler

[New York Times photo]

Paranoia? You be the judge...

(Inspired by a Rice Daddies post) I thought it's be fun in a masochistic way to jot down now and then the incidents that make me wonder...  Here's one:

We were at a local grocery store - I counted 3 cute toddlers in shopping carts.  Little Nabi, of course, was one, another Asian female toddler (her mommy and I did the silent but friendly "Hey, sister, good to see another Asian in here" smile and nod), and one white male toddler (his mommy and I did the quick "Oh, isn't he/she too adorable?" verbal exchange).

It just happened that we all passed this older white lady at the same time.  She barely glanced at both LN and the Asian toddler.  When her eyes spotted the little white boy, she beamed.  "Oh, what a sweet little darling... you are a cutie, aren't you?"  and to the mommy, "I simply adore little ones" and proceeded to ask questions about how old, what's his names, etc..

Hm.  Are our girls both wearing invisible cloak today?  The other Asian mommy and I shared yet another silent but friendly acknowledgment: raising the eyebrows.

All About Love

In the New York Times list of “Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying,” the last question resonates with me a little.  Ok, a lot.

“Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?”

I think commitment to marriage is an important issue for couples to ask, but also a cultural issue. It's a bigger issue - it's a family issue.  In part, I believe that my marriage would have ended a lot earlier were it not for the cultural expectation that  marriage is indeed a commitment for life.  That  a mother and father are supposed to stick together - not for love, but for a commitment to family.  It's a bigger issue than just two people.  It's about families, and expectations and the roles we play in our families. 

Our Chinese New Year

I'm a Sunday school teacher at the Korean church that my family is attending. This year, we wanted to do something fun for the kids to celebrate the Chinese New Year and at the same time teach them about the Korean culture and traditions. So we had friends send us little "bok jumoni" (traditional purses) from Korea and filled them with Korean candies, the children did "sae-bae" to the adults and learned how to make man-doo.

The kids loved it and really enjoyed eating their own man-doo. It was great watching them because we never did such things at church when I was young. Sean and Will now ask me to make man-doo all the time (I usually buy the frozen ones at the Korean grocery store. I know, I'm a bad mom but they are SO good!).

Do you celebrate the Chinese New Year? If yes, what did you do this year?

- Irene

Standing in the Shadow of My Family Tree

This piece was originally published in Korean Quarterly in the Spring of 2004. It recounts some of my struggles to figure out where I fit in to both my adoptive family and the missing Korean family I had never known.

Standing in the Shadow of My Family Tree

It all began with Martha Stewart. Yes, the same domestic diva currently contemplating paint swatches for a jail cell; a few years back, I was taken with an issue of her eponymous self-titled magazine. On the front cover was a gorgeous, original rendering of a family tree. Inside the issue were many more examples, some using tree branches and cut paper leaves, others with photographs and calligraphy. I have never been daunted by a Martha Stewart project before, but as much as I wanted to, this was one I knew would never be attempted.

Not your mama's mama... or papa

In a surprisingly un- Mama Nabi -esque short (in comparison) post, I would like to share with you how I was raised and how I would like to do things differently:

1) First and foremost, as many of you can empathize, I was raised with a single mantra: Education is the most important.  Not health.  Not safety.  And god forbid, not happiness - how trite would that be?  Sure, I want Little Nabi to go to college but I sure as hell won't punish her for getting an A- or even, gasp, a B+.  Am I the only one whose parents thought a C grade was an utter failure?  Doubt it.

2) I do applaud my mother's effort in as far as promoting equal opportunites for girls.  Despite my paternal relatives' scorn, she insisted that, instead of contributing to her in-laws old-age fund, she send my sister and me to college.  However, she still had a notion that we should marry doctors, lawyers, and even those likely to become a U.S. President.  There was so much pressure to meet the 'right person'.  As I entered my 30's, still unmarried, I could almost hear my family and friends in Korea breathe a sigh as they abandoned hope.  No marital pressures.  Yes, LN is only 21 months old.  Just planning ahead.