Kimchi Mamas

You Win Some, You Lose Some

My son, Isaac, is currently in first grade, and this academic year has proven to be one full of self-discovery and -actualization.  I always thought hearing his first words was the most breathtaking parenting moment, but witnessing him trying to place himself along the myriad of spectrums of identity, has been nothing short of magic.

The other day, he told me how some boys like to play rough while others liked princesses, and how he was somewhere in the middle.  Believe me, that is some pretty insightful analysis from a boy whose favorite YouTube video features a cat hiccuping and farting at the same time.

A few weeks ago, while I was volunteering in his classroom, I came upon a pen pal letter he had written.  It went something like this:

Dear Pen Pal,

Hi!  How are you?  My name is Isaac and I am Korean.  Are you Korean too?  I am very good at addition and pretty good at subtraction, and I am a good listener.  What do you like to do?  I hope you write back soon.  Bye!

Isaac

Did you see that???  He said he was Korean.  Be still my heart!  I can die now, my work on earth is done.

So when it came time for this month's show and tell (the assignment was to bring something that symbolizes your family's winter traditions), I asked him if he wanted to bring in his han bok and talk about how Koreans celebrate New Year's, namely how we go to our grandparents' house, bow to them and get money, then eat a huge meal involving soup, fish, and the like.  He was keen on the idea, and we rehearsed a few times to make sure he was prepared.  

The morning of his presentation, we had another walk-through and I nearly fainted when he said, "My name is Isaac and I am going to talk about New Year's.  This is my, uh...my...Hong Kong, which is a kind of Chinese or Japanese thing you wear."

I suppose we are all works in progress, right?

Colorblind kids

This post about a cute Halloween story on my personal blog reminded me of a story my Mom told years ago, that illustrated beautifully how colorblind (to race) children can be.  She taught 3rd grade in a public school back East, and the area was largely Caucasian.  Our white family with 2 adopted daughters from Korea stood out.

One day when I was visiting my mother at school (I would hang out with her when my elementary school was closed on a day her district was open), we were on line in the hallway waiting to go to lunch.  A fellow teacher was walking her class past us, when one of the students grabbed her hand, pointed to me, and asked who I was.  The other teacher, Ms. F, explained that I was Mrs. C's daughter, and visiting for the day.

The astounded child responded, rather loudly, that "that girl" couldn't possibly be Mrs. C's daughter... The mortified teacher moved the class quickly out of earshot, and took the verbose child aside to have this private conversation:

OK, Johnny, I assure you "that girl" is indeed Mrs. C's daughter.  Why don't you think it could be?

Ms. F prepared to have a discussion about race and family.  Instead, this was the response Johnny gave; 

Mrs. C has a son who taught us physical education last year.  She's too OLD to have a daughter that young!

Gotta LOVE how colorblind young children can be.  Not AGE-blind, though, I guess!

It's Open Thread Thursday!  What's on your mind?

--Jomama

Ethnicity is not important

"Simon says it's best not to invest too much of one's identity in ethnicity."

 

I am an avid listener of NPR and think that they are the best source of news, most of the time but this story was just... just... so... biased and bad.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129301982

As some of the commenters already pointed out, this story breaks the #1 rule of journalism, that the journalist be objective and have no bias. I guess journalism gets meshed with a bunch of other kinds of writing nowadays and this isn't the biggest problem I have with this article but... ANYWAY.

 

That quote up there. That pressed a button. My first thought, who the hells is HE to tell ME that it's not best to invest too much of my identity in ethnicity. DUDE. Being Korean is one of the most important things for my identity. When asked to draw a picture of "me" in a high school art class, I drew a big picture of the Korean flag as a part of the collage. Being Korean isn't THE most important part of my identity but it's certainly more important than a bunch of other things and I certainly do invest a lot of my identity, time, energy, and money into being Korean.

 

What IS the right way to ask....

You know what question I'm talking about! Some of the wrong ways to ask are:

1. Where are you from?

2. Where are your parents from?

3. Where were you born?

4. Where were your parents born?

5. Where did you grow up?

6. Were you born here?

7. What nationality are you?

8. Are you Chinese?

9. I love sushi! (Wait, that's not a question!)

10. What language do you speak at home?

11. Ni hao ma? (Wo hen hao.)

Looking at Racism Anew

Ever since I was referred to this essay by Tim Wise a couple days ago, my brain has been running on overdrive trying to process it all.  I am not a sociologist or anything, but I'd love to have a discussion about the racism in this country and where we as Korean Americans fit into the spectrum.

