I grew up in Korea until I was 9 years old.
I didn't do much dating back then. I guess I have come to a full circle since... I'm not doing much of that now.
While I was in an international boarding school in India, I did initially have crushes on the older Korean boys. I was in 5th grade. The boys? They were in 12th grade. Yeah... didn't have much of a chance of landing either of those Korean boys.
There was one Korean boy in my class. I should fully disclose that he did ask me out and I did say no. In 6th grade. Not because he was Korean, but because he wasn't my type. Like I had a type back in 6th grade. Hah.
In college? I had a little thing with a Korean-American boy, 2 classes above me. He was a man-whore promiscuous and had a thing with a few other girls. When I found out, I was crushed. Although, that didn't stop me from keep trying.
Besides sharing too much information, what's my point, right?
Long time ago, a boyfriend once told me about the theory of imprinting. I think he was reading Robert Anton Wilson at the time. The theory, as I can best explain in my layperson's words, is that even babies at a very young age have sexual thoughts. And at the very first time that sexual switch is turned on, the face that baby sees is imprinted in his/her mind. Years later, when that baby becomes an adult and sees a person whose physical attributes resemble his/her very first imprinting, he/she becomes sexually aroused without being able to explain why.
And thus that white boyfriend of mine explained his Asian women fetish. He claims that an older brother of his had a poster of a sexy Asian woman on the wall when he had his first imprinting. He is now married to a Japanese woman.
I am not discrediting his theory. On the contrary. I am wondering if there's merit to portions of that theory.
My mom had urged me to date/marry a non-Korean man or die alone. Okay, she didn't tell me to die alone but that was the gist. Whatever went wrong with her marriage, she blamed it on his Korean upbringing. She was also afraid of my stubborn streak butting heads with a Korean mother-in-law.
Well, living in Minnesota, I didn't stand a chance anyway. I could have joined a Korean church, I suppose. Ah, that stubborn streak told me that meeting a Korean man was not worth bargaining my principles for a membership at an organized religion with which I haven't felt comfortable since I was 12 years old. So I dated... white men. Having dated mostly South Asian boys and a handful of hapa or white boys back in school, I didn't think I had a type. I dated an Ethiopian-American in college... and he was my last non-white relationship.
As I immersed myself in this blogging community during a tumultuous period in my life, I discovered an imprinting that I had thought was dormant. Not the sexual/physical one. An imprinting that makes me feel more comfortable around Korean men. For the longest time, when I would see Korean or Korean-American men, I didn't even consider giving them a glance because I had assumed I was either too westernized or too Korean. Those thoughts are not just in my head. I've been told b
y a Korean man that if I weren't so "foreign-thinking" he would consider dating me. I have heard that I wouldn't be considered seriously by Korean-American men - because they assume my family is all kinds of "backwards" old country.
I am certainly not going to "racially profile" my next date. Are you kidding me? In Minnesota, that may mean waiting for a LONG time before I go on a date.
However, when I do go to local Korean restaurants, I look longingly at Korean couples who seem to fit so well together. Neither one wrinkles his or her nose at something "weird" that came to their table. They share... they eat banchan along with their rice, instead of ignoring most of them...
Truth be told, I know that a Korean man will probably find my personality off-putting. And I do feel an alien when I talk to a Korean-American man who has a hard time placing me in context; I seem "Americanized" enough yet not quite American.
I can't help wondering what my life would have been like if I had been encouraged to marry a Korean. I suppose, I would have been "allowed" to keep that stinky jar of kimchi in the fridge.
Because, after all, we ARE all about the kimchi...
-Mama Nabi
