Kimchi Mamas

Intimate Partner Violence

Today I attended a conference about intimate partner violence (IPV), or domestic violence (DV). It was the 10th anniversary celebration of some sorts. I don't work directly in the field but my work partners with the folks who do the work.

Why am I writing this post on the Kimchi Mamas blog? First because it's near and dear to my heart and second because Korean women (and their children, wives of Korean men, women of all color, and even some men) continue to be victims of intimate partner violence. I want to do my part to help it stop.

I learned today that IPV is complicated. I knew that but I think I still had some amount of judgement deep within me. It really is not as simple as "Why don't you just leave?"

The facts are that most women do end abusive relationships. It takes an average of 5 - 7 years and many attempts before she leaves, but still, she does leave. These women are resilient and should be commended for their resiliency.

I also learned that children who witness domestic violence can be scarred for life. I mean, I kind of knew that from personal experience. The worst thing that my dad did was get a knife from the kitchen and threaten to kill my mom and us. I think I partially blocked this from memory but I remember that knife vividly. I was very young. What I didn't know is that children's brain development can actually be affected by witnessing IPV and that they can get post traumatic stress disorder as well. And most of us probably also know that there is a cycle of violence. Children from violent homes grow up to either become abusers or victims themselves. 

At the conference today, one of the speakers shared a training video that all police officers have to watch. They were pictures and voice recordings of actual victims. As soon as they started playing the 911 calls from children, I had to leave the room because I could not control my emotions. As a mom, it just hit a nerve that never was there before.

Kimchi Mamas cook with Kimchi Chronicles

In the interest of full disclosure, after our review of the Kimchi Chronicles TV series in June, Kimchi Mamas bloggers were offered free copies of the Kimchi Chronicles Cookbook by Marja Vongerichten.  Below are reviews from Jomama and Shinyung:

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I was delighted to open up the Kimchi Chronicles by Marja Vongerichten.  The book is heftier than my other 2 Korean cookbooks, and has my favorite features of both.  LOTS of pictures of the finished dishes, and even a couple of before and after.  She also tells stories throughout, beginning with her personal adoption story, and explanations of the context of the dishes and her family life featuring her chef husband and radiant daughter.  Oh, and neighbor Hugh Jackman makes an appearance and a few mentions too!  Even if you had no interest in cooking at all, anyone interested in Korean culture, or adoption, or family life, would enjoy this book for all the narration throughout.

But if you didn't want to cook, or eat, then you'd be missing out.  This is a great collection of recipes!  From traditional Korean dishes, to adapted American style classics.  (Why had I never thought to put kimchi on a hot dog?  I love sauerkraut!  Oooh, I just invented a new recipe: kimchi reuben--thanks for the inspiration, Marja!)  I did find the American cheese a little odd in kimbap, but I can see it in soups as she suggests.

Thanks to all the extra information in each chapter, and every recipe, I learned a lot about Korean culture and cuisine that I never knew.  As a Korean adoptee myself (but without the successful birth mother reunion, chef husband, and movie-star neighbor--other than those little details, we're just the same!), I appreciated her "outsider's" consideration in providing so much background information for those of us who did not grow up in Korean kitchens.  I love that she included recipes for even simple things like sesame oil + salt + pepper.  A native Korean would probably never think of providing that, but I found it very valuable.  I've had this sauce, but wasn't sure what was in it.

Open Thread Thursday

Haven't done one of these in a while.

Me and the hubs are HOOKED on Kimchi Chronicles (if you are in the Bay Area, it's on KQED or PBS or one of those public channels). We wish it was an hour long show. After the most recent episode, I just HAD to make kimchi bokeum bap to satisfy my craving.

It's Open Thread Thursday, what's on YOUR mind today?

- Mary

Romi Haan of Haan Corporation Speaks at APEC Women & The Economy Summit

Recently, I attended the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation's Women & the Economy Summit in San Francisco.  One of the most impressive stories I heard was that of Romi Haan, a South Korean business leader and entrepreneur. It was wonderful to see a Korean woman sharing the world stage with business leaders from around the world. This is an excerpt of what I learned at the conference. ~Glennia

Romi Haan was a housewife in South Korea with a problem: how to keep the floors clean without spending hours a day doing it.  Because of the ondol tradition of heating homes through the floor, Koreans spend a great deal of time at home in a central room, on the floor.  As Romi says, "Koreans live on the floor. We sleep on the floor. We eat on the floor. We sit on the floor. We play on the floor." 

Keeping the floor clean is serious business for Korean women, and means daily washings, down on their hands and knees.  Romi wanted to free herself of this daily chore, or make it a little easier for herself and her friends.  So, she imagined a steam cleaner to do just that: clean the floor with less effort and cut the time spent on washing the floor in half. It was a way to get women up off the floor and out into the world.

