Kimchi Mamas

Korean Enough

When I first started blogging on Kimchi Mamas, my main interest was learning about ways in which I could instill a sense of Korean-ness (identity, culture, history, connection) in my daughter, who is one-quarter Korean. Being hapa, myself, I wrote frequently and passionately about my own feelings of inadequacy as a "real Korean;" my sense of removal from my mother's culture, and my struggle to be considered "Korean" by "full-Koreans."

My strong desire to "identify Korean" had never been supported by my full Korean mother, who used to tell me that I didn't "look Oriental" at all, with my double eyelids and medium-tall frame. She would often recall the time the two of us traveled to Korea, long ago, where I "stuck out like a sore thumb" amongst her family. She remembered everybody staring at me because I was so American-looking, so tall. Her intention was never to shame or criticize me; I think she was actually rather envious of my height and "exotic good looks."

 

Things are different now. For one, I spend very little time dwelling on how I can be "more Korean." In fact, the whole notion of forcing a cultural identity on myself seems almost ludicrous. I have a few Korean friends, I eat Korean food, I have ingrained in me certain qualities that I consider Korean (fierce familial loyalty, stubbornness, vengefulness, and pride); but, I know that these qualities are not exclusively Korean. I am as Korean as I want to be, and nobody can take that away from me.

Since all of that earlier worrying about my daughter finding her connection to the "old country," something wonderful has happened: my daughter has developed a very close connection with her Korean halmoni. She is learning Korean words, games, cultural traditions, and can even sing Arirang with a perfect accent! It has occurred to me that my daughter's connection to Korea, through my mother, is more profound than mine ever was. How can this be?

 

Maybe it's because Halmoni has mellowed out over the years. When I was born, my mom (who married my dad, an American) wanted nothing to do with Korea. She had left the country as a young girl -- not as a refugée, but as a foreign exchange student -- and never wanted to go back. Her early experiences in Korea were filled with nothing but awfulness: a harsh Japanese occupation, two wars, food scarcity, abuse, and fear. She wanted to erase her memories and immerse herself into Western culture, to start anew. Any of my attempts to learn about my mom's past, with a few exceptions, were shot down with, "Oh, I don't want to talk about that!" As a result, I grew up quite ignorant about Korea and my family's history.

Now, enough time has passed for my mom's childhood memories to have softened -- and she now enjoys telling my daughter about Korea. This is how my daughter is building a connection to her roots, my original goal. I didn't engineer this process in any way -- it happened gradually and organically -- and I could not be more pleased! Now, if only I could get the child to eat kimchi...

By Twizzle, who loves her mother dearly, even though the woman bugs the shit out of her.

Musings On Race: How Far We've Come

In light of yesterday’s beer-fest hosted by President Obama to quell racial tensions around the recent arrest of Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr., I have found my thoughts turning, once again, to race, ethnicity, and identity. This morning I listened to a call-in show on my San Francisco NPR station wherein this topic was addressed. Specifically, listeners were invited to share their thoughts on the Gates arrest and its aftermath, which President Obama says is a "teachable moment" on race in America. One caller on the show observed that her young child seemed to have no concept of race – that she had school friends of all colors, and based her decision on whether or not to befriend someone on their behavior and character, and not on their skin color.

Korean-American Identity Redux

I haven’t been feeling very Korean lately. Well, let me clarify: I haven’t had time to give much thought to “being Korean,” engaging in Korean cultural activities, observing Korean holidays or traditions, or hanging out with Korean people. Other than my mom, that is.

With some regret, I have been too busy these past few months to participate in the Kimchi Mamas community – and have been remiss in writing posts, commenting, or even reading. When Kimchi Mamas first started, I was waaaay into the concept. I felt I had found my tribe – at last – for the first time ever, and hungrily ate up every word that was posted, read every comment on the blog, and found myself deeply engaged in every debate and dialogue that came up. It was a new thing for me, after all: hanging with a group of smart Korean American women, many of whom had similar cultural experiences to mine.

Then I got busy. I changed jobs in Sept. ’07 and this new one was so demanding that I no longer had time to breathe, let alone blog, any longer. And that’s how it’s been for the past year and four months. Until last Friday, when I quit my job, and now join the ranks of the unemployed. I know it’s probably the worst time in more than a decade to be unemployed, but I felt compelled to “choose life” over the soul-crushing assignment that I had endured for more than a year. The job was causing so much stress that I was neglecting my child, my husband, and my self. It was no good for anybody, and I am pleased with my decision.

