How is your relationship with you parents?

As a 1.5 generation Korean woman, I am finding my relationship with my parents rather superficial. I'm kind of estranged from my mother at the moment, and my father lives about 300 miles away and I barely see him once a year. I find myself wondering, what is a "normal" Korean child-to-parent relationship when the children are all grown up?

From what I see, I see either super codependent Korean children who seek their parents approval of everything, even their choice in career and spouse, or I see super independent offspring who don't give a shit what their parents say. I'm kind of the latter, if you couldn't tell already. I mean, I don't really not give a shit... I want them to be proud of me, of course, but I don't consult my parents advice about what to do about X, or how I should handle Y. Maybe that's what they WANT me to do, and since I don't do it... that's the cause of our "bad" relationship?

I wouldn't say it's necessarily bad. We just have a shallow one. I call occasionally, VERY occasionally, to see how they are doing. I hear bits of the latest drama from my aunts or cousins. I've long since learned that I cannot tell them what to do about their life or give unsolicited advice. It is never taken in the right way. I don't know exactly how I got here. But here I am.

So readers, what kind of relationship do you have with your parents? Did having kids change that relationship? I see it potentially could have for me, if I lived near my dad. And with my mom, she came to live with me and that made our relationship a LOT worse. So, do any of you have a good, close relationship with your parents? Please do share. What makes your relationship work?

 

- Mary