A few posts ago, I read a comment that included these words: "half breeds".
No, I am not rallying for angry responses because 1) it's obvious that there were no malicious intentions and 2) she may be referring to what OTHERS say. It wasn't clear as the words were not in quotation marks but I am not going to pretend to be a mind reader.
In fact, I should thank her since those words got me thinking about self-identifying labels for my biracial daughter and others like her.
Half. And other pesky fractions used to describe people. I get lost as the denominator gets larger and larger... it's what, 2, 4, 8, 16...? Isn't there a name for this kind of mathematical progression? I should know, right? Riiiiight.
Thanks to our commenter Kristen for pointing this out, I caught her comment about MSNBC featuring coverage on being Multiracial in America. There are six video vignettes of individual families from various parts of the U.S., from Alabama to California and in between. I watched all of them. Their stories are so different but so familiar, too. I don't know how long it's been there, or how much longer it will be available, so I encourage you to take a look. (Note, it does not include the perspectives of a family made multiracial through adoption or of a multi-racial family with same-sex parents, but many resounding themes are woven throughout each family's story.)
I'm so glad this is being discussed more and more in mainstream media. I don't constantly ponder what it means to be a Korean-American, a woman, a mom, in an inter-racial marriage and raising a multi-racial family. I don't see myself as doing anything extraordinary, my marriage and family are not a political platform. We're just a family. But I know I get to say that because I am a beneficiary of the work that had been done by brave activists before us. I am grateful that I don't have to fight today to justify my marriage or have to endure my child being called an abomination (at least not to my face), with no recourse or rights.
But I don't think about these things often. Most of the time, I just go about my days quietly and uneventfully, endless grocery store runs, putting the little one down for a nap, and these days trying to find a new job that will enable me to also be a mom. A whole lot of normalcy here. But there is always that tension - not necessarily a bad thing, but something that is there, like white noise in the background. It's helpful for me to have it brought to the surface, not necessarily screaming it from rooftops, guns a-blazin' and fists raised in the air, but getting a glimpse into the introspection we all go through in making our choices. Learning about other everyday families, living with and loving each other, just being, like us.
I love that we have such a diverse group of contributors as well as readers. For most part, we have very civilized conversations on topics ranging from pop culture to racial/cultural pains... and, for most part, we all learn from each other. Frequently, we also learn to be better human beings to each other and, those of us who are parents or will be parents, we are constantly learning how to be better parents. Ultimately, we've sought each other out in hopes that we will be able to teach our children to face any adversity with quiet but firm dignity, that we may lean on each other in times of our own need, whenever we ourselves are faced with the ugliness that is ignorance, and that we may share some laughter and joy. This is what the founders of Kimchi Mamas had to say in the beginning.
Alas, as with any public forum such as blogs, we do get people who will comment out of turn, who will completely miss why we are having any of these conversations in the first place and try to push his/her own agenda. Of course, we do reserve the right to ban any repeat offenders. Often, being spicy and fiery mamas that we are, we will comment right back. One of those readers left a comment a few days ago that, well, felt like a personal attack.
Elyse Yu, the first born of a set of triplet girls, was born on February 1, just four short months ago. A month ago she was diagnosed with HLH, a rare (one in a million) blood disorder. According to her doctors, the disease can be fatal within a month if left untreated. While Elyse is currently undergoing chemotherapy, it's only a temporary solution. She needs a bone marrow transplant to live.
Problem is, of the 6.5 million registered bone marrow donors, only 50,000 are Korean.
Elyse's parents are calling upon the Korean American community to save a life by registering as a bone marrow donor. All it takes is a simple swab of the inside of your cheek. If you are a match, you will either donate blood or marrow.
There is also a shortage of registered bone marrow donors among minorities across the board, but it's most acute among Asians and especially those of mixed race. Back in February, we posted about a young hapa (Korean/Caucasian) man named Sam Cross who needs a bone marrow transplant. Our friends over at Rice Daddies posted about another hapa (Filipino/Caucasian) child, two-year-old Harrison Leonardo that was also in dire need of bone marrow transplant.
You can read Elyse's story here and watch a YouTube video from her parents here. According to Elyse's blog, her story will be on ABC 7 (LA) at 11 pm tonight and over the weekend.
There are a number of bone marrow drives going on in the LA area, including one tomorrow at UCLA:
June 6th UCLA at Ackerman, Room 2412 from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.
June 10th Berendo St Baptist Church, 975 S Berendo Street, Los Angeles, CA 90006, from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.
June 10th Light of Love Mission Church, 2801 E. Colorado Boulevard, Pasadena, CA 91107, from 8:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m.
June 17th New Life Community & Light House Mission Church, 846 S. Union Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90017, from 9 a.m. to 1:30 p.m.
June 17th Oriental Mission Church, 424 N. Western Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90004, from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
You can find more information at Asians for Miracle Marrow Matches, including bone marrow drives in your area. Or you can go to the Asian American Donor Program website and request a kit to be emailed to you. For you expectant parents, consider donating your child's cord blood. AADP has links to more information on that option.