A few of the statistics Mr. Wise listed (these are by far not the most shocking facts he presents) *:

How many have heard that persons with “white sounding names,” according to a massive national study, are fifty percent more likely to be called back for a job interview than those with “black sounding” names, even when all other credentials are the same (5)?

How many know that white men with a criminal record are slightly more likely to be called back for a job interview than black men without one, even when the men are equally qualified, and present themselves to potential employers in an identical fashion (6)?

How many have heard that according to the Justice Department, Black and Latino males are three times more likely than white males to have their vehicles stopped and searched by police, even though white males are over four times more likely to have illegal contraband in our cars on the occasions when we are searched (7)?

How many are aware that black and Latino students are about half as likely as whites to be placed in advanced or honors classes in school, and twice as likely to be placed in remedial classes? Or that even when test scores and prior performance would justify higher placement, students of color are far less likely to be placed in honors classes (8)? Or that students of color are 2-3 times more likely than whites to be suspended or expelled from school, even though rates of serious school rule infractions do not differ to any significant degree between racial groups (9)?

Fact is, few folks have heard any of these things before, suggesting how little impact scholarly research on the subject of racism has had on the general public, and how difficult it is to make whites, in particular, give the subject a second thought.

While I have been aware of the overt racism minorities have always faced for most of my life and have had my share of ching-chong teasing and racially-charged sexual advances, I am more recently starting to realize that for all intents and purposes, my generation of East Asian Americans are exempt from a lot of today's institutionalized racism.  Obviously, this was not always the case, but right now, if I was applying for an apartment, and there was an equally-qualified black woman also applying, I would be willing to bet money that I'd get chosen.  I think a landlord can look at my Korean last name and (rather erroneously) assume that I would be the quieter, neater, more financially reliable potential tenant.

The story repeats itself when I apply for jobs, when I apply for loans, when I am assessed in school.  Why is this so?  Why are the stereotypes I am subjected to so annoyingly positive and/or harmless? **  Is it because our skin color is somehow non-offensive, or because the majority of America does not find us physically threatening?

And, if I am not part of the oppressed, and I am actually benefiting from some of the oppression, does that make me an oppressor myself?

I know there are no easy answers to these questions, and perhaps there is no true answer as my view of the world changes day by day, but the mere possibility that I may be inadvertently abetting the racist status quo is enough to inspire me to reassess everything I do.

--Julie

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* Also, when I read Mr. Wise's essay, I was reminded of the Harvard University Project Implicit race test that shows again and again that most Americans have underlying preferences for white faces over black faces.  I was introduced to the test by Malcolm Gladwell's book "Blink," where he describes despite being half black himself, he could not score "correctly" (i.e., weighting white and black faces as the same, or even preferring black) even after multiple repeat runs.  Even when he knew the actual test in and out, he could not even fake the result he wanted.  I scored "Equal" the first time and "Prefer Black" the second, so I probably have some issues.

** I know there are lots of negative Asian stereotypes.  But I don't think they are as bad as the stereotypes other races face.  For example, supposedly we are shitty drivers.  But I wonder if statistically, people are being pulled over for driving while Asian.  (Also, if you have anecdotes I would love to hear them!)  No one ever crossed the street when I approach because I'm supposedly good at math or am a tigress in the sack.

Being Other; Being Whole

My daughter and I were at Chicago's Field Museum for a kid's theater show, and we happened to pass by this photo exhibit of portraits of people who are part Asian.  It's a selection of images from Kip Fullbeck's Hapa Project.  He also has a book titled the same as the exhibit.

It was interesting to see so many different faces who are all part Asian and to read the descriptions of how people define themselves personally.  My daughter was too hungry for lunch to take the time to look at each photo, but I did wonder how much she has considered being "other."  As far as I know, she is the only mixed race child in her class, and she knows that Mommy is Korean, and Daddy is not, and she is both.  

I doubt she's given it much thought, and I'm not sure what guidance I can provide in encouraging her to reflect on her identity as she grows older.  I hope our postmodern sensibilities will allow us to embrace the complexity and seeming contradiction of having a racial makeup of certain proportions that do not equate to how one actually identifies oneself.  I don't know how my daughter will take her "half Korean-ness" and "half Caucasian-ness" and integrate them into an identity that is holistic and truly her own self; I just hope I can be the support she needs on that journey.

