I had an interesting conversation with my son about the anti-Asian violence in the news in recent weeks. We were having different reactions to it, and I appreciate that we respect each other enough that we could just talk about it as adults.
My reaction was one of pity, irritation, some anger, and flashback emotions to my childhood. I finally published the poem I wrote 3 decades ago in college on the Kimchi Mamas blog. I grew up in a mostly white area, and I remember one student from Puerto Rico, and two Black families growing up. The students who terrorized me the most were two Black girls and many white boys. I was bullied and teased in elementary school. Daily. Marginalized in middle school. Respected finally by high school, but seen as "other" by most of my peers. This continued through college, and even my early working years.
This life experience is what drew me to California in the first place. A Japanese family that I grew up with back East moved to Cali for the same reason, and I remember them writing my (white) parents telling them the difference they saw in their youngest child's socialization after moving. How the teasing finally ended and he could just be himself at last.
My son's reaction is much milder. Yes, the attacks are bad, but it's not institutional, is it? He has a point. While there have been serious attacks, and deaths even, these are rare compared to what our Black friends, neighbors, colleagues have to deal with. I've never worried for my life when being pulled over by a police officer--I see them as protectors, not a harmful force. I've never had to distrust doctors, hiring managers, authority in general based on my race. Based on my gender, Yes indeed. But not my race. Mostly it's the social interactions where the racism issue has come up, when people assume I am foreign or don't speak English. Minor indeed.
The bigger boys loved to taunt me in their ripped jeans and expensive sneakers. They walked like cowboys from old westerns pelvis forward, shoulders squared, hands on their hips where their holsters should have been.
Irritated with their own lives, they wanted to get back at somebody for it--anybody would do. My Korean face stood out from the others, so they picked me.
They would stalk me on the way home from school, where no teachers could stop them. I had to walk just one short block from the bus stop to my home. One block with them shadowing my steps. I didn’t need to turn around to know they were there.
Chiiiink. Jaaaaaap. Goooooook. I could hear the glee in their voices as they drew out the vowels to savor the taste of the words. Whenever I flinched, they snickered.
I imagined their faces behind me; fanged creatures, with claws and horns. I knew if I ran, they would chase me, howling: huge dobermans growling and snapping at the corners of my schoolbag.
Deliberately, I turned to face them. Rotating my body first, I brought my eyes up last, trying to delay the confrontation.
I saw one red-haired boy, freckled from the sun; One blond boy, blue eyes glaring through thick glasses. The other three had brown hair of varying shades and lengths. One wore a baseball cap wedged on his uncombed head. Another clamped his lips over braces, which bulged out anyway. The last was the ringleader, skinniest and meanest.
My narrow eyes of black agate glared at their wide brown and blue ones. My golden tan contrasted with their pale faces.
I saw them nudge each other and point at me, their smirks becoming uncertain frowns. They tripped over their untied laces and elbowed each other in the ribs while trying to back away. They never expected a nine-year old to stand up to them.
If you are Asian American, you probably have seen the following video, maybe even on this very site! But just in case you have been hiding under some rocks lately, here it is in all its glory:
The hilarious star of this video is Stella Choe: dancer, choreographer, and actress. As luck would have it, Stella and Kimchi Mama Julie have a mutual friend, and so we were able to ask her a few questions!
Kimchi Mamas: Please tell us about your acting/career background and current projects.
Stella Choe: I started dancing when I was 6 and knew by 10 that I wanted to be a dancer. I started doing dance jobs when I was 16, and then after high school, went on to a dance scholarship program at the EDGE Performing Arts Center which trains you for a dance career. I finished college and persued dancing, and have done some fun jobs.
I toured with Paul McCartney in 2002 to 2003, I have been in episodes for Scrubs, Two and a Half Men, I am one of the cheerleaders in the film "The Replacements" (funny side note: my credit was as the "Asian" cheerleader. HAHA!) I have been an assistant and associate choreographer for films that include "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," "A Cinderella Story" and "Gangster Squad." Being a dancer in LA exposes you to the film and TV world and I started acting, but mainly for commercials.
KM: Wow, you danced for a Beatle and choreographed for Brad Pitt! Amazing! So how did you join this project? Were you familiar with Ken Tanaka and his work?
