Kimchi Mamas

For your consideration

 

 

A dear friend of mine picked up my book on parenting recently and said, “you know this is going to help a lot of people, you really should get it out there and let people know it exists.”

 

 

My book, “Teach Them How To Fish”, is an academic coaching guide for parents.  It is a look at what really helps a child be successful in the most organic and natural way possible.  It addresses the question, “how  can we parents provide the right soil for our children to grow and be nurtured in so that they can rise to the occasion of their own lives in a way that is fulfilling for them?”

It is about doing everything that we can to provide a solid foundation for our children, looking at our own selves to teach by example how to be successful.

I wrote this book after my son successfully entered UC Berkeley School of Law at age 19, which was his goal; I recalled the coaching methods that I utilized to guide him.  I also used the same method to help improve the academic standings of other students and clients of mine.

My book is available at my website Teachthemhowtofish.com.

 - Nancy

His own purple trail

 

 

Did I ever tell you what a wonderful hapa-child I have?

When he was three years old his favorite color was purple.  He loved purple because it was the color associated with Donatello, his favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.  He declared that his first car would be purple.  When I said, “Well, you might change your mind about that,” he began to cry, and I learned that he was a sensitive soul.

When we bought him a bike, we knew that we had to find a purple one, and finally did at a garage sale.  It was purple and in fantastic condition, but it also happened to be a girl’s bike.  The very next day he proudly walked out to the courtyard full of boys who were mostly older and larger than he was.  I nervously listened from my kitchen, fearing the reaction that he might get and how he might feel afterwards.

Sure enough, the boys all yelled, “Hey that is a girl’s bike!”  The next few minutes of silence lasted almost too long for me, but it was broken when I heard the indignant little voice of my son:

   Dash:   Am I a boy or a girl?

    The boys:   A boy.

    Dash:  Whose bike is this?

    The boys:  Yours.

    Dash:  This is my bike?

    The boys:  Yes!

    Dash:   And I’m a boy?

    The boys:  Yes.

    Dash:  Then this is a boy’s bike.

    The boys:   Oh.  Well alright.

I quietly held up my fist and shook it in the air, the proudest I could imagine of my little three year old!  The boys never mentioned it again.

Later he entered UC Berkeley School of Law at nineteen years of age, and was one of the youngest students in the fiercely competitive environment.  As a kid who grew up playing and listening to punk rock music, his style was heavily affected by this, and in spite of the formal attire of most of his peers, my son dressed to fit his “punk” roots with skinny jeans and graphic t’s..  One of the older students took a photo of him wearing a pink t-shirt and his tight black pants, in pretense of liking it, and then sharing it around the campus, causing my son to become butt of many jokes. 

He decided to wear that shirt every day for months (washing it, of course) in response to their antics and would not back down.  I urged him to stop wearing that shirt but to no avail.  It broke my heart to know what was happening to him but looking back now, I am impressed with his fearlessness.  He almost quit the school, but finished the grueling three years of law school with those same bullies graduating around him.  In his tradition, after successfully graduating with his law degree, he refused to practice law, pursuing instead comedic acting, writing, stand up, and producing. 

The photo above is of him playing a character from an upcoming web film project of his that he is writing/producing/directing, a project that combines his love for superheroes and passion for creating his own path: his own purple trail.

- Nancy

Kimchi Mama Shares Her "KoreanAmericanStory"

Our own Shinyung Oh shares her story on MyKoreanAmericanStory.Org.  Here's the link: Shinyung. 

We are truly lucky to have her here with us!

THANK YOU Shinyung for sharing your stories with us!

 

 

 

 

First day of school

I still remember my first day of school in Korea. We lined up in perfect rows in the main field. We extended our arms in front of us, parallel to the ground and pointed at the shoulders of the person in front of us to make those perfect rows. I had my name written on a white hankerchief which was pinned to my jacket. It was March, and still quite chilly. My father must have walked me to the school but I can't remember. I don't remember much else besides those white hankies and those perfect rows of children in that large field.

We took our son Christian for his first day of kindergarten this past Monday. The parents swarmed with their little ones in the little playground next to the classroom (the teacher didn't open the door until the bell rang). The teacher handed each child a name tag necklace as they walked in. The parents lingered for a bit, straining their necks to look inside the windows. I waved good-bye as I caught Christian's eye. He waved back. I walked to my car to get to work.

Anyone else start kindergarten this year?

- Mary didn't know that kindergarten is only 3 hours long until a few months ago.

To Specialize or Not To Specialize. That is the Question.

(Please forgive the "first-world problems" feel of this post.)

As my children have gotten older (they are now almost 10 and just a touch over 12), I have noticed a disturbing pattern that I may have been unaware in the past: specialization.

My daughter's into soccer. She plays in a youth sports group and they practice for about 1 hour once a week, play once a week and the season is only about 2 1/2 months long at a time. She plays probably 2-3 "seasons" a year. Though she is 12, most of the girls on her team are 10 and 11. They "play up". Playing up is based on the theory that if you raise the level of competition they will play to meet that challenge (or something like that).

Many of the girls on her team will probably leave in the next season or two to move into "club" soccer. Club soccer here is more . . . specialized. This is when teams practice 3-4 times a week for an hour or an hour and a half each practice and will play 2-3 games a weekend. They will also travel to surrounding areas (and in Texas that could mean 3+ hours of driving) and play in tournaments that go on for entire weekends (Saturdays and Sundays).

