Kimchi Mamas

Speaking Up

It happened in a swanky Bay Area hotel. We had finished a long day and had gotten together to debrief and socialize before all heading back to our homes throughout the Bay Area and beyond. It was a work event.

Everyone was enjoying finger foods and drinks and making small talk. We talked about the weather. Because that's what you do. And that's when one of my colleagues (an older White man) casually made a joke about how someone's wife was so cheap that she won't turn on the heater until it's below 40 degrees. He said something about her being Asian and implied that her cheapness was due to her Asian-ness.

I was so shocked. I couldn't believe my ears. The anger welled up from inside me.

I looked at him directly and spat out the words. "She did that because she's cheap! Not because she's Asian!"

I turned to the Southasian American woman colleague, let's call her Priya, sitting next to me and asked, "Did he just really say that?" She replied, "I know. That's so R word." I said, "Yeah, that's hella racist! I can't believe he just said that." Priya agreed, "I can't believe he said that either. I am shocked."

He went on chatting with other colleagues close to him, not acknowledging my comment or apologizing. The moment was over.

Except I kept thinking about it. I couldn't let it go. I told my husband about it. We talked about it at the dinner table. I told my friends. I posted about it on Facebook. I even told some of my coworkers. Someone said I should report him to HR. I looked up the compliance hotline number. I didn't make the call. He was going to retire soon anyway, I won't have to work with him much longer.

Fast forward a couple months.

I had a final meeting with this group of colleagues and the perp happened to not be on the call. As we concluded the call, I felt like I should say something. If there was a perfect time to bring this up, it was now. I hesitantly said something like, "I'm not sure if this is the right place and time to bring this up but, well, I am doing it, and um.. well, at the meeting we had after the event, Paul (that's not his real name) made a joke that made me uncomfortable... and I'm not sure if any of you remember and some of you were gone already so you weren't there when it happened but I thought it was inappropriate and I've been thinking about it a lot. He made a joke..."

I told them what he said.

Priya chimed in, "I remember it and I've been thinking about it too! He was talking about so-and-so's wife!" It was even worse than I had remembered it. Apparently, he was talking about a coworker's wife!

We talked about what had happened and how inappropriate it was. How insensitive. He should not be making jokes like that. They acknowledged the difficulty in talking about things like this and thanked me profusely for bring it up. For saying something. They said that they were so sorry that this had happened. They affirmed my feelings. He had told borderline jokes before and needed to be aware of the impact of that kind of behavior. Know that it was not okay.

They asked if it would be alright with me if one or two of them had a little chat with him. They wouldn't mention my name, of course. I said that that was fine.

I got off the call feeling so supported and affirmed. They had responded with such kindness. They took my concern seriously and agreed that it was not right. A small part of me had been scared that they would dismiss my concern. It's because he's so old, they might say. Or he's retiring soon. Or the worst, "That's just the way he is." But they didn't. They applauded my courage in bringing this to their attention and assured me that they would address it. What he said was not okay. They were not okay with it.

I am in the middle of reading How to Be an Antiracist by Dr. Ibram Kendi and I think I was putting what I learned from the book into action. I was trying my best to be antiracist. I raised my voice instead of being silent about a racist behavior in the workplace.

Although it was scary, I was so proud of myself for speaking up.

Afterwards, I felt free. I could finally let it go.

- Mary

(Cross posted on my personal blog here.)

No, Virginia...

 

Small children, please step away from the screen now.

 

For someone who swore she would never lie to her kids, I sure do lie to them a lot.

Ground Control to Major Tom

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, of all places, about miscommunication and its affect on, well, EVERYTHING. Family get-togethers that include my husband AND mema usually have something along this line happen: mema says something (anything), husband says “oh, but that's not actually correct, it's this...”, mema doesn't understand the correction only that she's being corrected and she considers the gauntlet thrown and she will not be defeated, husband didn't intend this reaction (debatable, if you ask me), but he will not be defeated either, so they continue back and forth. Really, you guys? Husband – she has no idea what you're talking about & you're fully aware of that, doesn't that mean, on some level, you already won? Just shut up & celebrate in silence. Mema – you have no idea what he's talking about, so why are you arguing an argument for which you have no basis to argue? Just ignore him entirely, go poke the baby & enjoy at least ONE moment in life.

Do you sign?

How many of you are multi-lingual? Do any of you know a sign language? What about Korean Sign Language (KSL)? I actually just discovered that there was a KSL about 3 days ago. This semester, I… lucked into taking American Sign Language (ASL). I am a little ashamed to admit that the idea that a KSL existed didn’t even dawn on me until after my Monday night class. For me, ASL has been a life changing experience. I had no idea. Really, I just had NO idea.

