Kimchi Mamas

In Honor of Harrison and an Update on Elyse

Back in February, I wrote (on my personal blog) about Harrison Leonardo, a three-year-old fighting leukemia. Through Rice Daddies, I learned the very sad news that Harrison passed away on July 19, 2007.

Harrison’s parents have posted a beautiful and heart-wrenching letter to Harrison. As Newbie Dad wrote: “I cannot even begin to imagine the depths of pain and sorrow his parents are feeling. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to his family.” To learn more about Harrison, or to send some supportive thoughts their way, visit his website here.

In addition, donations to a Memorial Fund established in Harrison’s name can be sent to:

Taliban: Remaining 22 Koreans to die Monday

"Please tell the Korean government and the U.S. government about us. We cannot stand this anymore.''

The Taliban kidnappers have apparently released a revised list of prisoners it would like in exchange for the Koreans they are holding captive, many of whom are said to be in poor health. If the prisoners aren't released, they have threatened to kill the hostages Monday.

Korea Times has an interview with one of the captives, a 39-year-old woman named Yoo Jung-hwa who is volunteering as an English interpreter.

Her quote above says it all. I hope there is a peaceful and just solution to this horrific situation.

—Stefania Pomponi Butler

Putting PR people on notice

In the "State of the Momosphere" session on day 1 of Blogher07, I listened as not one, but two PR guys smugly stood up to tell us mothers how proud they were of their strategy to "hook" moms into trying their products by pretending to read our blogs (so we'll trust them) before offering up whatever it is that they'd like us to blog for free.

And I fumed.

My hand shot up and Jory passed me the mike, and I told them (essentially) to stop treating us all like we're stupid.  We all know PR people don't read our blogs.  I mean, if one more PR person starts and email with, "Hey! How was Hawaii!" because a quick glance through last month's posts mentions my trip, I'm gonna scream.

I also told them that even though I get pitches everyday at CityMama, over at Kimchi Mamas we get none.  Not a one. Ever.

Because people of color do not matter to advertisers.

To his credit one of the PR dudes came up to me after the session and asked "How should we pitch to mommy bloggers?"

And I said, "Tell me you looked up my stats on Alexa. Tell me you picked me because you *think* I may be influential. Tell me that you know mombloggers get pitched to all the time but that you'd *pretty please* like me to listen to you.  Just don't bullshit me by telling me 'you read my blog.' I know you don't."

Then he admitted, "You're right. We don't pitch to bloggers of color."  And here's the money quote: "We just don't know what to do with them."

Yes, I did thank him for making me feel like a second class citizen.

But the most important thing I forgot to say as I was giving the PR dude that smackdown was that when the BlogHer ad network was starting and Lisa Stone asked me if I'd like to join it, I said, "Sure, but I'm also starting this blog called Kimchi Mamas with some other moms..."

Without hesitating, Lisa said, "Great. We'd love to have you all, too."

I didn't have to qualify. I didn't have to explain. I didn't have to pitch. I didn't have to justify. And because of that, I remember her words.

She just GOT IT. No further questions asked, and Kimchi Mamas has been part of the ad network since the Day 1. That right there is why I have so much respect for BlogHer.

So why is it that no PR people will pitch to us?

When I pointed out sarcastically that maybe it's because "Asians don't clean," (since I do get an extraordinary amount of cleaning product pitches) an Asian sistah from the back of the room added, "Yeah, we just do laundry."

This brings up so many issues for me.  Like, why are all the people in commercials white? And why aren't there any sitcoms about Asian families? (Where are the Asian Huxtables or Waltons?) Why are we so invisible in the media? Why is it that when I see an Asian couple (or even rarer) a mixed-race couple on TV, I secretly take pleasure in it even though the novelty and tokenness of it pisses me off and then I get angry at myself for feeling happy in the first place?

What are these people saying about me if I'm desirable as a "CityMama" and not as a "Kimchi Mama?"

What we as BlogHers—as humans—going to do about it?

photo: Jupiter Images

[cross-posted on CityMama]

—Stefania Pomponi Butler/CityMama

Kimchi Mamas Meet-up in Chicago

Stefania and I are in Chicago this weekend for the BlogHer Conference, and so Carol organized a meet-up of some of the local Kimchi Mamas, their husbands, and kids.  Unfortunately, Stefania was speaking at the conference and had to cancel, but the rest of us met at Millenium Park for a picnic. We had a great time, and the Chicago Kimchi Mamas have some gorgeous, sweet kids. 

Pictured: Mamazilla (of the fabulous Filipina Moms), HalfMama, Glennia, Carol, and Sarah and kids.

-Glennia

Just popping in

to say "hi!"

We are having a great time in Korea. Despite a somewhat rocky start (our flight to Chicago was delayed and we thought we'd miss our connecting flight), we made it (by a squeak - 10 minutes, and only because the flight to Korea was 20 minutes delayed) - but alas, our luggage did not fare as well. I was advised ahead of time to carry spare clothing in our carry-on, so we managed until our luggage was found three days later. Fresh clothes have never been so welcoming. My kids also both got sick on the long bus ride from the airport to the hotel. I feel like I've lost 5 pounds already, just by all the walking and sweating!! It's been cooler than expected but still hot, hot, hot and humid.

