Kimchi Mamas

Introducing...Kimchi Mama Rikki!

Here is the third new member of the Kimchi Mama sisterhood, Rikki from Optimistic Slacker!  Please welcome her to the fold!

Love, your Kimchi Mamas

Some nights ago, I had my first ever guided meditation session. I am not religious or deeply spiritual, just a silly girl who's a little lost & looking for direction... maybe even some solace. We had a discussion on how those who cause you pain in life may actually be Buddhas helping guide you along your spiritual path by teaching valuable lessons, like patience. Maybe the dude who cut you off in traffic this morning was actually a Buddha and he felt perfectly justified in cutting you off because he knew it could help you to be a better person. As everyone was contemplating this, all I could hear was me-ma in my head "he was justified in being an ass? I'll show him!" The closing meditation "object" was I will always cherish every living being... It was a bit surreal. Every time I made it through this thought, I'd envision me-ma slapping someone upside the head or telling them what's what. Cherish. Ha.

What's the "right" way to ask about your children's ethnicity or race?

I really enjoyed reading everyone's comments on my last post about ethnicity/race here... but now I am curious...

What is the "right" way to ask questions about a bi-racial/multi-racial (or not-so-obvious ethnicity/race) child's ethnicity/race? Especially if the child is only with one parent and it's not obvious, or if the child is adopted from a ethnicity/race not the same as both or either parent. Or is it even Kosher or PC, to ask about ethnicity/race anymore?

Some of the wrong ways might be:

Is your child adopted?

Is your wife/husband Oriental?

Is that your friend's son/daughter?

Are you the nanny?

Is he/she from China?

Where is your family from?

If you are the parent of a multi-racial or biracial child, how would you prefered to be asked about your child(ren)'s race, if at all?

 

- Mary

Korea's own word for Hapa: Honyol

I've learned a great many things living in the motherland.  Mostly by just listening and watching.  I do it a lot more here than I did back home in the states.  At home, everything is so familiar I think I just go go go.  But here, even with all the Korean drama watching, there's so much that's new and foreign.  So I like to just hang back and watch.  I watch to see how people interact, how they react and how they go about daily life because often times it's with a twist from what I expect.  At first it was easy to point and say the way we do things at home are better.  But soon I could see that the way they do things here, works here and could teach me a thing or two.

I guess you can't say I'm completely immersed and away from all things familiar here because I am here with the American military.  I have access to an Army post with all the trappings.  Several times a day, I travel between a little America and the Korea outside the barbed wired walls that surround it.  Inside, I can buy Organic Valley butter and Jet Puffed Marshmallows, and then outside I can get fifty kinds of korean yogurt drinks the kids are slowly growing addicted to.  During the day, my son attends the Department of Defense school on post along with a lot of other military and government worker children. 

We could have lived on post too, but we chose to live off post because we wanted to take advantage of living in actual Korea as much as possible.  It was more painful at first.  We had to learn to throw away our garbage properly (so complicated!) and the houses offered on base are just set up in a more familiar and therefore more cozy layout.  But, I think we've grown accustomed and we are now reaping the benefits. 

One such benefit is making friends with families who know a lot about Korea who live in our building.  It's been a little more difficult to make make actual Korean KOREAN friends, but there are a significant number of families where there is an American father and native Korean mother.  They have, who I'm used to calling, "hapa" children.  Because these hapa children have lived in Korea most, if not all, of their lives, their Korean is often fluent. If they don't attend the American school yet, it's usually better than their English skills.  I'm just so used to seeing Hapa children in America, that it's been eye opening to see them here.

After a few months, I started to pick up on a word these mothers married to non-Korean husbands would use among themselves when talking about their children or other children mixed racially like their own. They would use the word "Honyol."  It kind of shocked me at first because the only contact I'd had with the word was in the book Ten Thousand Sorrow by Elizabeth Kim.  In her story, she'd stated that it was a derogatory word to call a Korean person who was racially mixed with another ethnicity.  In other words, that it was an insult.  But here were loving mothers, standing around, using the words to refer to their bright beautiful children.  Interesting.

After listening to them for several weeks, I finally asked outright if Honyol was the word for mixed children in Korean.  They all agreed.  I told them about my word "hapa."  They said the difference is that "Honyol means always Korean mixed with something.  It's how Koreans tell that the children have Korean blood in them."  I asked them about negative connotations that went with the word.  They agreed that there were some, especially in the past.  But, that attitudes were changing and people were more accepting...that it wasn't the word, but how someone used the word to express themselves.  If someone were to spit out the word in a hateful statement during a fight with their child, then it would be used in a bad way.  But facts were facts.  Their children were mixed and there was no hiding it in such a homogeneous society.  Their children are Honyol. It is now a common word to describe their children. Korea is slowly starting to come to realize that there is not only one "kind" of people.

