Kimchi Mamas

Happy New Year

It's the Solar New Year!

I hope everyone had a restful time off and spent lots of time enjoying their families... although I gotta say that taking care of both kids all day is way harder than being at work. Even if one of them looks this cute:



Anyway, anyone got resolutions for the new year?

I'm not one to make resolutions (anymore, since I never seem to be able to keep them) but I have one word themes for the entire year. The simplicity of one word seems to work for me. My word for this year is humility. I hope the lessons aren't TOO painful. Humble pie can taste rather bitter some times.

My word last year was love. I feel like I still have no clue what love is all about, but I think in some strange way, it helped me to show love to my kids more intentionally.

Oh, did ya'll eat ttuk gook? 떡국? I swear, it's the easiest meal and we probably eat it at least once a month. Leftover rotissarie chicken carcass makes the best soup base too!

- Brought to you by, ramblin' Mary

Happy Children's Day (and A Give-Away to Celebrate!)

And, to commemorate the Korean holiday of Children's Day a.k.a. 어린이날 (Uh-ree-nee-nal), here are a few of my hopes and wishes for my daughter ...

May you always be curious about the world around you, finding beauty in even the smallest things, perpetually learning, constantly growing...

May you embrace life and live it fully, whether you're hugging trees, dancing to a mix CD, or creating art in all its various forms.

May you become stronger with every hardship, more compassionate with every heartache, more forgiving with every disappointment.

May you find the courage to speak your mind and to hold firmly to your principles, yet always seeking the way of peace and respectful dialog even in the midst of conflict.

May you know love and joy in their deepest forms, and may you give love and joy as much as and whenever possible.

May you write your own role in the story you find yourself in, wherever you may go and whatever you may do.

And, most of all, may you always know how much and how fiercely your mama loves you...

[...Cue your favorite version of Forever Young here...]

(Continue Reading here...)

April Photo Share!

Everyone has their personal favorite harbinger of spring.  Mine happens to be the cheery yellow forsythia bushes, especially the kind that are allowed to grow wild and unkempt.  I had the chance to photograph my daughter in a particularly extravagant forest of forsythia growing by a park.  It was just perfect for fulfilling one of my dreams, which was to recreate with my daughter this photo of me taken just a few weeks before I left Korea:

I spent that last month before I left Korea in Wonju, with my maternal grandparents, while my parents prepared for the big move to Chicago, and some of my fondest early childhood memories are from that time in that place.

How do you and your families celebrate spring?  Please share links to any images you may have.

Also, mark your calendars for a special post on Children's Day, May 5th!  You won't want to miss it! 

~ Sarah-Ji

Being Other; Being Whole

My daughter and I were at Chicago's Field Museum for a kid's theater show, and we happened to pass by this photo exhibit of portraits of people who are part Asian.  It's a selection of images from Kip Fullbeck's Hapa Project.  He also has a book titled the same as the exhibit.

It was interesting to see so many different faces who are all part Asian and to read the descriptions of how people define themselves personally.  My daughter was too hungry for lunch to take the time to look at each photo, but I did wonder how much she has considered being "other."  As far as I know, she is the only mixed race child in her class, and she knows that Mommy is Korean, and Daddy is not, and she is both.  

I doubt she's given it much thought, and I'm not sure what guidance I can provide in encouraging her to reflect on her identity as she grows older.  I hope our postmodern sensibilities will allow us to embrace the complexity and seeming contradiction of having a racial makeup of certain proportions that do not equate to how one actually identifies oneself.  I don't know how my daughter will take her "half Korean-ness" and "half Caucasian-ness" and integrate them into an identity that is holistic and truly her own self; I just hope I can be the support she needs on that journey.

~ Sarah-Ji

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In addition to the Hapa Project, Kip Fullbeck has a newer project called MIXED which features portraits of mixed race children and is also out in book form.

To see if there is an exhibit of either project near you, click here.

March Photo Share!

It's finally warm enough in Chicago to shed our winter coats! Cadence is excited to have more time on the playground at school. I am currently on the hunt for a pair of sparkle-ly sneakers that will meet Cadence's approval so that she doesn't go the whole warm weather months in patent leather dress shoes. Now that we can actually consider wearing dresses without turtlenecks and jeans underneath, the Twirl Factor has come up numerous times. I think she will be requesting a mani-pedi any day now.

Me thinks she needs an introduction to The Paper Bag Princess and Princess Smartypants...

What's going on in your worlds? Please share links to any recent (or old) photos or the titles of your favorite children's books with strong female characters (princess or otherwise).

P.S. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

-Sarah-Ji, who is looking forward to wearing sandals in a couple weeks in NOLA

February Photo Share!

As a photographer, I have to admit that words often fail me, and I've been wondering how to contribute to the Kimchi Mama community.  So I've decided to do what I know and start a monthly Photo Share post where we can all share links to images of our kids or any picture from our daily lives.  Think of it as an Open Thread, except with photos.

The photo above is my daughter Cadence spinning around in her new dress.  It's the dead of winter here in the Windy City, and I've been daydreaming a lot about our upcoming spring break to New Orleans, hence the new sleeveless dress.  Cadence loves the excellent twirl factor, and both she and I can't wait until she can actually wear that outside.