SC: I am friends with David Ury, the co-writer of the sketch. We were at a party together and the "What kind of Asian are you?" question came up in a conversation with some guy. It was pretty innocent, but anyway, David and I started talking about it and he came up with the idea of turning the tables. David and Ken then co-wrote the sketch. Oddly enough, just before that party David and I had talked about doing a video for my reel to help me get new theatrical representation for tv and film, so the timing was perfect.
I am also familiar with Ken and am a fan of his videos and his picture book Everybody Dies.
This was something new for him to put up on his channel. None of us thought the reaction would be what it has been!
KM: During your Britishisms part, how much was scripted and how much was ad-libbed? Either way, is there more footage out there? Can we see it? :)
SC: There was definitely a script we worked with, but as we shot I had some room to play. It was a collaborative effort, with the creative crew shouting out things at one point and me attempting to list as many british things I knew, and having fun with the physicality of it. There's an outtake reel that was published a few days ago, and you can get a sense of the silliness of it all!
The other actor, Scott Beehner, and I just shot a new video today with us reading some of the Youtube comments from the original video that are hysterical and ridiculous in and of themselves. It's a quick montage of "zingers" which should be posted soon.
KM: Can't wait for that! And it actually brings me to my last questions: were you raised by a Kimchi Mama? If so, how did she react to your interest in the arts? And has she seen the video?
SC: I was indeed raised by a Kimchi Mama!!!!! The best! My parents immigrated here in 1969 and my 2 other sisters and I were born and raised here in LA. My mom encouraged us to assimilate and be American. I think it was a tricky balance for her to try to keep Korean traditions alive in our upbringing while trying to raise us in Manhattan Beach (a very white beach community).
I have to say I was pretty lucky in the support department. I think my mom was worried about me pursuing a career she didn't really understand, but I did well in school and after college I was like, "I'm freeeee!!!" and I got a waitressing job. Even now, I don't think she gets how I support myself, but she's always excited to hear if I get a job and have food to eat. She saw the video and thinks I look crazy and am acting crazy. Ah, you gotta love a Kimchi Mama.
Thanks so much to Stella for taking the time to talk to us! Also, please check out Stella and David Ury in their interview with the Huffington Post, where they provide even more background as to the inspiration for the video:
Have you read this review of the documentary Seeking Asian Female? What are your thoughts? I have a non-Asian male acquaintance who has a definitive "type" of woman - tiny, feisty, hardworking, future-baby/homemaking Filpina; but he's also the uber-geeky American guy who long-distance "dates" women in other countries, making the occasional trip east when funds allow.
Seeking Asian Female, by Debbie Lum
I found the story kind of fascinating - I, too, cringed, but still, I couldn't stop reading. Would you, like Sandy, stay so you wouldn't lose face upon finding that your knight in shining armor was not so shiny? Does it matter how they start if they fall in love with each other in the end?
Netflix doesn't have the Debbie Lum's documentary quite yet, but I've saved it to my queue... now, will I actually watch this when it arrives in mailbox?
The kids and I sat down at our local teriyaki place, next to a couple in their 50s with their buddy. They were very conspicuously complaining about all the taxes they have to pay this year, including a THOUSAND dollars to THAT OBAMA (I assume they make the check straight out to him?), and how they're not taking it anymore and they're going to just not pay it because that money is going directly to welfare queens and aborting babies and death panels and Muslims and...
...so I told the kids to pack up their stuff because we're moving to another table.
I tried to give them my best Korean Mom Death Stare along the way. They quieted down after they realized that they were out of their usual bubble.
This happened in Long Beach, California, a diverse city compared to most of the country. And yet, it is apparently not diverse enough, since people like them still feel like they can proclaim their misinformed, bigoted thoughts without repercussion. Obviously, people are entitled to their own opinions, but it's the pure vitriol in which these opinions are uttered that disturbs me. And of course, if they were the first people I encountered bad-mouthing the poor, the disabled, or the race, nationality, supposed religion, or character of our president, I wouldn't have bothered writing about it. But attitudes like these are prevalent here.
Even my next door neighbor, whom my children adore and who has many times helped us settle into our home, holds frightening views on Latin Americans and other immigrants. He doesn't know that I, like many other permanent residents and naturalized citizens, was at one point an illegal immigrant.
