So. I'm still here. Still pregnant. Still waiting. This third pregnancy has been subsequently harder than the first two - physically, I"m a wreck and I'm a ball of hormonal rage (you should feel badly for all those around me. Very badly. heh) but there's one big thing that will be different this time around - My Mother-in-law won't be here to help me afterwards.
And you know what?
I can't tell you just how relieved I am about this.
Now, I've outlined before the pros and cons of having my MIL around, but for the most part, she gives me so much stress that my acid reflux tends to flair up when she's around. Some of you may recall my old posts (from my personal blog) about my MIL. She is not the typical Korean Mother-in-law that expects me to service her and her son while she sits back watching Korean videos as she uses a tiny fork to spear her fruit. She is very kind and understanding - when she is with us, she cooks all the meals as well as clean up afterwards. She gives me all the free time I need while selflessly watches the children and doesn't even make a peep about the fact that we can't pay her much or buy her any gifts to show our gratitude. She's a great MIL, especially for someone like me who is not your typical Korean daughter-in-law.
However.
Her presence is sometimes just too. much. When she comes to visit, she usually stays for long periods of time, at least six months. She does do all the cooking but with that entails a messy kitchen and a smelly refridgerator. She doesn't even cover the banchan when she puts it back in the fridge after a meal. She washes old kimchi stained reynolds wrap. She flings water and fish juice everywhere when she prepares meals. When she handles raw meat and poultry, she washes her hands with cold water. and NO SOAP. She is a constant stream of gab and stories and always has some sort of analogy or anecdote for anything that ever happens in our lives. When she's around, I just feel...suffocated. I need my space and my own time and most importantly, sometimes I just need silence. I just can't get that when she's here. And to have her around me when I will be weepy, hormonal and postpartum is just too much to bear. I sound so horribly ungrateful but I just don't think I can deal with her this time around.
When my husband mentioned that she had voiced interest in coming back to "help", I just about had a panic attack. I carefully treaded around the subject but let him know how I felt about her coming to stay with us again - I told him that as helpful as she was, I could handle the kids by myself. I know having a newborn and two toddlers will be challenging, but I told him it was a challenge I could figure out on my own. I'm pretty sure he saw through my facade (I had to hold myself back from screaming SHE CAN'T COME BACK I CAN'T STAND IT) but he did agree that it was too stressful when his mother was around.
He spoke to her the other day and suggested that maybe she continue to stay in Korea. After all, my Father-in-law is not in the best of health and she also needs to focus on her own health. So for now, she'll stay put in Korea and let us handle things on our own. Maybe I'll regret not having the extra help but it'll definitely be worth the peace of mind, as well as the fresh kimchi-free air :)
- Linda loves the fact that she has an extra refrigerator designated for smelly Korean food.
