Kimchi Mamas

Open Thread Thursday

9 more days 'til Valentines.  The never-ending winter of 2009.  The ajumma who can't pass her driver's test . . . It's Open Thread Thursday!  What's on your mind today?

--The Kimchi Mamas

Cope Deal

Recently my daughter was tested for the Gifted & Talented Program (aka Alpha Programs) at her school.  She is a very bright girl who is also motivated to do well in school.  She is curious and inquisitive and makes some of the funniest (and wittiest) comments ever known to almost 9 year-olds.  I was a little concerned about the pressure of taking this test, as it is a 2-3 day ordeal.  But she was excited at being selected and every day she came home feeling good and confident about the test.  Throughout the examination dates, and even before, I told her how proud of her I was, how the results didn’t matter – as long as she tried her best and that I loved her no matter what.

She did not get in.

While speaking with several other parents (and non-parents) about this, I was shocked to hear the same thing over and over again: call the school and make them accept her.  WHA?!

I know it was disappointing for her to not make it into the program.  I know this because when I told her, she bravely held back tears, I hugged her, told her it was okay and she burst out in big, fat, hot tears of disappointment.  It was heart breaking. (And as a mother, it killed a part of me.)

But as a responsible mother, I have to help her understand and DEAL with this result.

Let me back up: when I was a graduate student, I was an assistant.  I dealt with students every day.  College-aged students.  I got to teach/lecture, I met with students and I graded their work.  I CANNOT tell you how many times throughout the 4 semesters I did this students would come up to me and tell me I was “wrong”.   Huh?

I also worked closely with a variety of university students in a professional position at another university.  Again, I cannot tell you how many times I would have a student approach me and have almost no sense of responsibility or accountability for their actions.

Worse yet, many of these students (at both universities) were completely unable to COPE. 

Yes, cope.  You know “deal”?  Most of these students grew up with parents that intervened on their behalf when a problem came up – whether that problem was social, academic, athletic, etc.  If their child was failing a class, the parents would bully the teacher into creating extra-credit or re-evaluating their child’s work for a better grade.  If the student got into trouble for bad behaviour, it wasn't their fault it was the school's.  Huh?

And do you know what happened?  These kids grew up with a sense of entitlement.  They lack the skills to deal.  They are unable to cope with failure – because they had never truly experienced it.  And when they enter into the "real" world it is harsh . . .

So though it was hard for me to see my daughter so hurt from disappointment (she’s already had a lot of disappointment in her life), I also understand this is a life lesson* she has to learn.  Because part of life is not so much that there is disappointment, but HOW you deal with that disappointment.

Angie in Texas wasn’t in G/T in elementary school but was in the AP program in high school.

*Some of her other friends who also took the test were not accepted into the program either.  She is feeling better now that she knows she wasn’t “the only one who didn’t pass”.