Metrodad's latest post reminded me of how often I've heard people call my daughter "exotic". She was only a few months old the first time someone said it, and I can't count how many times I've heard it since then. I know it's meant as a compliment, but it rubs me the wrong way. It reduces her to race. It implies foreignness, when my daughter is no more foreign than the average tow-headed kid from Ohio. It makes me think of Bai Ling, and all the other hyper-sexualized Asian characters in bad Hollywood movies. It puts her in a box. Yes, she is pretty (don't all parents think their kids are beautiful?) but she is so much more than that.
For those of you who are Asian or have Asian kids, when you hear the "e" word, do you take it as a compliment or does it piss you off?
The following message was posted as a comment on the "Welcome Carol" post. If you haven't already registered as a bone marrow donor, please do.
I would like to introduce myself. My name is Fred Cross. I am a professor of genetics at the Rockefeller University, of Caucasian background, married to Elizabeth Kim, who arrived from Korea at the age of 12. We have a son, Sam, who is currently a senior at Harvard. Over the winter break he was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. He has been undergoing extensive chemotherapy. It is possible that a final cure for this deadly disease may require a bone marrow transplant. Unfortunately, even though there are currently more than 7 million donors registered internationally, none are an exact tissue typing (HLA) match for Sam, since he has a relatively rare Caucasian haplotype from me and a more typical Asian one from his mom. Therefore, the most likely source for a perfect match for Sam are people with both Caucasian and Asian ancestry (1/2, 1/4 or 3/4 Asian could all be fine).
This is one of those posts that I couldn't decide whether to write on my personal blog or here at Kimchi Mamas.
The fact that I struggle with this issue from time to time is a
reflection of my two cultures clashing inside of me. Most of the time
being half-Korean is a non-issue for me, but there are times when I
will think or do something and know that it was a "very Korean" thing
to do. (My husband also likes to remind me of this...ahem.) I don't know how
to explain it better, but I know that the things I am about to write
probably will be taken differently by a "Kimchi Mamas audience" than on my personal, not-really-Asian-specific blog.
I want to put some more thoughts down about Bunny's new preschool
now that we've been there for a few weeks. I don't know if this post
even has a point, it's just stuff I've been thinking about and now need
to process by getting out of my brain and onto my computer.
As I bloggedpreviously,
Bunny's new school, at least in her cohort of 4-5's, is more academic
(for lack of a better word) than her previous school. Without getting
too specific*, there are other things about this school that lets an
outside observer know immediately that school is taken seriously here.
For the parent of a preschooler used to more relaxed surroundings, it's
a startling thing to see.
I originally wrote this post for my other blog in September, 2005 (pre-Kimchi Mamas) when I was six months pregnant with my son and first beginning to navigate my complicated feelings towards race, ethnicity, and being a hapa Korean American woman.
The other day I was at the Korean supermarket and the weirdest thing
happened. After waiting in one of the checkout aisles, I was finally at
the front of the line and a woman came up behind me with her cart.
Innocent enough, right? Well, as the checkout lady was beeping my stuff
through, this woman proceeded to bump her cart into my hip repeatedly.
Now, the first couple times I thought “maybe she wants to get her cart
through and she doesn’t notice that I’m abnormally large and that she’s
bumping her cart into my hip”. But then I thought “how can she not
notice that I’m abnormally large? And how can she not notice that her
cart is bumping when it keeps going bump, bump, bump against something
(my hip)?” So I turned around and asked her (very politely) “Do you
need to get through?” And she looked at me like I was crazy and shook
her head. So now I’m thinking “What is with this lady??” And now the
checkout lady has even noticed that this lady in line keeps bumping her
cart into me and as the checkout lady is waiting for me to slide my
card, she’s looking at the lady in line. But oddly enough, neither I
nor the checkout lady says anything to the crazy lady behind me who is
still bumping her cart into me. I keep casting puzzled, slightly angry
glances at her but she looks straight at me as if nothing is
happenning. And after my groceries are ready, I just leave and that is
when the bumping stops.
My mother never spoke Korean to my brothers and me when we were kids. That is, unless she was angry.
When my mom got mad, so mad she could spit nails, the way we could
always tell was when she started speaking shaking her head and ranting in Korean. She rarely spanked us, but when mom "Went Korean" on
us, we knew she meant business. It meant, "Mama is having a moment and if you kids don't clear out, then...things are going to get ugly."
We usually retreated to our rooms and didn't come out until she was
calmly sittng down and watching TV with a bag of dried fish in one hand
and a Little Kings Cream Ale in the other. The tirade usually started
with something like, "Aigo...!" and went downhill from there. I
once asked her what one of the words meant, and she said, "You don't
want to know." She muttered something about "flies that eat poop" and
"women who do bad things for a living."
We love comments, but we reserve the right to delete comments at our discretion. Any comments containing offensive language and/or racist or hurtful statements will be removed. Please keep your comments respectful and on-topic...or fear the wrath of the Korean mother-in-law.
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