I find myself in a game of chicken with my mom. A very twisted one. It's a strange situation so I thought maybe doing a Kimchi mamas post about it would clear some things up.
After living with me for about a year and a half and taking care of my first son for us, my mom moved to Boston to live with my sister. Why you ask? We fought. A LOT. And she's a little bit crazy. =) Just kidding. She's a LOT bit crazy.
Seriously speaking, she lived alone for most of her life so it was just too difficult to mesh her life with me and my husbands. The stress of it all was overwhelming and I couldn't bear it anymore. After considering her options, my mom decided to move to Boston. Why in the world she refused to move back to Korea where she lived all her life and still had lots of rental property to look over, I have no idea. She said something about "trying her best to make it in America" before she could decide to move back? I have no idea.
Anyway, since I gave birth to my second child about six months ago, my mom has called about 1/2 dozen times, just to ask about how I was doing and to check in on things. Read: To nag me about wearing long sleeves and long pants and eating well and sleeping well and resting enough, and to tell me how hard it MUST be for me without her there? It's been fine here with out you thank you very much.
So yeah, she hasn't seen the baby yet. She didn't even call on my 1st child's birthday. I didn't even call her on her birthday. She didn't call me on my birthday.
Where does the game of chicken come in? Well, I'm wondering if she's secretly wishing and waiting for me to "invite" her to come visit us.... you know, to see the baby and all? I'm wondering if she's building a case against me... letting her anger fester and fester until the day when I maybe ask her to visit and she yells at me, "How can a person not even ASK her mother to come see her CHILD and are you even human?!!!" And of course, with her pride, she would never ask ME if she could come visit. When she was living with me, she actually got really very angry that I did not even offer to pay for her ticket to Korea when she had to visit to take care of some business. Here she was, SLAVING away for me and am I not even decent enough to pay for her plane ticket and by the way I told your MIL all about it and she agrees with me that you have no manners and are selfish.
SERIOUSLY!
So here I am. Not really wanting her to come visit but thinking that she probably should see him sooner or later... And of course, MY pride is getting in the way of just inviting her too. But more than my pride, I just don't really want to see her. I also don't feel that it's necessary for my kids to see her or for her to see my kids. As a matter of fact, I don't really see why a close relationship is necessary. (Quick history: my parents divorced when I was about 5 and I haven't lived with my mom since then except for a brief stint in Korea around 2001 when I was teaching English and I lived with her.) So yeah, not much history or bond to build upon.
Anyway, I can totally see how some people would think that I'm being a super duper bad daughter but yet, here I am... pretty indifferent and at the same time content about the way things are with no active plans to have her come visit anytime soon.
I guess I won't flat out say no if she does ever ask if she can visit. I'll just say my husband doesn't want her to visit. JUST KIDDING. I'd probably just say sure fine... but not for an extended period of time. Less than a week preferably... please?
- Mary