But once we arrived at the hotel, all was good. My friend Jane (also an adoptee who has been living in Korea for the past 2+ years) welcomed us at the airport and has been an amazing guide and it's been great to catch up as well. Her Korean language skills are amazing to me, and even though she feels far behind, I have been inspired by her to start taking language lessons seriously when I return. I know that the next time I come to Korea, I want to be able to speak more than "hello" and "thank you."

So far, we've done a bunch of real tourist-y things and I have been awed by how well my kids have traveled. We have visited Insa-dong, Namsam Park and took the cable car to Seoul Tower. We visited Lotte World (though not the rides) and visited the Folk Museum there, and watched the changing of the guards at Gyeongbokgung Palace. We went to Korybo bookstore and found Harry Potter (a requirement for my daughter) and also bought the first Harry Potter book in Korean for fun.My friend lives near Sinchon, so we've spent several evenings walking around that college neighborhood stufing ourselves on street food and buying cheap trinkets.

We took a road trip to Daegu to visit my orphanage. My kids sat on the steps where I was found as a one-year old baby. For my kids, that made my history all the more real. They are really quite the troopers. We went to the Heinsa temple and that was so beautiful and made me really appreciate the country that I was born in. My daughter, who is 13, said to me in the car on the way back to Seoul, "I'd live here, Mom" and I felt like I'd won the lottery.

My son, with his cute curly hair and sweet face, has been the delight of all the ajummas in Seoul. Every day, they pet him and force feed him raisins and mints and gum and candy and one even pulled him out of one subway car into the next one because there was an empty seat for him. Hmph. She didn't care one bit about the rest of us! That was one bold ajumma. She took off his baseball cap and wiped the sweat off his face with a tissue. My daughter has been feeling kind of jealous of all that attention. If I was worried about the stares and rude behavior, it's been the opposite. My husband and son are fawned over every time they open their mouths. Oh, they coo and aaah over their "kahmsamnida's" while my daughter and I are virtually ignored!! (We're still having a great time, though)!

Tonight we picked up a bunch of friends for dinner. The IKAA conference I'm attending and presenting at doesn't start until next Wed. but people are starting to trickle in and I've reconnected already with several long-time friends.

We have another few days before Mr. and the kids leave and the conference begins. I'll pop in again if I get the chance. I've been journaling like crazy, and hope to have some interesting things to write about for the blog when I return.

-- Jae Ran

Open Thread Thursday

Welcome to Open Thread Thursday. What's on your mind today?

--The Kimchi Mamas

This Time It's Personal!

Bullet-riddled body of S. Korean found.

Beauty, Eye, and Beholder - the Korean way

There is a certain dissonance in the way Koreans seem to approach beauty - and how to discuss it.  I know I am not the first one to point out that Koreans can be blunt when it comes to one's external beauty. 

Korean culture being a Confucius-influenced one, one would expect a modicum of discretion or at the very least a degree of sensitivity regarding another's corporeal flaws.  Not so.  Raise your hand, especially the ladies out there, if you've been the victim of that Korean bluntness:

"I hear there's a new plastic surgeon in town; have you made your appointment yet?"
"Have you been gaining weight?"
"Long time no see... last time I saw you, you had no white hair.  (pause)  I can recommend a great product."

Yeah... I thought so.

As American as Mom and Kimchi

My mother immigrated to the US from Korean in 1961.  She was a tiny, 19 year-old powerhouse with a 10 month old baby girl, a fairly good grasp of the English language, and a love for my father that defied her family, her culture, and all common sense.  I was that 10 month old baby, and according to family lore, I was a cranky, colicky baby who shrieked non-stop all the way from Seoul to Louisville, Kentucky.  We were greeted in Louisville by my beloved Granny, my aunt whose first name I bear, and my Grandpa.  According to the tale, I immediately stopped crying, reached out for Granny and never gave my mother a second thought, nor shed another tear.

Nearly nine years after our arrival on American soil, my mother became a US citizen. I was in second grade, and the story of her journey from Korean to American is one that the two of us shared every step of the way. 

When I was in first grade, my mother and I were watching TV together when we saw a public service announcement reminding all "Permanent Resident Aliens" to renew their green cards.  I asked my mother what an "alien" was, and she said wistfully, "Me."

She looked pained.  I asked if I was an "alien" too, and she told me that since my dad was an American, even though I was born in Korea, I was an American, too.  She explained that my younger brothers were both American because they had been born in America.

My mother told me that anyone who was not born in this country was considered an "alien" unless they became a citizen.  She confided in me that she wanted to become a citizen, but there was a test, and she didn't think her English reading and writing skills were good enough to pass. 

I hit upon an idea.  Now that I was in school, I could teach her to read and write.  I was an early reader, and excelled at spelling and grammar.  I asked my teacher for extra copies of my worksheets and to be allowed to take my textbooks home "so I could practice."  The teacher either thought I was an apple-polishing suck-up, or the most dedicated student she had ever met.  I don't think she suspected that the real student was a proud 27 year-old woman with three children.

Not so long and lost

Stumbling across the Internet, I recently reconnected with a relative, a first cousin. His parents are the only other direct relatives who raised their family in the U.S., so that makes these cousins, my three siblings and me the only second-gen Korean-American offshoots of the clan. And our children are now the third generation. I haven't seen him since I was maybe, six or seven years old? We traded a couple of e-mails and shared some pictures of our kids. I told J about it.