Turn that frown upside down!

Apparently, many South Koreans are taking that to... the knife.  Smile surgeries, such as the Smile-Lipt, are one of the latest fads in Seoul surgery.  For a mere $2,000, you, too, can smile forever. 

I always wanted to look more Korean (I live in Alaska, most people think I'm Alaska Native), but it seems that Koreans want to look less Korean?  Eyelid surgery was always known to us; Mema had double eyelid surgery.  Make-up tattoos have been known of for a while; Mema said she wanted to "always wake up looking beautiful". These were things known, but never spoken of.  Double eyelid surgery is, allegedly, so commonplace now that they don't even refer to it as surgery anymore.  And it's not just for women!  South Korea has the HIGHEST number of plastic surgeries per capita.  There's even one of those tumblr pages dedicated to it.  Is K-pop to blame?

Book Club Discussion Post: "Honolulu"

Hey Book Clubbers!   Welcome to the discussion thread for "Honolulu." 

Please submit answers to any or all of the following discussion topics in a comment below:

1. Initial impressions of the author's overall writing chops, style, theme.
2. How have Americans’ attitudes toward immigrants changed - or not changed - since the 1900s? 
3. How accurate is Alan Brennert's (a white American man) depictions of Korean women and/or the immigrant experience compared to your experiences?
4. Place yourself in the world of "Honolulu."  Who do you think you could have been, knowing your character?  A ki-saeng?  An enterprising innkeeper?
5. Grade the book on an A-F scale

I will gather answers into a group book review, and will post the next selection next week!

Aloha!
--Julie 

Kimchi Mama Honor Roll: Stella Choe

If you are Asian American, you probably have seen the following video, maybe even on this very site!  But just in case you have been hiding under some rocks lately, here it is in all its glory:

The hilarious star of this video is Stella Choe: dancer, choreographer, and actress.  As luck would have it, Stella and Kimchi Mama Julie have a mutual friend, and so we were able to ask her a few questions!

Kimchi Mamas: Please tell us about your acting/career background and current projects.

Stella Choe: I started dancing when I was 6 and knew by 10 that I wanted to be a dancer.  I started doing dance jobs when I was 16, and then after high school, went on to a dance scholarship program at the EDGE Performing Arts Center which trains you for a dance career.   I finished college and persued dancing, and have done some fun jobs.  

I toured with Paul McCartney in 2002 to 2003, I have been in episodes for Scrubs, Two and a Half Men, I am one of the cheerleaders in the film "The Replacements" (funny side note: my credit was as the "Asian" cheerleader.  HAHA!) I have been an assistant and associate choreographer for films that include "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," "A Cinderella Story" and "Gangster Squad."  Being a dancer in LA exposes you to the film and TV world and I started acting, but mainly for commercials.

KM: Wow, you danced for a Beatle and choreographed for Brad Pitt!  Amazing!  So how did you join this project?  Were you familiar with Ken Tanaka and his work?

SC: I am friends with David Ury, the co-writer of the sketch.  We were at a party together and the "What kind of Asian are you?" question came up in a conversation with some guy.  It was pretty innocent, but anyway, David and I started talking about it and he came up with the idea of turning the tables.  David and Ken then co-wrote the sketch.  Oddly enough, just before that party David and I had talked about doing a video for my reel to help me get new theatrical representation for tv and film, so the timing was perfect.

I am also familiar with Ken and am a fan of his videos and his picture book Everybody Dies.  

This was something new for him to put up on his channel.  None of us thought the reaction would be what it has been!  

KM: During your Britishisms part, how much was scripted and how much was ad-libbed?  Either way, is there more footage out there?  Can we see it?  :)

SC: There was definitely a script we worked with, but as we shot I had some room to play.  It was a collaborative effort, with the creative crew shouting out things at one point and me attempting to list as many british things I knew, and having fun with the physicality of it.  There's an outtake reel that was published a few days ago, and you can get a sense of the silliness of it all! 

The other actor, Scott Beehner, and I just shot a new video today with us reading some of the Youtube comments from the original video that are hysterical and ridiculous in and of themselves. It's a quick montage of "zingers" which should be posted soon.

KM: Can't wait for that!  And it actually brings me to my last questions: were you raised by a Kimchi Mama?  If so, how did she react to your interest in the arts?  And has she seen the video?

SC: I was indeed raised by a Kimchi Mama!!!!!  The best! My parents immigrated here in 1969 and my 2 other sisters and I were born and raised here in LA.  My mom encouraged us to assimilate and be American.  I think it was a tricky balance for her to try to keep Korean traditions alive in our upbringing while trying to raise us in Manhattan Beach (a very white beach community).  

