A recent article tells of a study suggesting that girls who had good relationships with their fathers are likely to marry men who resemble Daddy. Makes logical sense, as I have done just that (sort of – they’re both Caucasian and have ancestors who hail from the United Kingdom). The article goes on to say that girls who didn’t get along with their fathers do NOT marry men who look like Daddy, which explains why my Korean mother married a white guy. My American father is about as different from my mom’s reviled Korean dad as one can get! Interesting study, indeed, but it got me thinking: Does this mean that my quarter-Korean daughter, who is clearly in love with her Daddy, will most assuredly marry a Caucasian?
I have a confession to make: I secretly hope that my daughter marries a Korean guy. This is not to say that I’ll be even the slightest bit devastated if she doesn’t find the right Mr. Kim. In fact, I’ll be pleased if she eventually settles down with any guy (or girl?) who loves her madly, treats her with respect, and is a good and caring person.
But I can’t get this notion out of my head that if the girl were to marry a Seoul brother, then some of those awesome Korean genes would be making their way back into my family’s bloodline, which, through the marriages of both my mother and me, has become predominantly Caucasian. To quote Seinfeld, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that!” However, I’ve lately become painfully aware that the less “pure” Korean one is, the less seriously one will be taken as a person of Korean ancestry by full-blooded Koreans. If my daughter chooses to embrace her Korean ethnicity as I have done, she will have an even more difficult time than I in convincing Koreans that she is even part Asian. And, if she were to bear children with a Caucasian man, her kids would be only 1/8 Korean, which sounds like a pathetic little fraction to even a hapa Korean!
Among white folks, there’s no mistaking me as an Asian American, or at least hapa. My daughter’s looks, though, are not nearly as obvious. In a room full of whitey, she definitely looks different: her brown eyes are shaped most unusually and her hair is dark and somewhat straight. But put her next to a couple of Korean (or hapa Korean) kids and she looks quite predominantly Caucasian, which she is. Three quarters, in fact. If the girl were to mate with a Korean, her kids would look, well, like ME!
I’m trying to figure out if my Korean groom fantasy is really all about ME resolving my own identity issues, or about my wanting to ease the path of Korean acceptance for my daughter. I do very much hope that my daughter will have the same desire I have to connect with her Korean roots. I’d be disappointed if she completely rejected her Korean background, identified as a white person, and didn’t care about race. Observing how close my daughter is to her full-Korean halmoni, though, makes me think that she’s bound to want to uphold those cultural ties. How can she not? It's in her blood!
--Twizzle