~ Sarah-Ji

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In addition to the Hapa Project, Kip Fullbeck has a newer project called MIXED which features portraits of mixed race children and is also out in book form.

To see if there is an exhibit of either project near you, click here.

아줌마 (Ajumma)

When I was in college, I had a bet going with my friends, a bet I would almost always win.  If we were attending a party or other gathering that required me to introduce myself to new people, inevitably one or more of those people would mention how much they loved Margaret Cho and thought she was SO funny.

WTF, right?  I look nothing like her.  And these weren't just your typical ignorant folk either; somehow the magic combination being Korean and overweight and funny made people make the connection.  I probably should have been flattered.

Regardless, I resented the hell out of it, not because I didn't like Margaret Cho's comedy or her philosophies, in fact I consider myself a fan.   However, I think everyone likes to believe that they are a unique little snowflake in this world, and that there is room in people's hearts for more than one outspoken, witty Korean woman.  But no, my chances of fame are forever dashed because she came first!  Why are the fates so cruel!  I raise my fist to the heavens and cry, MORAAAAAAN!!!

Anyway, I was reminded of this today when I asked my husband in a husky, too-eager voice, "TIM!!!  I made an awesome kimchi jjigae, take a picture!"

Then a warning buzzer rang in my head: uh oh, I just loved my own cooking.  That is #4 in Stuff Korean Moms Like.  I am no longer Margaret Cho.  I'm Margaret Cho's MOM.  I am officially an ajumma, a visor-wielding, self-medicating matron.  Oh well, at least now I get to talk smack about you in front of your face while I polish my Corningware.

While we're on the subject, here is Margaret Cho on being a Korean American role model (warning: bad words), which is ironically very much similar to my views on being a Korean American:

My first Christmas memory

Guest post from the lovely Jomama.

Picture a little girl, about 5 or 6 years old, supposedly.  It's hard to believe that can be accurate, since she is so small stepping off the plane that has just brought her from Korea to New York's bustling airport (Kennedy or LaGuardia?  I'm not sure)

Two people are waiting for her--both Caucasian.  One is a plump middle-aged woman, with curly brown hair in a styled hairdo--freshened up at the salon she visits every week.  The other is a tall thin man, and the little girl has to crane her neck to see his face.  They both embrace her, taking her from the greeter who relieved the chaperone that flew across the Pacific Ocean with her to bring her to her new family.  This will be the last time for a while that she will be able to speak to anyone, as she does not yet understand any English words.  The small bag that was packed for her by the orphanage was lost somewhere along the flight.  All she has is the clothing she is wearing, which include rubber shoes (kudus) that are too big, and held on her feet by rubber bands.  She is clutching the papers she drew on to occupy her during the flight.  The lines make no sense to her new parents, since they are the beginnings of hangul, Korean writing.  No loops or curves are visible as you would see in Roman letters.

Musings On Race: How Far We've Come

In light of yesterday’s beer-fest hosted by President Obama to quell racial tensions around the recent arrest of Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr., I have found my thoughts turning, once again, to race, ethnicity, and identity. This morning I listened to a call-in show on my San Francisco NPR station wherein this topic was addressed. Specifically, listeners were invited to share their thoughts on the Gates arrest and its aftermath, which President Obama says is a "teachable moment" on race in America. One caller on the show observed that her young child seemed to have no concept of race – that she had school friends of all colors, and based her decision on whether or not to befriend someone on their behavior and character, and not on their skin color.

What if Metrodad were white?

It's no secret that we here at Kimchi Mamas love us some Metrodad. His posts are by turn insightful or touching, but mostly they make me snort my drink up my nose on a regular basis. If there are "characters" in blog-dom, MD, his lovely BossLady and their absolutely freaking adorable Peanut are some of the most colorful and endearing. Plus, Metrodad is just an all around cool guy.

So I have to say I'm thrilled - THRILLED - that he's getting some serious interest from major networks to turn Metrodad into a television sitcom. Plus a potential book deal! Wheee!

But then I'm very much not thrilled that pushing for an Asian American lead may mean that Metrodad may never hit the small screen at all.

So what do you all think? Should MD push for an Asian American lead in any would-be sitcom? Could we imagine Metrodad as a white guy? Can funny be funny whether the character is white, yellow or purple with pink polka dots? Or should we resign ourselves to the fact that a comedy about an Asian American dad raising his daughter in New York is just too much for "mainstream" America to swallow?

- Nina