A family who lives a few houses down sent their two young girls canvassing the neighborhood in support of Proposition 8. When I tried to explain to these girls how I aligned myself with the gay community and believed in marriage equality for all, they looked sincerely frightened of me.
Across the street from them, another lady runs a daycare in her home, and she told Tim to watch out for other daycares in the neighborhood who hire minorities and illegals, when he called her to enquire whether she had room for Emi when we first moved here. Since the conversation was over the phone, she did not know she was talking to a minority family. Since then, we have seen her take her charges for walks around the neighborhood, always 6-8 beautiful blonde children in a red wagon. I do not think it's pure coincidence that the children are always white.
And so, after almost five years here, this corner of Long Beach doesn't quite feel like home. I feel like a tourist, an alien, and I worry my motley little family will always feel that way, no matter where we settle.
--Julie
----------------------------
A reader expressed some concern about my statement about being an illegal immigrant at some point in my life. Here is my clarification (although honestly, I don't know the whole story, since I was a young child when this all went down):
My family and I did not COME here illegally, my father was sponsored through his employer and he did everything by the book. However, there was a very, very long waiting period between applying for a green card and receiving it, where technically our status was up in the air (or maybe his status was still okay, but my mom and I were not? I'm not clear on the details). We couldn't go visit relatives in Korea, for example, because we would have trouble coming back into the US.
During that waiting period, which I believe took about 10 years, I grew up as a normal Korean American kid in southern California. There was no way you could line up other typical Korean American kids and point out those of us who were technically visaless, or social security number-less, and those who were born here, even if you opened a window into our brains.Once we received permanent residency status, things were hunky-dory, and it didn't take long for us to become naturalized citizens after that. This was a pretty typical immigrant story for the time period, although I do not know what the process is like now.
Although I love vaginas and enjoy talking about them, I have yet to go see a Vagina Monologues show. Oh, how I wish I can go to this one! The cast is all Asian/Pacific Islander, and I bet this will be a transformative experience.
From their website:
NAPAWF Bay Area proudly presents an Asian Pacific American women's production of the Vagina Monologues. Set in the historic Castro Theater of San Francisco, we'd like to invite you to an evening celebrating community visibility, the stories of women, and Asian Pacific American Heritage Month.
This production is directed by Gabrielle Patacsil and features an all Asian Pacific American women-identified cast. Proceeds benefit the local Bay Area chapter of the National Asian Pacific American Women's Forum, the nation's only multi-issue women's organization for Asian Pacific American women and girls.
And here are the performers introducing themselves in an awe-inspiring, irreverent, hilarious, and poignant video:
The APA Vagina Monologues Thursday, May 17, 2012 7:30 PM Castro Theatre 429 Castro Street (at Market) San Francisco, CA 94114 United States
Koji Steven Sakai at 8Asians.com did what many of us do not dare to do: he lurked on white supremacist discussion boards in order to see what they though of Asian people.
Sakai reported back that the feelings were in fact mixed; some white supremacists viewed Asians, especially the Japanese, as a race to respect and/or model in terms of setting up a homogeneous yet prosperous society. Others viewed us as a yellow menace.
The excerpts included in the article just chilled me to the bone. I found it a fascinating read, and wanted to share with the Kimchi Mama community. What did you guys think?
--Julie
PS: Koji Steven Sakai is currently working on "Chink," a horror movie with an Asian American protagonist.
I am a HUGE fan of the PostSecret site! And as I Korean immigrant whose parents seemed to always have (family, past, etc.) secrets, I find PostSecret to be a really neat idea about how just releasing the secret really frees you from the binds of the secret...
Anyhow, I saw this on last week's (11/5/11) secrets and immediately thought about posting it here on Kimchi Mamas. Though I can't read what is written in hangul, I definitely can relate to what is written in English.
And I also think that's another thing that makes PostSecret so neat: almost no matter what a person's secret is, someone out there shares it, too.
It's been a long time folks, it's OPEN THREAD THURSDAY - what's on YOUR mind?
--Angie in Texas is glad to be back in the blogosphere!
I really enjoyed reading everyone's comments on my last post about ethnicity/race here... but now I am curious...
