In
the New York Times list of “Questions
Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying,” the last question
resonates with me a little. Ok, a lot.
I
think commitment to marriage is an important issue for couples to ask, but also
a cultural issue. It's a bigger issue - it's a family issue. In part, I
believe that my marriage would have ended a lot earlier were it not for the
cultural expectation that marriage is indeed a commitment for
life. That a mother and father are supposed to stick together - not
for love, but for a commitment to family. It's a bigger issue than just
two people. It's about families, and expectations and the roles we play
in our families.
I
don't mean to say that marriages in Asian families are not about love, because
I know they are. I think that for me, growing up in
For
me, the hardest part about ending my marriage was telling my parents. I
could deal with the loss of my husband, because I can see ways that I
contributed to the end of our marriage. But, to think that maybe I had
let down my parents, that maybe I hadn't lived up to their expectations, that
was the most difficult thing to come to terms with. After everything, I
am still my parents' daughter.
I
sometimes wonder if we didn't try hard enough, if we didn't sacrifice enough to
try to keep our family together. When I hear stories about other families
- what parents sacrifice to keep their families together, I wonder how they
survived. What did they have to give up? Was it worth it?
~ eliaday
