Kimchi Mamas

Happy International Women's Day!

Hey Kimchi Mamas!  

Did you know that we have our own day?  Here are some tips from World Vision on how to commemorate this special day.

1. Save a woman’s life in child birth: 
Did you know that in countries like Afghanistan, Sierra Leone, and Bolivia, having a baby is one of the most dangerous things a woman can do? By helping train local midwives in remote communities, you could save a life. Visit StrongWomenStrongWorld.org to learn more.

2. Mentor a girl close to home: 
A growing poverty rate, poor-performing schools, and teen violence make it tough to be a girl growing up here in our own country. Reach out and influence the life of a young girl in your own community by volunteering as a tutor or mentor. Get connected at BBBS.org.

3. Use your voice to stop trafficking: 
Human trafficking and sexual exploitation affects girls and women in horrific ways all around the world, but the Trafficking Victims Protection Act in the US Senate can help end the practice. Contact your Senators and ask them to renew this bill to protect women and girls, both here in the US and around the world.

4. Invest in a small business owner: 
Websites like WorldVisionMicro.org or Kiva.org connect you to hardworking women entrepreneurs, waiting to realize their dream of a dressmaking business, chicken farm, or food stall that will help them provide for their family. Even better, when the loan is paid off, your donated funds are loaned out again and again to make a bigger impact.

5. Provide the ticket to education—clean water: 
One of the most common reasons girls in poor communities miss schooling is the lack of clean water in their village. Millions of girls and women spend several hours each day fetching water—often dirty and dangerous to their health—instead of attending school. Give the gift of clean water, and open the door to education for a young girl.

6. Band together with like-minded women: 
Whatever your passion for helping other women, you’ll do it better—and have more fun doing it—with other women excited about the same cause. National movements like Women of Vision can connect you to a network of resources while allowing you to grow your own local group of women who want to make the world better for girls and their mothers.

7. Tell the women in your life that you care: 
Empowering women starts right in our families, workplaces, and neighborhoods. Celebrate this International Women’s Day by writing a note of thanks to that teacher who encouraged you years ago, picking up coffee for that new mom in your office who’s struggling to balance it all, or telling your own sister, daughter, or mother how much you appreciate them.

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World Vision is a Christian humanitarian organization dedicated to working with children, families and their communities worldwide to reach their full potential by tackling the causes of poverty and injustice. World Vision serves all people, regardless of religion, race, ethnicity or gender.

 

Black Day

In Korea, Valentine's Day is celebrated a little bit different. On February 14th, the women give gifts to their significant others. Only the women do the giving on this day. March 14th, called White Day, is when men give gifts to their significant others. Leave it to the Koreans to separate everything based on gender.

And the coolest day? It's Black Day. On April 14th, those who are single get together to eat 짜장면 jajangmyeon or noodles with black bean sauce.

I kind of like this idea. Even though I'm married, I like any excuse to eat 짜장면, even though it's like 1500 calories. No wonder it tastes so good. It tastes amazing with a dash of red pepper flakes and pickled daikon with vinegar.

Random tidbit: I love this Korean song and it references 짜장면.

 

Hoping you had a good Valentine's Day.

- Mary

Intimate Partner Violence

Today I attended a conference about intimate partner violence (IPV), or domestic violence (DV). It was the 10th anniversary celebration of some sorts. I don't work directly in the field but my work partners with the folks who do the work.

Why am I writing this post on the Kimchi Mamas blog? First because it's near and dear to my heart and second because Korean women (and their children, wives of Korean men, women of all color, and even some men) continue to be victims of intimate partner violence. I want to do my part to help it stop.

I learned today that IPV is complicated. I knew that but I think I still had some amount of judgement deep within me. It really is not as simple as "Why don't you just leave?"

The facts are that most women do end abusive relationships. It takes an average of 5 - 7 years and many attempts before she leaves, but still, she does leave. These women are resilient and should be commended for their resiliency.

