I have been looking for some sense of myself from my outer world. Everyone that I love was supposed to show me that I am something special.
The pain of abandonment that I experienced as a child and the harsh upbringing by my adoptive parents gave me many gifts, like creativity, and passion for children, and even life, but it also left me with a strong fear of pain.
I realize today that my running away from it, the fear of pain itself, has been the greatest source of pain in my life. It has caused me to, at times, expect people who care about me to show me my worth. When they failed, I was devastated. When others didn't appear to care, I then interpreted that to mean that I was meaningless.
There is nobody to blame for anything that happens in my life but myself. I have arrived at my present moment by my own past actions and the choices that I have made.
As of this moment, I am done running away. I stand firm and ready to face whatever comes my way.
I am free!
- Nancy