When Romi approached a bank about a government loan program to get her product made, the bank officer asked her, "What company did your husband bankrupt that makes you now have to work?  Are you doing this for him?"

When she told him that her husband was not the reason she wanted to go into business, he didn't believe her. Her application was denied. Romi didn't take no for an answer, and persisted with her dream. She mortgaged her home and quit her job to pursue her invention.  She was able to get her business up and running in three years, but faced other hurdles. 

When Romi tried to market and distribute her product, she was met with skepticism and disdain by male buyers for department stores. She would go in to talk to them, and they would ask her, "Why do you need a steam cleaner when you have a vacuum cleaner?"

She explained that a vacuum cleaner would sweep the floor, but her cleaner would mop it. After an hour-long discussion the buyer would ask again, "Why do you need a steam cleaner when you have a vacuum cleaner?"

Ten years later, Romi Haan is now the CEO of a multinational, multimillion dollar appliance and beauty products company, Haan Corporation. She is one of the few female CEOs in South Korea, and her business is thriving. She represents a new breed of Korean women executives and a model of successful entrepreneurship. Her story is not atypical of the challenges that women face in the global economy, but her success is unfortunately too rare.

The APEC Women & the Economy Summit brought together women leaders, government officials, diplomats, and corporate innovators to discuss actions to improve the lives of women in the Asia-Pacific region, and by doing so, the world's economy. Recognizing that women are a vast, largely untapped resource for change and growth, the group spent a week in San Francisco working on plans for change.  This was one of several meetings around the Pacific Rim leading up to the APEC Summit in Hawaii in November, which President Obama will attend.
 
I was not able to stay very long at the Summit, but I was able to attend the Plenary Session in which Romi Haan appeared on a panel moderated by Tina Brown of The Daily Beast and Newsweek.  Also on the panel were Cherie Blair, wife of former British Prime Minister Tony Blair and founder of the Cherie Blair Foundation for Women; Susan Fleishman, Executive Vice President of Commincations for Warner Brothers Entertainment; Blanca Trevino, CEO of Softtek, a global Information Technololgy company based in Mexico; and Ilene Lang, President & CEO of Catalyst, a research and advisory firm that specializes in promoting women in business.

What's the "right" way to ask about your children's ethnicity or race?

I really enjoyed reading everyone's comments on my last post about ethnicity/race here... but now I am curious...

What is the "right" way to ask questions about a bi-racial/multi-racial (or not-so-obvious ethnicity/race) child's ethnicity/race? Especially if the child is only with one parent and it's not obvious, or if the child is adopted from a ethnicity/race not the same as both or either parent. Or is it even Kosher or PC, to ask about ethnicity/race anymore?

Some of the wrong ways might be:

Is your child adopted?

Is your wife/husband Oriental?

Is that your friend's son/daughter?

Are you the nanny?

Is he/she from China?

Where is your family from?

If you are the parent of a multi-racial or biracial child, how would you prefered to be asked about your child(ren)'s race, if at all?

 

- Mary

What to do?

I have a decision to make and I need your help. Because of circumstances beyond my control, I may need/want to drive down to LA with my two boys (2 and almost five) from the Bay Area. It's just for the weekend but I'd be going down by myself sans the hubby. I'd be driving by myself and then taking care of the kids all weekend mostly by myself. BY MYSELF. (As Aiden the two year old would say, "I DO IT! I DO MOMMY!")

It will be at least six hours. Probably driving down on Friday and coming back up on Sunday. (Not in the immediate future, in October.)

How is your relationship with you parents?

As a 1.5 generation Korean woman, I am finding my relationship with my parents rather superficial. I'm kind of estranged from my mother at the moment, and my father lives about 300 miles away and I barely see him once a year. I find myself wondering, what is a "normal" Korean child-to-parent relationship when the children are all grown up?

From what I see, I see either super codependent Korean children who seek their parents approval of everything, even their choice in career and spouse, or I see super independent offspring who don't give a shit what their parents say. I'm kind of the latter, if you couldn't tell already. I mean, I don't really not give a shit... I want them to be proud of me, of course, but I don't consult my parents advice about what to do about X, or how I should handle Y. Maybe that's what they WANT me to do, and since I don't do it... that's the cause of our "bad" relationship?

Book Review - To Be Sung Underwater by Tom McNeal

Disclaimer: I got a free copy of this book to review.

I recently finished reading To Be Sung Underwater by Tom McNeal. The book tells the story of Judith Whitman, a film editor who lives a posh life in Los Angeles but has may doubts about her life. Doubts about her relationship with her husband, doubts about her abilities as a mother, and doubts about her first love whom she left behind in Nebraska when she got accepted into Stanford.

The book is beautifully written but I found Judith to be unlikeable. I found her to be vain, selfish, and self-centered, not really giving a sh*t about her daughter or her husband and shrugging off her responsibilities to go off to meet her long lost love. Her husband seemed like a prick, and her daughter seemed spoiled.