When I go back to read some of my old posts on KM – many of which deal with issues of Asian-American (and hapa) identity, I realize how much I’ve changed, and possibly evolved. No longer do I pine for acceptance as a “real Korean” by the community of Korean-born people whom I sometimes encounter. No longer do I feel desperately afraid that, once Halmoni dies, my hapa (quarter Korean) daughter will no longer have a connection to “the old country.” I no longer wish to be 100% Korean, or wish I were born there, so that Koreans will consider me to be authentic.

The fact is, I have come to be quite happy with who I am -- a hapa Korean-American woman -- and know that nothing can change that. Most assuredly, I’ll never be considered a “real Korean” by most Korean-born people, including my mother, as the definition of such a person has quite narrow parameters; however, I don’t care! I actually feel more of a kinship with Barack Obama (a biracial person) than I do with many Korean Koreans!

My daughter, who’s now old enough to be interested in culture, national origin, and ethnicity, is proud to say that she’s Korean, Scottish, Canadian, American, and a Californian. And Halmoni’s omnipresence in my daughter’s life provides constant exposure to Korean traditions, foods, and culture -- the exact same stuff I got as a kid.

Don't get me wrong: I do appreciate things Korean and very much want to be connected to my culture and ancestry. In the future, I’d like to make more of an effort to pay attention to Korean holidays, like Lunar New Year, Chuseok, among others; but that’s about as far as I feel the need to go.

I no longer relate to that Groucho Marx joke – vis-à-vis being Korean – wherein one wants fervently to join the club that will have nothing to do with her. I can change my own ethnic self-perception, but I can’t change how others see me. And in the immortal words of Phillip Marlowe in Robert Altman’s 1973 classic, The Long Goodbye, “It’s okay with me.”

By Twizzle, who still can't get over how much free time she suddenly has!

Bi-Racial Participants Sought for Obama documentary!

Dear Kimchi Mamas and Readers:

I just received the following annoucement from the folks at the Hapa Project (led by Kip Fulbeck - author of 100% Hapa). Please follow the link if you are interested!

Happy New Year!

Twizzle

***

Journalist and TV personality Veronica De La Cruz is looking for people to be interviewed for an OBAMA documentary:

Did you grow up mixed-race? Bi-racial? Wiling to share your story? How do you feel an Obama presidency might change people's perspectives on race?

Are you tech-savvy? Do you blog, vlog or have a video journal? 

Did you do campaign for Obama and use the web or new media? How so? 

We want to hear from you!! Please drop us an email and preferably a video explaining why you would make a great subject for the documentary. 

Reach out to us: [email protected]

http://www.allthingscnn.com/2008/11/getting-to-knowveronica-de-la-cruz.html

12 Things My Korean Mother Taught Me

Like many of you probably do, I have a love/hate relationship with my Korean mother. One day she's the most wonderful, supportive and generous person in the world. On another, she'll say the most hurtful and humiliating things, making me want to hurl a toaster through the window. Still - no matter what, she's my mom and I love her to death!

Today, I present you with twelve gems that I have learned from my mother during my life time. A couple of them are even useful!

1. Always bring a sweater or jacket when you go out. No matter what the weather is.

2. Never quit. Because by doing so, you are giving your oppressors what they want.

3. Take a job with a good pension plan, sink your claws in, and never leave until you retire.

4. Never marry a Korean man. (My apologies, Kimchi guys!)

5. Why pay full price for anything when there's Ross?

6. Never throw away a dirty old dishrag until it becomes completely threadbare.

7. Sunday night dinner's leftovers are still good eating on Thursday.

8. Americans are obsessed with bathing. There's no need to shower every day, or wash one's hair more than once a week.

9. Seaweed soup (mi-yuk gook) helps restore lost blood after childbirth. Eat lots of it!

10. Bearing a child and being a parent is the only important thing in life.

11. Being a "do-gooder" by caring about "the environment" and being civically engaged are typical behaviors of the flaky, hippie people of Berkeley. Nobody else in the world cares about these things.

12. A Korean mother's love is a fierce and powerful thing. If you hate each other one day, you will forgive and forget the next. Because blood is thicker than water.

-- By Twizzle, who has been a slacker Kimchi Mama lately, but hopes to get back into regular blogging soon.

