Remember how the Kimchi Mamas won that little contest with the Rice Daddies? Well, as a result, the Rice Daddies will be submitting three (3!) of their most embarassing parentings stories. Embarassing enough? Just plain silly? You be the judge...
So, I present you with Rice Daddy Embarassing Story #1, courtesy of Henri.
I am the toughest man this puny pathetic world has ever known. I drink kerosene with dinner and poop lava rocks. Nothing embarrasses me. I once wore a bolo tie. Enough said. Oh hey and remember the 21 jump street spin-off Booker? Yeah that hair on a little Korean dudes head…I sported that for a few years. Proud of it. The most embarrassing thing that could ever happen to me would be to be embarrassed by something. So it really pains me to try and come up with my most embarrassing parenting moment. Now stupid things that would embarrass an ordinary man….now we’re talking.
Eating Pizza in the Hospital Parking Lot While My Wife Was in Labor
Ok ok this I bring up because a lot of people like to remind me of this post. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this let me set the stage. My wife likes to deliver babies really really fast. Of course how the hell was I supposed to know this before the birth of our first kid? So she wakes up one morning and her water broke. But no labor pains, no contractions, nothing weird at all. We didn’t want to go to the hospital because we knew that once we were in we would be stuck there. As all you Mom’s know there are many stages of labor which for the most part usually lasts a long time. So driving over to Kaiser (the good one which also happens to be the far one) she starts actually feeling something different, like maybe possibly she might have felt a contraction. Within a few miles she is full having contractions. So drop her off at the front of Kaiser and go park the car. Maybe, just maybe I should have just left the car there and gone inside with her. Kinda gray area on that one. Not sure if that deserves stupid-points yet. Ok so I go into this big parking structure and work my way up to the top floor and park the car. I look down at the emergency brake and I see…
A slice of pizza.
Hmmm. Remember that part about once you go into the delivery ward you’re kinda stuck there? So when we were leaving the house I was like frantic…for food. The baby? Meh. But needing food, oh yeah big issue. So the only thing I could grab was some left over pizza as we left the house. Left over pizza which is now looking at me from the center console of my car. Now according to our birthing class there were like 27 stages of labor like pre-labor, descending half-twisty labor, bounce-on-the-big-yoga-ball-labor, your-husband’s-a-dick-labor, last-chance-for-an-epidural-labor, regret-not-getting-the-epidural-labor, and of course active labor. I figure hell we’re gonna be here for 6 hours before we even get to your-husband's-a-dick labor. I suddenly realize that while I was thinking about the stages of labor, I am eating my pizza. Off in the distance I hear the faint chime of stupid-points being racked up like pachinko balls (ping-ping-ping). So yeah, while I was thinking about whether or not I should eat this pizza, I was in fact eating the pizza. While my wife was in labor. I think man o man am I stupid. So I jump out of the car and rush to the delivery ward. Oh yeah of course I took the pizza with me. I’m not that stupid (ping) The baby was born 30 minutes after my wife stepped foot into the hospital.
Keep an eye out for more Rice Daddy Embarassing Stories coming soon...
~ eliaday