Now it's your turn.  Feel free to share with us links to recent images of you and/or your kids.  And if you have any suggestions on what to do in NOLA with a 5 year old, I'm all ears (or eyes, rather)!

~ Sarah-Ji, who thinks Peru sounds good right about now.

Korean versus Western

It's crunch time here in Texas . . .

It's been a whirlwind courtship.  From a March meeting, to a May proposal and now an October wedding. But the rest of our lives . . .

(photos after the jump)

Comfort Food

When Cadence finally started eating solids other than Cheerios, it was Korean food that she learned to love first.  To this day, she devours my mom's chigaes (soup/stew), and when all else fails, she seldom says no to rice and kim (nori).  Although she still shies away from the spicy foods, I'm amused at how she never tires of chigae with rice.  That has always been my comfort food and something I just don't get tired of.

After we immigrated to the U.S. when I was almost 6, my mother didn't cook Korean food exclusively.  She would try new "American" recipes, and when she found something she could make, she'd make it constantly for a couple weeks.  Pepper steak, corned beef hash, reuben sandwiches, and polish sausage with sauerkraut were the most frequently served non-Korean dishes that I can recall.  I suppose I could mention the fried SPAM sandwiches, but for some reason, I would have to categorize that under Korean food.

Despite my mom's forays into "Western" cuisine, I still loved Korean food the best and would often eat chigae or guk (soup) and rice for breakfast before school.  Quite honestly, anything beyond a sandwich, or to be more specific, anything that required the use of a fork and knife, made me nervous to eat in public well into adulthood. 

When I was in the 8th grade, I went to an awards banquet for our school district at a hotel with my mom.  I think this was the first time I ate at a sit-down cloth napkin type of affair.  I had no idea what to do, and I remember feeling my cheeks flush.  I looked to my mother for guidance, but immediately realized she was as lost as I was with the fancy tablecloth and napkins and multiple utensils.  Somehow, we got through the meal by copying what the others at the table were doing, but I never forgot that feeling of "otherness."

I've been doing a web-based read-along of Brené Brown's book on shame resilience for women called I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy and Power.  As I've been reading the book and looking through the online discussions on Brené's blog, I've been thinking about what my personal shame triggers are, and I realized that a big one is this feeling of being "other," of not knowing proper etiquette, of not understanding certain idioms, this fear of doing something "improper." 

Brené's book points out that talking about our personal experiences of shame is helpful in working through our shame, and that the antidote to shame is empathy.  I know there's a lot more to my "shame baggage" than merely not knowing which fork to use and when or the fact that I'd rather eat chigae and rice (and yes, kimchi) for breakfast than pancakes or waffles.  Nevertheless, it's a start...

- Sarah-Ji

Team Do! Boo!

Shortly before I got pregnant with Cadence, I was part of a coterie of Korean American young women led by the inimitable Mia Park.  We called ourselves Team Do!Boo!, which doesn't make sense to most people if they're not fans of Mates of State, but it meant something to us then.  We had grand plans to take over the world, but never quite got around to it.  What we did do, however, was to get together and learn how to make Korean food.

Most of us had grown up in the U.S., either as adoptees or 1.5 or 2nd gens.  I'd say we were 80% pathetic when it came to our knowledge of cooking Korean food.  The first time we got together to make mandoo (Korean dumplings), Mia had an envelope on which she'd scribbled instructions from her mom as well as a bag of packaged frozen mandoo that we used as reference.  Nevertheless, we kept trying our hand at different dishes, and we even managed to make our own jars of kimchi once.

After I had Cadence, it was harder for me to get together with these ladies, but whenever I did, I would realize how much I missed them.  Even though we all had diverse backgrounds, there was a sense of camaraderie and acceptance that we shared with each other that I don't know how to explain.  I never had to worry about how bad my Korean was, as only one of us was fluent.  There was no need to "look good" for each other, whether in physical appearance or jobs, possessions or partners, since most of us had non-mainstream sensibilities.  We were open about our individual ignorance regarding Korean culture, and we tried to learn together.  We explored feelings of identity--as Korean Americans, as women, as Korean American women. 

I had a chance to see a few of the old gang last Saturday when we went out to a Korean restaurant to celebrate someone's adoption anniversary.  The photo above is one of the dol sot (hot clay pot) bibimbaps at our table.  To me, that image symbolizes what the Team Do!Boo! gals mean to me.  They are my comfort food, the ones who can make me feel good and right at home even after months of not seeing them.  And for that, I am grateful.

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Edited to add: I just found the old Team Do!Boo! mission statement:

team do!boo!

do boo is the korean word for tofu, an essential ingredient in asian cuisine that is used in a variety of ways...team do!boo! is a collective of young korean american women from different backgrounds who share a rich heritage and a passionate sense of individuality...some were born in the u.s...some were born in korea...others were adopted by nonkorean families...these individuals have come together to collaborate creatively and socially, to spur each other on (team) towards positive action (do!) with spunk and pride (boo!).

Ah, memories...the good old days when I didn't use capital letters...

-Sarah-Ji