At first it was hard to use the word. All this time I'd thought it was a bad word, and now I was using it to describe precious children in conversation.  But the more I thought about it, the more I think those moms were right.  It's not the word.  It's how it's used.  At least that's what people have decided to do here.  Watching them talk about their children lately though, I wondered, could we use this word for our children in America?  I may not have had Honyol children myself but I expect Honyol grandchildren someday and I am hoping for Honyol nieces and/or nephews soon.  Will this word have traveled over by then? 

- jooliyah who always grew up thinking she'd marry someone to make Honyol children with, but had to abandon such thoughts when a hot Korean American swimmer dude ended up becoming her best friend.

 

Being Other; Being Whole

My daughter and I were at Chicago's Field Museum for a kid's theater show, and we happened to pass by this photo exhibit of portraits of people who are part Asian.  It's a selection of images from Kip Fullbeck's Hapa Project.  He also has a book titled the same as the exhibit.

It was interesting to see so many different faces who are all part Asian and to read the descriptions of how people define themselves personally.  My daughter was too hungry for lunch to take the time to look at each photo, but I did wonder how much she has considered being "other."  As far as I know, she is the only mixed race child in her class, and she knows that Mommy is Korean, and Daddy is not, and she is both.  

I doubt she's given it much thought, and I'm not sure what guidance I can provide in encouraging her to reflect on her identity as she grows older.  I hope our postmodern sensibilities will allow us to embrace the complexity and seeming contradiction of having a racial makeup of certain proportions that do not equate to how one actually identifies oneself.  I don't know how my daughter will take her "half Korean-ness" and "half Caucasian-ness" and integrate them into an identity that is holistic and truly her own self; I just hope I can be the support she needs on that journey.

~ Sarah-Ji

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In addition to the Hapa Project, Kip Fullbeck has a newer project called MIXED which features portraits of mixed race children and is also out in book form.

To see if there is an exhibit of either project near you, click here.

Musings On Race: How Far We've Come

In light of yesterday’s beer-fest hosted by President Obama to quell racial tensions around the recent arrest of Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr., I have found my thoughts turning, once again, to race, ethnicity, and identity. This morning I listened to a call-in show on my San Francisco NPR station wherein this topic was addressed. Specifically, listeners were invited to share their thoughts on the Gates arrest and its aftermath, which President Obama says is a "teachable moment" on race in America. One caller on the show observed that her young child seemed to have no concept of race – that she had school friends of all colors, and based her decision on whether or not to befriend someone on their behavior and character, and not on their skin color.

Korean-American Identity Redux

I haven’t been feeling very Korean lately. Well, let me clarify: I haven’t had time to give much thought to “being Korean,” engaging in Korean cultural activities, observing Korean holidays or traditions, or hanging out with Korean people. Other than my mom, that is.

With some regret, I have been too busy these past few months to participate in the Kimchi Mamas community – and have been remiss in writing posts, commenting, or even reading. When Kimchi Mamas first started, I was waaaay into the concept. I felt I had found my tribe – at last – for the first time ever, and hungrily ate up every word that was posted, read every comment on the blog, and found myself deeply engaged in every debate and dialogue that came up. It was a new thing for me, after all: hanging with a group of smart Korean American women, many of whom had similar cultural experiences to mine.

Then I got busy. I changed jobs in Sept. ’07 and this new one was so demanding that I no longer had time to breathe, let alone blog, any longer. And that’s how it’s been for the past year and four months. Until last Friday, when I quit my job, and now join the ranks of the unemployed. I know it’s probably the worst time in more than a decade to be unemployed, but I felt compelled to “choose life” over the soul-crushing assignment that I had endured for more than a year. The job was causing so much stress that I was neglecting my child, my husband, and my self. It was no good for anybody, and I am pleased with my decision.

When I go back to read some of my old posts on KM – many of which deal with issues of Asian-American (and hapa) identity, I realize how much I’ve changed, and possibly evolved. No longer do I pine for acceptance as a “real Korean” by the community of Korean-born people whom I sometimes encounter. No longer do I feel desperately afraid that, once Halmoni dies, my hapa (quarter Korean) daughter will no longer have a connection to “the old country.” I no longer wish to be 100% Korean, or wish I were born there, so that Koreans will consider me to be authentic.

The fact is, I have come to be quite happy with who I am -- a hapa Korean-American woman -- and know that nothing can change that. Most assuredly, I’ll never be considered a “real Korean” by most Korean-born people, including my mother, as the definition of such a person has quite narrow parameters; however, I don’t care! I actually feel more of a kinship with Barack Obama (a biracial person) than I do with many Korean Koreans!