My son was participating in Tae Kwon Do and in tennis.  A few months ago, he had to make a very difficult choice: he had to choose.  He is 10 years old and he was being forced into specializing. As a 10 year old he would do tennis 2 times a week and then TKD 2 times a week and depending on visitation weekends, TKD sparring on Fridaysa and TKD tournament team on Saturdays or a tennis tournament. Tennis was 2 private lessons a week plus 'clinic' for a total of about 7 hours of tennis a week. This wasn't enough . . . his new schedule is tennis 4 days a week (about 10-12 hours a week) and an average of 2 tournaments a month (tournaments begin on Fridays and end on Sundays if you're playing well).

I look around and I see it amongst many of our friends: a 12 year old who plays club volleyball - tournaments are all weekend long and consist of many games per day, a 14 year old who is now home schooled so she can pratice tennis 8+ hours a day, and a 17 year old who has been taking tennis lessons for 12 years.

And this is just the sports side. I know children who practice piano 15-20 hours a week, a neighbor's child plays drums for school, church and 2 bands (he's 16) and on and on and on...

In all of these cases (and from personal experience) I have been told that kids HAVE to specialize if they want to remain competitive. Competitive for school, college, scholarships, professionally.

As parents we want what's best for our children.

We want opportunities for them that we didn't have.

We give them the best so they can be their best. 

We want them to be competive and have an edge.

To have THE edge.

 

 

But what does that mean? And at what cost?

You Know You Grew Up Korean/Korean American/Korean Candadian If . . .

The local Sunday paper had a fun article today that got me thinking about growing up Korean in the US. So I've come up with a list of "You know you grew up *Korean/Korean American/Korean Canadian if..." of my own. 

Please add your "you know . . . " in the comments.  =)

--Your mother ever gave you guilt about . . . well anything... (Bonus if she pounded her chest with a fist while doing so!)

--You had 2 fridges: one for food and another for kimchi (or else ALL your food tasted like kimchi).

--You ever had to translate a school note, explain a holiday project and/or had a hard time completing the 3rd grade family tree project because there were some family secrets/shame involved and/or there were a lot of branches on that tree with "eemo and samchun".

--Your friends NEVER spent the night.

--Roasting ghim over the flame on the stove.

--You roasted that ghim for ghimbap - which you ate on day-long, car trips, got out, took a look around, ate the ghimbap and got back in the car. You always returned the same night.

--You were a hobo, a clown or a ghost for Halloween more than once.

--You got hit on the back of the head (a lot).

--Your aunt or uncle would pass you a $5 bill and tell your parents "te-sah, te-sah." He or she was your favorite aunt or uncle.

--Your mom made you sweep the carpet, told you you would DIE if you slept with the fan on pointed in your direction and/or were told that women should never sit directly on the floor.

--Threw up from having "han yak". It was usually dark brown, liquidy and has been boiling for hours...Or your mom smeared honey on a piece of boiled ginseng - like it would make it taste better.

--"Fought" for the dinner bill or insisted on paying while out with your non-Korean friends and then was SHOCKED when they were like "ok!"

--Your dad would get drunk, sing sad Korean folksongs and reminsce about the "good times."

--Thanksgiving dinner included the turkey and mashed potatoes, but also yakimandu, kimchi and japchae.

--Your parents scheduled long distance calls to relatives in Seoul and Busan/Pusan/Busan/Pusan.

--Hotdogs have always been a part of jampong.

--You would rather go to school than be sick at home where your mom would make you clean the house.

--Dad smoked Marlboros or Camels and drank Coors light or Budweiser. Mom never smoked or drank, to your knowledge.

--You had a used station wagon or Buick.

--Going to college was NOT an option.

--There's a random collection of blue produce rubberbands in the house.

--Beef jerky was your parents' favorite American snack food.

--You couldn't have a dog (or a cat).

--Hated eating kimchi with almost every meal as a child, but craved it when you went to college.

--You've heard your mom say "why would I ___ for that? I can ___ that!"

--Two words: Korean School. After church lunch in the Fellowship Hall on Sundays.

So what's YOUR "you know if..."

Laughing about childhood because crying isn't as much fun!

--Angie in Texas

*The side note I'd like to add is that this will mostly apply to those of us who grew up Stateside in the 70's, 80's and 90's.

 

Monday laughs

This was too funny not to share:

There once was a girl named Mary. One semester in high school she got all A's. Except... one A was actually an A-. (It was probably P.E.) Mary was excited to show her report card to her dad. Her dad took one look and said, what's that? Is that a minus?

Even Glee confirmed it. An A- is the Asian F.

Happy Thanksgiving week ya'll. Don't forget kimchi with that turkey!

- Mary

Death and Literacy

I just finished reading Please Look After Mom by Shin Kyung-Sook. It's one of a few Korean books that I've read that's been translated from Korean into English. I think I've actually read more books in Korean. This one was conveniently available to me at the local library and after reading this racist review, I had to check it out for myself. I tried to get a Korean version of it in Garden Grove this past weekend but it was sold out!

The book was a quick weekend read. I did not find myself crying or feeling guilty about mistreating my mom. Rather, I found myself being drawn into the life of this woman who got lost in the city.

(spoiler alert)

Michelle Rhee - my new hero

I've only recently gotten into Oprah. I didn't want to be THAT woman so I resisted liking Oprah for many years but with the help of a DVR, it was too much to resist.

 

 

Michelle A Rhee was on Oprah the other day. She talked about some of the stuff she's been up to, like firing the principal of her kid's school. =)