I've always had an inkling that our Korean parents' generation suffered from post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. (I'm in my mid thirties.) I think that would explain some of the dysfunction that I see in that generation. (I'm thinking, those who were born before, during, and after the Korean War.)
A traumatic event (albeit a very long event) in childhood coupled with having no father (many many Korean men died) coupled with societal taboo against mental illness coupled with general non-communication about one's feelings coupled with rampant addiction to alcohol did not make for good mental/emotional health.
Of course, there is the typical generation gap things and the cultural (Korean vs American) differences but I feel like there is something more... some things that just cannot be "explained" by generational or cultural differences.
I am just beginning to understand this in my own family. My dad was born right before the war and had to walk in the snow to flee with the family. He never knew his father since he died during the war. I think my dad was like 4 or 5 when the war broke out? My grandmother lost the "love of her life" and didn't even know if he was dead or alive actually. She had to feed six children by herself, after my grandfather's brother supposedly stole my grandfather's land and business during the chaos. My oldest aunt was probably denied an education, as was my mother. My oldest uncle was the only one that my family invested in but he became a priest (only to marry a Sunday school teacher a few years into his priesthood, thus giving it up). Not sure how much, if at all, he supported the family after he got married.
I mean, how could my dad NOT suffer from PTSD or some kind of mental distress? My husband's side of the story is even more traumatic and tragic. In a way, our parents generation (or at least a lot of the men) are self-medicating themselves with alcohol. Many of them, are still so hurt by the events, that they can't even bring themselves to talk about it. Some of the left the country all together, never to look back.
So, what's my point? Well, I guess I'm writing this mostly for myself but... my point (to myself) is cut them some slack. They are doing the best that they can. They did the best that they could. I don't know what it's really like to be in their shoes. There was no such thing as mental health support in their time. The only thing that was close to it was probably a pastor, priest, nun, or sa-mo-nim (pastor's wife). They probably just told them to pray about it, no real useful tools to understand their anxiety, depression, trauma, emotional problems or deal with their pain.
Anyway, this ends my public service announcement for today. This is kind of a lame post. Sorry.
- Mary