My daughter, who’s now old enough to be interested in culture, national origin, and ethnicity, is proud to say that she’s Korean, Scottish, Canadian, American, and a Californian. And Halmoni’s omnipresence in my daughter’s life provides constant exposure to Korean traditions, foods, and culture -- the exact same stuff I got as a kid.

Don't get me wrong: I do appreciate things Korean and very much want to be connected to my culture and ancestry. In the future, I’d like to make more of an effort to pay attention to Korean holidays, like Lunar New Year, Chuseok, among others; but that’s about as far as I feel the need to go.

I no longer relate to that Groucho Marx joke – vis-à-vis being Korean – wherein one wants fervently to join the club that will have nothing to do with her. I can change my own ethnic self-perception, but I can’t change how others see me. And in the immortal words of Phillip Marlowe in Robert Altman’s 1973 classic, The Long Goodbye, “It’s okay with me.”

By Twizzle, who still can't get over how much free time she suddenly has!

Bi-Racial Participants Sought for Obama documentary!

Dear Kimchi Mamas and Readers:

I just received the following annoucement from the folks at the Hapa Project (led by Kip Fulbeck - author of 100% Hapa). Please follow the link if you are interested!

Happy New Year!

Twizzle

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Journalist and TV personality Veronica De La Cruz is looking for people to be interviewed for an OBAMA documentary:

Did you grow up mixed-race? Bi-racial? Wiling to share your story? How do you feel an Obama presidency might change people's perspectives on race?

Are you tech-savvy? Do you blog, vlog or have a video journal? 

Did you do campaign for Obama and use the web or new media? How so? 

We want to hear from you!! Please drop us an email and preferably a video explaining why you would make a great subject for the documentary. 

Reach out to us: [email protected]

http://www.allthingscnn.com/2008/11/getting-to-knowveronica-de-la-cruz.html

Mutt like me

It's no secret that I'm over the moon that Barack Obama is our President-elect, but for those of you who don't know me or read my blog, I've been a supporter since he first announced his candidacy some two years ago. I've written about what it means to me as a biracial American to have someone like me ascend to the presidency. Of course - inserting necessary caveat - I've supported him not because of his race, but because he is the right person to lead our country right now at this moment in our history, fraught with both peril and unfathomable potential.

And I know, I know that he cannot be expected to carry the weight of all that he is to all of us. As the first African American, the first minority, the first biracial president in our history. It is too great, too momentous. I read a beautiful open letter from Alice Walker to Obama written just after he was elected and she said, "But seeing you deliver the torch so many others before you carried, year after year, decade after decade, century after century, only to be struck down before igniting the flame of justice and of law, is almost more than the heart can bear." The word "historical" is being thrown around like "bipartisan" these days, but all that history making, all that symbolism and standard-bearing, it creates some sticky expectations.

So, I admit, I have expectations. And when Obama was talking about his daughters' promised dog during his press conference on Friday, I was troubled by his use of the word "mutt" to refer to himself.

Hapa Kids Photo Shoot in Santa Barbara

Kip Fulbeck, author of the book Part Asian, 100% Hapa, will be doing a photo shoot of hapa children at the University of California, Santa Barbara, this weekend. Full details are below. Please contact Lindsay at the Hapa Project is you are interested in participating.

Thanks,

Twizzle

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MIXED KIDS PHOTO SHOOT at the University of California, Santa Barbara this weekend!

UCSB Arts Building Photo Studio - Arts 0242

Sunday, September 14th, 2008 11:00 AM - 2:00 PM

I am not hapa.

I grew up in Los Angeles, one of the most diverse cities in the world, but it was and is not uncommon for me to experience racism. From the overt ("Your parents made a mistake.") to the subtle and ignorant ("Oh, mixed children are so exotic looking. I want to marry a white guy so I can have pretty babies!"), much of that racism centered around my mixed background.

My mother is Korean and my father is Caucasian. When asked the ubiquitous question, "What are you?" I always felt unprepared to answer, like I had been singled out in class to answer a question but had failed to do the reading the night before. "I'm half Korean and half white," was the most common response. Or perhaps, "I'm Korean, English, Dutch and Scottish." Or occasionally, when I was feeling surly, "I'm human, and you?" And it wasn't just the white folks who were asking. Other Asians, especially other Koreans, seemed unceasingly curious. "Are you Mexican?" (It was never "Are you Latino?" of course.) "Are you Hawaiian?"

Koreans were often visibly shocked to discover that I was one of them. Or not. Because still, I am often not accepted as one of them. I have pushed and shoved and planted my feet firmly in the quicksand of identity and shouted, "I am Korean American!"