What is the "right" way to ask questions about a bi-racial/multi-racial (or not-so-obvious ethnicity/race) child's ethnicity/race? Especially if the child is only with one parent and it's not obvious, or if the child is adopted from a ethnicity/race not the same as both or either parent. Or is it even Kosher or PC, to ask about ethnicity/race anymore?
Some of the wrong ways might be:
Is your child adopted?
Is your wife/husband Oriental?
Is that your friend's son/daughter?
Are you the nanny?
Is he/she from China?
Where is your family from?
If you are the parent of a multi-racial or biracial child, how would you prefered to be asked about your child(ren)'s race, if at all?
Wesley Yang's recent essay, "Paper Tigers," was published as the cover story of New York Magazine yesterday. Have you read it yet? I just did, and my head is reeling. Much like Manny Pacquiao delivering blow after blow in the ring, Wesley Yang overloads the senses with vivid imagery, damning statistics, compelling interviews and profiles, and the occasional "fuck you" thrown in for good measure. It is a long article, and I write short blog posts, so I'm only going to talk about a couple points here, but please bring up other points of discussion in the comments if you wish.
Okay, first assertion by the author I wish to talk about: Asian Americans, although we have fantastic college acceptance and graduation rates, meet a "Bamboo Ceiling" in the corporate world, evidenced by some anecdotes and the fact that only 1.8% of Fortune 500 companies have Asian CEOs. Therefore, all the math drills and cram schools we force our kids to attend do not guarantee success in life after school.
First off, I agree that this Bamboo Ceiling phenomenon exists; I just don't think the statistics he has chosen to use even begin to prove his point. If we go by the Fortune 500 measure, everyone in America besides these 500 CEOs hasn't succeeded, and I'm sure many of them beg to differ. And I'm not talking from the "money doesn't guarantee happiness" point of view either...fine, you want to judge success by Benjamins, I can talk Benjamins.
How about the thousands of Asian Americans who can say: "I may not have made $37 million dollars last year as CEO of PepsiCo (ironically CEOed by a woman of South Asian descent), but as a boring-ass middle-tier lawyer I did make $300,000." I dunno about you, but that still seems like success to me. And don't forget all the Asian Americans who knowingly opt out of the rat race either by becoming public servants, activists, artists and designers, church leaders (I wonder what the combined net worth of all the Korean churches in America is...I bet it's not too shabby), and self-employed.
It's tough to become a Fortune 500 CEO, or any kind of CEO that necessitates moving up the corporate ladder. The reason why so many of them are tall white men is because their predecessors were tall white men. The Old Boy Network has been around for what, 12 generations now, and that club is hard to get into, and it usually involves multiple generations of inherited money, power, and connections to people like governors and board members, so they're not bound to look kindly on some fresh-faced 2nd generation ethnic-American whose family's net worth cannot buy a congressional district. I think it's amazing that even 9 Asian Americans managed to pierce through that veil. Go them!
Which brings me to my second point: you think Asian Americans have it bad? Talk to a Latino or African American. Their "success" numbers drop off in high school, let alone college. Or how about women of all races? Injustice comes in many flavors.
My second cause of dismay was the uncomfortably long portion dedicated to learning pick up artist tricks in order to bone white girls. After all this compelling talk about real Asian American issues, with no segue at all, suddenly I'm thrust into a world I don't think I'm meant to witness with a motley crew of alpha-males-in-training. Their mission statement: "What is good in life?" “To crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentation of their women—in my bed!”
Work and life success equated with contrived sexual conquests? Really? Who invited me to the sausage fest?
However, this bombastic tone screeches to a halt near the end when he starts talking about Amy Chua's Tiger Mom book. In fact, his review is the most nuanced and intriguing I've read on the topic, and it actually made me want to finally read the book. Which brings me to my final reaction: despite the gut-wrenching, angry ways he describes his own and the world's shortcomings, Wesley Yang strikes me a pinnacle of his definition of success. He has a semi-naked picture of himself published in his barely-edited cover story for New York Magazine, for goodness' sake! And dare I say, despite his first few paragraphs, he accomplished this as an Asian American.
We love comments, but we reserve the right to delete comments at our discretion. Any comments containing offensive language and/or racist or hurtful statements will be removed. Please keep your comments respectful and on-topic...or fear the wrath of the Korean mother-in-law.
Recent Comments