I also learned that children who witness domestic violence can be scarred for life. I mean, I kind of knew that from personal experience. The worst thing that my dad did was get a knife from the kitchen and threaten to kill my mom and us. I think I partially blocked this from memory but I remember that knife vividly. I was very young. What I didn't know is that children's brain development can actually be affected by witnessing IPV and that they can get post traumatic stress disorder as well. And most of us probably also know that there is a cycle of violence. Children from violent homes grow up to either become abusers or victims themselves. 

At the conference today, one of the speakers shared a training video that all police officers have to watch. They were pictures and voice recordings of actual victims. As soon as they started playing the 911 calls from children, I had to leave the room because I could not control my emotions. As a mom, it just hit a nerve that never was there before.

Kimchi Mama Honor Roll: Jennifer Yuh Nelson

This Memorial Day weekend, I, along with many other parents, took my kids to see "Kung Fu Panda 2."  It feels strange to say this, but I really enjoyed seeing what all the characters were up to, as if I were revisiting old friends.  The movie delved deeper into Po the panda's personal history, and although the expected visual and verbal gags kept the audience giggling, the film also touches on some real-life themes in surprisingly thoughtful ways: adoption, "man" vs. machine, reconciling the past with the present and future, and redemption.

As the movie ended, I was very curious to see who intertwined the childish comedy with the deeper, more sober issues with such a light, masterful touch.  And when the director's name appeared on the screen, my mouth dropped.  First of all, she was a woman.  Second of all, she could very well be Korean!

Both turned out to be true: Jennifer Yuh Nelson is the first woman to singlehandedly direct a big-budget major animated feature.  BOOYAH!!!

From this LA times article, I learned that Jennifer Yuh Nelson actually grew up in Lakewood, CA, minutes away from where I grew up, and not surprisingly, received encouragement and guidance from her own Kimchi Mama from a very young age:

As a young girl, she would sit at the kitchen table for hours and watch her mother draw, copying her every stroke. Nelson traces the lineage of her career to those formative family experiences.

I also really enjoyed reading how she learned to come into her own as a naturally soft-spoken person in a position that usually is defined by auteur angst:

"I'm a very soft-spoken person. I don't throw furniture. I don't throw tantrums," Nelson said. "As a director, your job is to protect this movie with your life. Protect it against anything that would take it off its course and turn it beige. You have to be very, very ferocious and that was the hardest part for me because I'm not used to yelling."

And perhaps the most glowing testimonial comes from the CEO of Dreamworks himself, Jeffrey Katzenberg:

"What I always find so amazing about Jennifer is that inside this beautiful, soulful, soft-spoken, elegant lady is this macho, kung fu-loving action dynamo," Katzenberg said. "It's the opposite of what we're all used to dealing with in the world, the macho exterior and marshmallow center. There is very much a cult following that she has among our artists. They all want to work with her."

Well, I'm not an artist, but definitely count me in as a cult member. I'm so inspired!  Ms. Yuh Nelson, you rock!!!

Ask A Korean (Community): What Should We Name Our Boy?

In the summer, I found out that I was unexpectedly pregnant. After the initial, "What?", we've settled into being overjoyed and excited and can't wait to meet our little baby boy due in early Spring. With our two girls, we've given them names that either reflect their unique heritage (Korean-Italian-Irish-English-German mix) or family names as a tribute to a beloved relative. This means that each of our girls has two middle names to accomodate our crazy naming criteria (but so do I and so does my husband).

We'd love to give our boy a Korean middle name, but having grown in Hawaii, being half-Korean and being a 5th generation American, I don't speak Korean. Nor was a raised with any cultural understanding of how Koreans are named. My relatives have names like Wilbert, Catherine, Esther, Miriam, Evelyn, James, and Flora—arguably traditional English names. And my family surnames are Kim and Choi. I don't want either of those to be a middle name for our boy.

