A few posts ago, I read a comment that included these words: "half breeds".
No, I am not rallying for angry responses because 1) it's obvious that there were no malicious intentions and 2) she may be referring to what OTHERS say. It wasn't clear as the words were not in quotation marks but I am not going to pretend to be a mind reader.
In fact, I should thank her since those words got me thinking about self-identifying labels for my biracial daughter and others like her.
Half. And other pesky fractions used to describe people. I get lost as the denominator gets larger and larger... it's what, 2, 4, 8, 16...? Isn't there a name for this kind of mathematical progression? I should know, right? Riiiiight.
Anyway. Back to the point of this post.
We have lately been discussing certain terms and labels and why some of us think they should be dismissed from our lexicon and why some of us think we should forgive certain instances. I will stick my neck out and reveal that I belong more in the former area rather than the latter.
It's not that I don't understand cultural or geographical influences on our language. Believe me, I am quite aware of how things are in other countries vs. how they are here... or in Korea. My own father referred to a friend of mine as "ggam-doong-i", as in "blackie". Did I forgive him for saying that because that's what everyone else in his generation says? No, I didn't. I asked him to refer to my friend as a "hg-in" or "black person". I explained to him why "blackie" is dehumanizing and that, as a friend of the said person, I took offense. Yeah, got a good beating from him for my uppity attitude - but, you know what? He never said "ggam-doong-i" in my presence again.
Before I became a mother, I did cringe when older generation would use antiquated terms but I held my tongue; they are old, hopefully when they die they will take their ignorance with them. Sure, I could excuse the imperialistic language; they can't help that their country historically had a habit of usurping other countries and behaving badly. Oh, that poor ignorant person who's never seen an Asian woman before and had no idea "Chink" does not make me all warm and fuzzy; why should it be his/her responsibility to know what I would prefer to be called?
Then I became a mother and quickly learned how much it pained me to imagine my Little Nabi in a world where she thinks less of herself because of... words. Being a word-y person myself, perhaps I do put too much stock in mere grouping of letters. Or perhaps... we are not doing enough.
How did we, growing up, form ideas about ourselves? What defined us as teenage girls? Whom did we see when we looked into a mirror? Did the words on the playground NOT have any effect on our self-esteem? Our self-identity?
As adult women, are we hurting less? Sure, we can laugh about the times someone teased us about our physical flaws back in elementary school - we know better now, we know we don't judge people for their looks. (Or do we?) How about the time when the boy in your math class pulled at the corner of his eyes and said "Hey, Slanty-Eyes, I look like you now"? Do you sometimes find yourself pulling at your own eyes and wondering if you'd be prettier with bigger eyes? How about being called a "flat face"? Do you catch yourself avoiding profile photos?
Words do stay with us. This goes beyond politically correct or incorrect. If you say that you don't give a second thought to what Jimmy in second grade said about your birthmark that made you feel ugly, I commend you; you are a bigger woman than I. I still hurt.
This is why I am struggling with the very basic words to decribe my daughter who has a Korean mommy and a white daddy. Many times I will say "biracial" - mostly because it feels incorrect to say "half", perhaps because of my own personal feelings regarding my recent divorce. I also conjure up images of King Solomon and the two women who bickered over a baby. (Yes, I went to a Christian school and yes, we had bible study almost every day.)
I hope it's obvious why "half breeds" is a BIG NO. If not, think in terms of animal breeders. Dehumanizing.
Then there is the term many of us have been using: hapa. I happily used that term until I heard about the controversy. Now, I don't know. I will admit that I love the idea of having a short, even catchy, word to visually describe LN's racial make up. I will still use it among friends, friends with their own "hapa" children. However, I wonder if we need to come up with a different word... if so, what?
Anyone have any ideas? Which word(s) do you use to describe someone of mixed race? Or are you as puzzled and hesitant as I?
Should we go ahead and make up our own word for our mixed race children? So we don't have to start fractioning out our children every time we describe them racially?
-Mama Nabi