I have to say I was pretty lucky in the support department.  I think my mom was worried about me pursuing a career she didn't really understand, but I did well in school and after college I was like, "I'm freeeee!!!" and I got a waitressing job.  Even now, I don't think she gets how I support myself, but she's always excited to hear if I get a job and have food to eat.  She saw the video and thinks I look crazy and am acting crazy.  Ah, you gotta love a Kimchi Mama.  

Thanks so much to Stella for taking the time to talk to us!  Also, please check out Stella and David Ury in their interview with the Huffington Post, where they provide even more background as to the inspiration for the video:

Mad props to Chae for the hook-up!

A Holocaust Ignored

I feel nauseated!  I have never before in my life read something that gave me a physical reaction like this. I have the physical urge to throw up! I don’t even know where to begin. I’m going to try... Osaka Mayor Toru Hashimoto, who otherwise looks to be a human, said that the rape of women (comfort woman) was ok because it relaxed their rapists (Japanese soldiers).

Comfort women were NOT prostitutes! They were set up to be raped by Japanese soldiers by the Japanese government.  

Comfort women were kept in small cubicles that resembled micro-sized portapotties.  They were forced to stay in these cells without being let out except every couple of weeks to wash themselves. These enclosures had chamber pots within them.  Every fifteen minutes a Japanese soldier would enter and rape the woman inside the cubicle, and if the woman in anyway rebelled, she was pulled out, put to death and left where other women could see her as a warning.  The soldiers gunned down lines of women if they caught STDs, instead of treating them. The women were treated as less than human all those years ago, and now Hashimoto dehumanizes them again.

What if a German politician came out and said that some part of the Holocaust was necessary? What if he said that the victims of the holocaust deserved kind words, but that killing them, torturing them, using them as slaves made the German soldiers relax, made them feel good because they were at war, and provided needed relief?  How would the world react to that statement?  How would the victims of holocaust feel?  Is there inherently some difference between how the world views the victims of one country-wide tragedy to another? I wonder why one article on the BBC website is all the press this has received, and I wonder how different it might be if it were about another set of victims. 

I cannot understand where Hashimoto is coming from but you can read it for yourself here:

“Japan WWII ‘comfort woman’ were ‘necessary’ - Hashimoto

- Nancy

Spicy! Seeking Asian Female

Have you read this review of the documentary Seeking Asian Female?  What are your thoughts?  I have a non-Asian male acquaintance who has a definitive "type" of woman - tiny, feisty, hardworking, future-baby/homemaking Filpina; but he's also the uber-geeky American guy who long-distance "dates" women in other countries, making the occasional trip east when funds allow.

 

Seeking Asian Female, by Debbie Lum

 

I found the story kind of fascinating - I, too, cringed, but still, I couldn't stop reading.  Would you, like Sandy, stay so you wouldn't lose face upon finding that your knight in shining armor was not so shiny?  Does it matter how they start if they fall in love with each other in the end?

Netflix doesn't have the Debbie Lum's documentary quite yet, but I've saved it to my queue... now, will I actually watch this when it arrives in mailbox?

--Rikki

A Culinary Tour of Koreatown with Anthony Bourdain and a Couple Bros

Episode Two of "Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown," a new show on CNN that promises to "take you to exotic global destinations through Bourdain's unique lens," featured Los Angeles' Koreatown last week:

 

Anthony hung out with two famous Korean American "bad boys": Roy Choi of Kogi foodtruck fame and David Choe, street artist and newly-minted multimillionaire.  Roy and David took Anthony on a culinary tour of K-town, including surprising stops at Sizzler and Jollibee, as well as profiling their families' compelling stories.  Roy even gave an excellent breakdown of the 1992 LA Riots from the Korean community's point of view, a viewpoint that is not often explained so poignantly on mainstream media.

I really enjoyed the show, being a fan of all three gentlemen, and feeling more and more proud as they introduced Anthony to each new beloved haunt: the glories of Beverly Soon Tofu, the rohsu gui at Dong Il Jang, and this amazing-looking dumpling place called Myung In Dumplings which I now have made my life's goal to find and set up camp in.  The Koreatown they showed him was sexy, delicious, laid-back, and rife with gorgeous examples of the ever-fabled melting pot.  

One stick in my craw was the lack of a strong female Korean American voice.  David Choe's mom was featured quite heavily, which I appreciated, but if he's looking for "bad Koreans," he would have benefitted from getting to know some Korean renegade riot girls too!  I personally would have loved to have taken Anthony around Galleria market, fed him gamja tang, haemul jungol, and soondae, and drink him under the table at the noraebang!  Maybe next time, bro!

--Julie