Kimchi Mamas

The Reluctant Kimchi Mama

 Although I am one of the original Kimchi Mamas, I have not been a regular poster for some time now. For the most part, my absence is due to a demanding full-time job that sucks up most of my life, even though I consider work to be a lesser priority than my family. When I am not working as a fundraiser for a Major State University, I am juggling the needs of my family, including a radiant four-year old daughter; a terrific forty-three year old husband; and a humble, old hound.*

Because the Kimchi Mamas community has grown so much over the past year, I’d like to take this opportunity to re-introduce myself. I am Twizzle, an online moniker I’ve used since the early nineties when I first started using email. While I think frequently about outing myself and using my real name on this blog (and on my personal one), I always get cold feet and decide against it. Why must I hide behind a thin cloak of anonymity? Primarily to protect my family. I suppose if I were to blog only about myself, I would feel more free to use my real name; however, because I write so voluminously about my daughter, I feel that I owe it to her to protect her privacy, as well as safeguard her from any malefactors who might comb through Asian American mom blogs for whatever perverted reason.

Golf Fever: Congenital talent... or

My parents never got swept into the golf craze.  We left Korea in late 70's and missed out on the economic boom of the '80's; golf wasn't even part of our vocabulary while we lived in Bangladesh.

I do remember we would share a chuckle or two as we made fun of one of my dad's younger business associate who came to Bangladesh a few years after we did.  This man had golf on his mind 24/7.  Whenever he had a few minutes to kill, whether waiting for the car to pull up or waiting to be seated at a restaurant, he'd position his feet in a golf stance and take a phantom swing with his phantom club.

Of course, this phantom swing always followed long awkward moments of watching this man wiggle his hips, shift his feet until position was prime, loosen his shoulders, feint few phantom phantom swings, and swivel his neck a few times before he was ready to take a real phantom swing.  It was... painful to watch yet too amusing not to.

The Multiracial American Family

Thanks to our commenter Kristen for pointing this out, I caught her comment about MSNBC featuring coverage on being Multiracial in America. There are six video vignettes of individual families from various parts of the U.S., from Alabama to California and in between. I watched all of them. Their stories are so different but so familiar, too. I don't know how long it's been there, or how much longer it will be available, so I encourage you to take a look. (Note, it does not include the perspectives of a family made multiracial through adoption or of a multi-racial family with same-sex parents, but many resounding themes are woven throughout each family's story.)

I'm so glad this is being discussed more and more in mainstream media. I don't constantly ponder what it means to be a Korean-American, a woman, a mom, in an inter-racial marriage and raising a multi-racial family. I don't see myself as doing anything extraordinary, my marriage and family are not a political platform. We're just a family. But I know I get to say that because I am a beneficiary of the work that had been done by brave activists before us. I am grateful that I don't have to fight today to justify my marriage or have to endure my child being called an abomination (at least not to my face), with no recourse or rights.

But I don't think about these things often. Most of the time, I just go about my days quietly and uneventfully, endless grocery store runs, putting the little one down for a nap, and these days trying to find a new job that will enable me to also be a mom. A whole lot of normalcy here. But there is always that tension - not necessarily a bad thing, but something that is there, like white noise in the background. It's helpful for me to have it brought to the surface, not necessarily screaming it from rooftops, guns a-blazin' and fists raised in the air, but getting a glimpse into the introspection we all go through in making our choices. Learning about other everyday families, living with and loving each other, just being, like us.

--Carol

North Korea, B-boys, and Open Thread Thursday

From the New York Times website comes news that the U.S. will remove North Korea from its terror list after North Korea agreed to submit a declaration detailing its nuclear activities.

And if you ever wondered how Koreans got to be so good at break-dancing, read Jeff Chang's essay about Korean b-boys in Salon.

Want to talk about nukes, b-boys, or your mother-in-law? Looking for a recipe or a venue for your child's dol? Welcome to Open Thread Thursday.

--The Kimchi Mamas

Japanese Curry - a quick and easy meal

 

For five months, I was fortunate to have my MIL around to cook meals for myself and my family while she was looking after the two kids. I would come home from work and dinner would be ready on the table. After dinner, she would insist that I play with the kids while she did the dishes. After all, I had been away from the kids, working hard. She wanted me to have some downtime. Despite my MIL's annoying habits quirks, I do admit that I was spoiled during the time she was with us. So when she left to go back to Korea, the duties of housewifery fell back to me. Luckily, after working for most of my children's lives, I was ready to stop working and experience life as a SAHM.