I know that Korean names can be loaded with meaning. I know people might consult naming specialists to ensure the best name possible. I know Koreans give their children names of virtues they hope their children will have. I know families have a lot to say about it. That's all well and good, but not so important to me. We just want a nice name with a meaning that speaks to us.

Can you help? What are your suggestions for a boy's middle name? Do you have any favorite combinations of words? Any favorite virtuous names that won't be too much a burden for a boy to carry? Please help or else we might be naming our boy after Rain/Bi. (I don't mind the association, but my husband might!) We'll consider them all, I promise!

—Stefania Pomponi Butler

Open Thread Thursday

It's late but... It's Open Thread Thursday. What's on your mind?

Today I read this article about 20 Something Men (at church).

http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/panelists/mark_driscoll/2010/08/the_world_is_filled_with_boys_who_can_shave.html

What do you think ladies, do we agree or no?

Also a more general and academic article about the "new" 20 Somethings (including women.)
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html

- Kimchi mamas

Guest Post: Raising Your Asian American Teen

By Suzan Song

Suzan Song MD MPH is a Harvard-trained adult psychiatrist and Stanford-trained child/adolescent psychiatrist, currently working at the Asian Americans for Community Involvement mental health clinic in the Bay Area.  She is a former White House Asian Pacific Islander American Initiative fellow, and was a George Soros fellow, working with domestically abused Asian immigrant women in New York City.

* * *

May is both Asian Pacific American Heritage Month and Mental Health Month. Combining these themes into one month, let us look closer at mental health issues specific to Asian American youth and their parents.  May (and the special month festivities) are coming to an end, so now is a good time to focus on what individuals can do – specifically parents – to promote the mental health of their Asian American children.

Asian Americans are not only Asian and American.  We are a sub-culture with unique needs and experiences.  Because of this, we have some mental health needs that are different from other majority or ethnic minority groups.

My Thoughts on "The Mommy Track"

Weigook Saram gave us all a heads up about this article on Slate, "The Mommy Track Turns 21, Why it no longer deserves a bad rap from feminists" by Angie Kim.

I've never really thought about being or not being on a "Mommy Track." I've only mainly thought about the pros and cons of being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) versus working full time outside the home. I "chose" (in quotes because we need the double income to make ends meet unless we move to the outskirts and drastically change our lifestyle) to work full time because I prefer to work and pay someone else to raise my kids. JUST KIDDING. Well... only kind of?

Even if I had oodles of money, I don't think I would choose to stay home and raise my kids all on my own. I would probably still put them in some sort of daycare/preschool program. Why? Because I don't think I'm all that great at providing enough stimulation for them to learn and thrive. I can only play legos for so long until my butt gets sore and my legs fall asleep. Also, I want them to interact with other kids for a bulk of the day to help teach them social skills. But given that I don't have oodles of money, I work full time for Big Company who generously provide healthcare for my entire family and help me pay for diapers, groceries, and the mortgage. I like the intellectual stimulation that my work provides, as well as a sense of accomplishment I get when I finish a big project or see the product of my work being used in real life. I also like that I can be an employee or 8 hours a day, and not "mommy." 

Love at First Sight

Love at first sight... is what I felt the moment I laid eyes on Kim Yu-na (김연아).

 

Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images

Mesmerized was what I was... during both of her performances... I think even my 3 year old son was crushing on her.

Hands down, she was the highlight of the 2010 Winter Olympics for me. Way to go Yu-na! 

This Kimchi mama (+ the rest of the world) loves you.  

You make me a little more proud to be Korean and I sure hope that all of your endorsements (she's the highest paid in endorsements among all celebrities in South Korea) help close the largest gender income gap in the developed world.  (Thank you Hyon Bin for the heads up about the great article!)

- Mary is a little sad that the Olympics are over and still a little pissed about all of South Korea's missed metal opportunities in short track. *sigh*