There is a certain dissonance in the way Koreans seem to approach beauty - and how to discuss it. I know I am not the first one to point out that Koreans can be blunt when it comes to one's external beauty.
Korean culture being a Confucius-influenced one, one would expect a modicum of discretion or at the very least a degree of sensitivity regarding another's corporeal flaws. Not so. Raise your hand, especially the ladies out there, if you've been the victim of that Korean bluntness:
"I hear there's a new plastic surgeon in town; have you made your appointment yet?"
"Have you been gaining weight?"
"Long time no see... last time I saw you, you had no white hair. (pause) I can recommend a great product."
Yeah... I thought so.
My mom's friends are no exception. They've always praised how pretty my sister is (she looks just like my mom, their beloved friend) and tsk-tsked at my mom's misfortune for having a second daughter (me) who looks just like the father. Oh, they weren't saying that my dad's particularly unattractive - in fact, they found him mysteriously irresistible. But that look wasn't so appealing on a girl. Some of the subtle hints would go the way of, "Aigo, aigo, you need to invest some money in that girl. Poor thing." Yes, my mom's friends were pressuring my mom to get me to a plastic surgeon pronto and help me out.
When I was in high school, I'd dread being around those "girl-talks" my mom and her friends would have because they'd take apart every aspect of my face (long horsey face, decent nose only because I have a taller man-ly bridge, eyes that could use a few incisions) and inevitably sigh and cluck their hen tongues... "What bad luck - it'd been good if she were a boy..."
Imagine their enthusiasm when my mom partially gave in...
My eyes have always been slightly jjak-jjak-i (not identical pair) but they became quite different in size by the time I was in college due to my right eyesight being exponentially worse than the left eye. Because I could still see and funtion via my left eye, my body automatically used only the left eye, leaving the right eye to get lazier and the eyelid to become fatter. Of course, it probably wouldn't have been so dramatic if I had allowed myself to use corrective lenses... hindsight wouldn't be the only 20/20 vision I'd have.
Apparently, adjusting jjak-jjak-i eyes is not a cosmetic surgery and insurance would cover the cost - would you believe it, I was told that this kind of thing happens frequently and I was not, in fact, a freak of nature. My mom decided that I should have an eye surgery.
During the pre-op interview, the young surgeon, with neatly-made double folds in her eyelids, wanted to know how big I wanted my eyes:
"I don't understand... as big as my left eye...?"
"I have to cut open both eyelids to get them to match."
Well, my left eye was just fine the way it was, or so I thought; it had a faint crease in the eyelid that accentuated into a full-blown double fold when I was tired. I simply wanted my right eye to match my left and told her so.
"You sure about that? They both have to be cut up and your left one's going to get a little bigger any way..."
"Yes. In fact, I'd rather not have them changed too much." I was thinking, 'What will my college friends think when I come back from my Korean summer holidays with two large cartoon eyes?'
"Most people pay 10 times what the insurance will be charged to get this surgery. Don't you want to take advantage of it?" She drew an outline of how big and round my eyes could get.
"I actually don't want people to notice that I've had anything done..."
She looked at me as though I'd actually grown a third eye right in front of her own perfectly aligned eyes. Shrugging, she said, "It seems a waste of money, especially since it'd practically be free..."
Hey lady, the fact that I still have to shell out almost $300 for whatever the insurance doesn't cover doesn't sit well so leave my eyes alone!
In the end, I got a pair of slightly new-looking eyes; she was right, my left eye did get a bit bigger because she had to surgically match the two eyes. Not so much that any of my college friends noticed anything different when I returned to the States. While she was snipping away, she and her nurse were chatting about how crazy I was to turn down bigger eyes. The nurse even added, "With insurance paying for it, you could have looked much better for free! More feminine."
Hello, Nurse!
When I last saw my mom's friends, they conceded that my face did round out a bit better than they had expected... "I thought she'd turn out uglier... she's almost pretty now that she's old." At least they didn't call me an old maid to my face...
My mom is now concerned with the extra layer of fat around my waist. She tells me if I don't lose it right after the baby is born, I'd be stuck with it. I do what I can - it seems all I can do for it is to keep it from expanding further. No number of sit-ups seem to reduce that circumference.
Confucius said, "Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it" Sometimes, it feels more like, "I have a few physical flaws and everyone talks about it."
My right eye...? It's been almost 15 years since the surgery and it's droopy again, not so much that you'd notice right away but I see it in the mirror. Sigh. Wonder if my mom's friends would notice when we visit in the fall...
-Mama Nabi
