(When I wrote the first Kimchi Kommitment post, I had no idea it would turn into a three part series . . . Thank ya'll for indulging me.)
I have two brothers. My older brother is older by 3 years and my younger brother is younger by 3 years (mom was on that natural, breastfeeding timing thing) . . . Anyhow, as their sister I have seen some of the struggles they face(d) as Asian men in South Central Texas – specifically dating.
My older brother is the epitome of Texas masculinity. He’s tall (6’ 1”) and big (tipping the scales at 200+ lbs.) – he’d be perfect as a DMZ “mirror”. In high school he was a star football player and super popular. Teachers loved his sense of humor, the football coaches admired his drive and strength and his friends knew they could always count on his loyalty. It must have killed him to be related to me: a nerdy, awkward, funny-acting and annoying little sister.
But looking back, one of the things I see noticeably missing from his high school experience was a high school sweetheart. Most, if not all, of his friends had girlfriends or at least dated a lot. Girls flocked to him, but most in the capacity of being “just friends”. There was a girl he wanted to date, but like something out of an 80’s film it was ill-matched: she was this wealthy, white girl whose family was really white and did I mention wealthy? They were friends and I think she liked him but wasn’t “allowed” to date him. =( (We were Korean, poor and our family was not wealthy.) Some time during high school he met a girl (Mexican American) and they dated for a while. They eventually got engaged, but she broke his heart and eventually married a Mexican American man. Years later, my brother met and married (a Mexican American) and is now the father to two beautiful “Kor-exican” girls.
My younger brother is tall (6’ 1”) and just a touch under 200 pounds (but not after eating mom’s kalbi). In high school, he followed more in my footsteps than in our brother’s. He was on the debate team (go CCX!), competed in UIL academic competitions, was a member of the Ac Dec team and we actually had some mutual friends. Again, teachers loved his personality (he’s got a great, very dry sense of humor), the debate coaches really enjoyed his perspective and his friends knew he was someone you could always turn to in times of need.
And sadly, AGAIN, looking back there’s a lack of girlfriends. There was one girl who was really interested in him (that I knew of) but he was totally intimidated by her. And if I was a 15 year-old boy, I would have been, too! Otherwise, it wasn’t until he was in his early 20s that he had a real steady girlfriend. But they broke up when she went to pursue graduate school in Arizona. Since then, not a lot of dates (that I know about) . . .
And all of this comes together here because I wonder how much of them being Korean has/had to do with them dating (or not). It's already hard enough for men, especially younger men, to ask a girl out. There's a lot of pressure and lots of stuff about rejection and all that . . . I don’t care if they marry and have kids with a Korean woman, a Mexican American woman or a purple alien. I just want them to be happy and have healthy meaningful relationships. In the meantime, I wonder is there any role their ethnicity may have (or may not have) played in their romantic lives?
I wouldn’t mind hearing from our RiceDaddies brothers. *cough*
-Angie in Texas pimps out her younger brother as often as she can . . . despite his please for her to stop.