After I quit my job, I went a little crazy with the domestic duties of a SAHM. I cooked tons of meals, cleaned every corner of my house, rearranged the pantry, dusted the pictures, etc. However, now that I am in the third trimester of my pregnancy, I am starting to feel the adverse effects of coming out of the gates running. The pantry has gone back to its usual disarray, sometimes the toys don't get put back in the correct place and I am now too tired to cook dinner most nights.

Educating My Therapist

In my usual modus operandi of sharing TMI (Too Much Information), I would like to share with you a thought I had during therapy.  Yes, I am temporarily in therapy.

Therapist is not someone I picked; she was provided via EAP (Employee Assistance Program) which means she gives me 3 free sessions.  Although my personal blog is still my "poor woman's therapist", I sought out therapy of some kind initially for Little Nabi - she recently had a traumatic experience - but was urged to see one myself due to all that was going on with my divorce.

Suzie Wong buys shoe at local shoe store

I had an irritating racialized moment this past weekend. Mr. HM and I were at a shoe store. Normally I don't go in boutique/specialty shoe shops, being more of a discount/DSW type of shoe buyer, but Mr. HM wanted to look at this place. On the 70% discount rack I found a pair of sandals at a great price and, of all things, in my size (5 1/2) - that combination is a rare sight. The salesperson who rings up my purchase is an older gentleman, white, Al Bundy-esque. He wants to know my name.

Bundy: And your name is . . ?
Me: Why do you need to know that information? I don't want to be on a mailing list.
Bundy: Oh! Well, in case you need to return the shoes.
Me: Why does that matter? I'll have a receipt.
Bundy: Well. . . can I just write in a fake name then?
Me, getting irritated: I don't care.
Bundy: Okay, how about if I put in Wong, Suzie.
Me, visibly pissed off: NO.
Bundy, flustered: Uh, oh, um, okay how about if I put your name as Mary then.
Me: NO.
Bundy, backpedaling furiously: Okay,  ma'am, I'll just put down that you paid in cash, and we SURE ARE pleased to have your business and I SURE HOPE you have a GREAT day.

(Meanwhile, Mr. HM is pacing behind me, worried I'm going to go off on this guy. To his suggestion that he enter my name as Suzie Wong, I SHOULD have responded, "Do I look like a Chinese prostitute to you?" I was thinking it but suffer from an ailment called, "IgnoreRacism-itis," learned over years of being told by my color-blind adoptive parents that racism is all in my own mind). Maybe I should have just responded, "Me no love you long time."

-- Jae Ran

Everybody's Favorite Kimchi Daddy in KoreAm Journal

Pierre Kim aka Metrodad is probably one of the funniest, wittiest writers in the parenting blogosphere, and don't you know we're just a little proud that he happens to be Korean too! Between his day job in the fashion world, traveling to just about every corner of the earth, boozing with celebrities and making sure his daughter is both unfalteringly polite and excellent at farting, he manages to find time to make us all laugh so hard our drinks come out our noses.

So I was a little surprised to read his piece in this month's issue of Koream Journal (with Pricilla Ahn on the cover...more on her later). As part of a series of essays by different writers on what they learned from their fathers, Pierre wrote about how he didn't want to be the kind of father his dad was to him. The piece was both sad and hopeful at once, but mostly it struck me as being brave.

Open Thread Thursday

What's on your mind?

--The Kimchi Mamas

kimchi mamas in bitch magazine!

in my spare time after readings blogs, i turn to good ole magazines - one of my favorites is bitch magazine, "the feminist response to pop culture."

and this quarter, i was pleasantly surprised to see a screen shot of kimchi mamas!  the article was called, "Mommy & me: Looking for the missing voices in the burgeoning world of mom blogs."  it suggested that maybe the reason that moms of color aren't as visible in the blogging community is due to implicit forms of racism.  and, it suggested the blogs like ours, anti-racist parent, and others, are all part of the solution. =)  go us.

the companion article to this piece was called "Ain't I a Mommy?  Booksellers brim with motherhood memoirs.  Why are so few of them penned by women of color?"    unfortunately, this article was pretty black and white about motherhood, focusing more on the absence of African American voices on motherhood.

i happy though to see bitch addressing motherhood... i'd like to think that motherhood has forced me to be a stronger feminist and more political in my thinking. 

Download bitch magazine articles.zip

~ eliaday