KORYO SARAM: The Unreliable People

Attn: Bay Area Kimchi Mamas

The Center for Korean Studies at the University of California, Berkeley, presents
KORYO SARAM: The Unreliable People - a Film Screening and a Conversation with the Directors, Y. David Chung and Matt Dibble on Friday, October 24, 2008.

See link for details: http://ieas.berkeley.edu/events/2008.10.24a.html

Hapa Kids Photo Shoot in Santa Barbara

Kip Fulbeck, author of the book Part Asian, 100% Hapa, will be doing a photo shoot of hapa children at the University of California, Santa Barbara, this weekend. Full details are below. Please contact Lindsay at the Hapa Project is you are interested in participating.

Thanks,

Twizzle

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MIXED KIDS PHOTO SHOOT at the University of California, Santa Barbara this weekend!

UCSB Arts Building Photo Studio - Arts 0242

Sunday, September 14th, 2008 11:00 AM - 2:00 PM

Big-Ass Korean-American Girl

Recent posts about body image and the dark/light skin debate have inspired me to write about the topic of size. Specifically, my size. For those of you who haven’t met me in person, I am the product of a teeny-tiny Korean mother (100 lbs, 5 feet tall) and a large, American Anglo-Saxon father (190 lbs, 6’2”).

I measure 5’7” tall and ain’t nobody ever called me lithe or svelte. Let's just say I’m zaftig. I’ve always been okay with my size and shape (though more now than when I was an insecure teenager) – except for the one time I went to Korea.

I was fifteen at the time, and stood at the height I am now; however, my figure was much more, uh, nubile. Anyway, being at least a head taller than every other Korean woman around, I stuck out like a sore thumb. People gawked and stared at me in the streets, and my family members – whom I was meeting for the first time – would not stop commenting to my mom (in Korean, which I didn’t understand) about my appearance. (Mind you, they had positive things to say!) Still, I felt very self-conscious during that visit.  In fact, I can hardly believe I was brave enough to visit a public bath house with my mom, aunts, and cousins – stripping down totally nekkid – without thinking twice! I remember feeling quite comfortable, once denuded, and wishing that there were bathhouses like that back home in California.

Stuff Korean Moms Like Blog

The Stuff Korean Moms Like blog -- written by a Korean woman named Chiyo about her crazy Korean mother -- has been mentioned before (in a comment), but I wanted to give it an "official" plug from Kimchi Mamas. Check it out -- it's freakin' hilarious!

I especially loved this post about Korean Moms hoarding plastic bags! So true!!

"Oriental" Makes me Cringe

My mom told me that yesterday she and Honeybee (my quappa-Korean daughter) were watching CNN and an "Oriental lady" came on the screen. My daughter immediately pointed out, "Look, Halmoni! That lady looks like you!"

My mom finds it remarkable that Honeybee, newly-turned-four, is already able to recognize "Orientals" on TV. I'm not surprised by this, actually. About six months ago, Honeybee commented on a picture of Kristi Yamaguchi, "Mummy, that looks like you!" How could I not be flattered? Kristi is hot!

What bugs me, though, is the obvious: Oriental? We live in the San Francisco Bay Area, for fuck's sake (though my mom is a relative new-comer here)! How many times have I corrected her that, around here (and in this modern world), "Oriental" has become "Asian" or "Asian American." She just shrugs and thinks that people are too sensitive, and continues to use the old Euro-centric term (and continues to deny that organic food has any value or that there's a reason to re-use plastic bags).

My mom also has the annoying habit of mentioning a person's race (except if they're the default: white) when describing them. 

"A black man from Pacific Gas and Electric came to fix my circuit breaker today."
"A Mexican woman  cut in front of me at Ross Dress for Less today."
"A nice Oriental lady helped me in the hosiery department at Macy's today."

You get the picture.

I am most offended by the "black man" description, as mom tends to say this often (we live in Oakland!) and in ear shot of African American people ... all the damned time. I cringe whenever I hear it.

Most importantly, I don't want my child to start describing people by their ethnicity when it has no bearing on what's being talked about.  Sure, there are instances when it's appropriate to describe a person by their ethnicity: when you're descrbing a perpetrator of a crime, for instance, and probably in other not-so-extreme situations; however, when a serviceman comes over to fix your plumbing, does race have anything to do with it?

P.S. The accompanying image of the egg timer is an Alessi product, which has an interesting blog post that goes along with it.  Discuss.