I don't know if this stings so much more because I had only recently returned from Korea...
Last night, upon finding our refrigerator contents to be most uninteresting and una
ppealing to our palates, Little Nabi and I left our house to eat out. After all, having been used to eating from a table crammed with ban-chan, the simple meals I cook for LN in the evenings seem... well, simple and BLAH.
As we were led to our table, I noticed an Asian family also being seated at the same time.
The family consisted of grandparents, 2 younger couples, each couple with one little girl (about 3 and 4), a middle-aged woman (aunt?), and a younger single woman (sister?). The family doted upon the young girls - passing food over to them, smiling at them, laughing at the cute things they said. They did a family-style meal, i.e. all the dishes were set in the middle as they shared from each plate. The men (grandfather and one of the younger men) at the end would occasionally drift into a lower-voiced conversation, undoubtedly discussing manly stuff. The older single woman/aunt was the busiest, constantly passing the plates to this person and that person: Eat, eat - try this, this is good!
LN and I sat by ourselves and I could not have felt more homesick. There was no doting halmoni who passed the best piece of fish over to LN's plate. There was no aunt to take a turn feeding LN or wiping her face. As I sat, holding LN's lemonade glass in one hand while LN drank and scooping up a scallop with chopsticks in my other hand, I saw LN stare at the next table. And I, too, stared at the next table where there was conversation, familiar kindness and sharing, and an ease that you can only find among family members.
Oh, and the girls, they joined in the chatter, eating little bites that were offered to them from all sides of the table. They barely noticed others (wait-staff, other diners, hostesses) as they were cozily and safely enveloped within their table of family members. The girls seemed relaxed, not showing the uneasy shyness that can overcome LN whenever someone approached our table.
And I was fiercely jealous. Yes. Jealous. I don't have family here, except for my sister. When we do go out to dinner with Papa Nabi's family... well, it's not exactly 'family style'. There's no doting upon the grandchild. In fact, we ate at a restaurant with the in-laws on their recent visit and my MIL visibly blanched when the server started to explain their 'family style dining experience' - so much so that FIL had to tell her, "[MIL], now don't get so excited there. You can order what you want. We'll all each get our own dish and we don't have to do the 'family style'. You don't have to share." Even then, MIL was displeased at the very notion.
I didn't realize how much I missed the Korean style of eating until we ate with my mother's big family (3 brothers and wives, 1 sister and husband, 4 cousin brothers and wives... and even a half-sister who joined us for one meal). There was much encouragement - Eat! Drink! Have some more! Try this! Try that! Have you tried this with that?
My youngest uncle, who remembered my favorite fish (hell, I didn't even remember that it was my favorite - I wondered why it showed up in front of me and LN), had it specially ordered ahead of time. They had previously consulted my mom on what PN would like and wouldn't like - made sure that the things he would like were in front of him, near his chopstick reach. They even made sure that PN had a separate bowl for his chigae because they had heard that Americans don't always like dipping their spoons into a shared dish.
Most of all, these plethora of uncles and aunts wanted to see LN eat well. Anything LN might want to eat was ordered, sent down to our end of the table. Every last morsel of anything was offered to LN before someone else claimed it. If it was healthy for you, LN was offered to try some first. If it was the restaurant's specialty, it was sent down to LN for approval.
Once, as we cooked what seemed an endless supply of kalbi meat, LN declared, "Kalbi makes me happy, Mommy!" And that little statement of appreciation made the entire table laugh in delight - and more kalbi was sent our way.
Indeed, kalbi with family does make your mommy happy, too, Little Nabi...
So. How much of a typical Korean am I being by feeling overwhelmed with jealousy and homesickness while watching another family eat? Aigo....
-Mama Nabi
