Kimchi Mamas

Korean-American Mommy Blogging and the Culture of Shame (and BlogHer '08)

I attended BlogHer '08 in San Francisco last week and had the pleasure of running into three other Kimchi Mamas: Stefania, Glennia, and Nina. I also came across Motherhood Uncensored – whom I’d never met before but recognized from her picture and pregnant belly – next to the breakfast pastries. (Y’all looked gorgeous, by the way!) 

One thing I couldn’t help but notice at the conference was the preponderance of Caucasian women among the attendees. Sure, I spotted a smattering of African American women and a sprinkling of Latinas; however, I found very, very few Asian American women there. I wondered why this was, and then realized it probably had something to do with the culture of shame that many Asian Americans (Koreans?) are brought up in. Instead of generalizing that all Asian Americans share this mind-set, let me share my own personal, Korean-American perspective on this idea:

Korean Parents - a New Song by Randy Newman

Just learned about this new song by Randy Newman, "Korean Parents," that comes out next month. Some of the lyrics go like this:

Some Jewish kids still trying
Some white kids trying too
But millions of real American kids don’t have a clue
Right here on the lot
We got the answer
A product guaranteed to satisfy …

Korean parents for sale
You say you need a little discipline
Someone to whip you into shape
They’ll be strict but they’ll be fair

Look at the numbers
That’s all I ask
Who’s at the head of every class?
You really think they’re smarter than you are
They just work their asses off
Their parents make them do it …

Apparently, Newman is bracing himself for an onslaught of vitriol from pissed-off Koreans ... because, as a Jewish guy, what right does he have to talk shit about the way Koreans raise their kids? Especially vis-a-vis rigid discipline and high standards of achievement.

Personally, I am not offended by this song; in fact, I am highly fond of Randy Newman's work -- his 1974 album, Good Old Boys, in particular -- which provides sharp commentary on black/white race relations in the South. I also remember Newman's hit, Short People, from the mid-seventies (am I dating myself?!), which raised the hackles of many an altitudinally challenged person back then.  Funny, because the song was meant to be tongue-in-cheek and was really about accepting all people as they are.

What do you think? Will this song piss you off when it comes out? Are you already pissed off?

The Reluctant Kimchi Mama

 Although I am one of the original Kimchi Mamas, I have not been a regular poster for some time now. For the most part, my absence is due to a demanding full-time job that sucks up most of my life, even though I consider work to be a lesser priority than my family. When I am not working as a fundraiser for a Major State University, I am juggling the needs of my family, including a radiant four-year old daughter; a terrific forty-three year old husband; and a humble, old hound.*

Because the Kimchi Mamas community has grown so much over the past year, I’d like to take this opportunity to re-introduce myself. I am Twizzle, an online moniker I’ve used since the early nineties when I first started using email. While I think frequently about outing myself and using my real name on this blog (and on my personal one), I always get cold feet and decide against it. Why must I hide behind a thin cloak of anonymity? Primarily to protect my family. I suppose if I were to blog only about myself, I would feel more free to use my real name; however, because I write so voluminously about my daughter, I feel that I owe it to her to protect her privacy, as well as safeguard her from any malefactors who might comb through Asian American mom blogs for whatever perverted reason.

My Mother: The Reluctant Korean

Mom and I both had it marked on our calendars: a film called Grandmother’s Flower, a 2008 Korean documentary about a large, extended Korean family that still feels repercussions from the Korean War. The film was showing as part of the 26^th San Francisco International Asian American Film Festival, which runs through March 23^rd at selected Bay Area venues.

In Grandmother’s Flower, filmmaker Mun Jeong-hyun focuses on his own journey of discovering the truth about his family’s strife-torn history: it is a painful documentary of village tensions, political torture and killings, and inter-familial rifts.

Mom and I both watched the film with rapt attention, never looking at or whispering to each other during the presentation. There were a few animated sequences in the film that I found difficult to watch: they were crude, black and white cartoon images showing, for instance, a man cutting off his own testicles and tongue and putting them into a cauldron. These scenes would always end with a fade to bright, blood red, making me squirm.

Oh, Sandra!

I find it deeply troubling that Maxim magazine has rated Sandra Oh as the third most “un-sexy” celebrity. The survey says that men don’t find appealing Oh’s boyish figure and cold demeanor; but, damn if I can’t help thinking that it’s her small eyes and, well, Korean look that people are reacting against.

This whole survey is stupid and cruel, but I just had to say something. What’s wrong with these people? Sandra Oh is totally HOT!

One Way Or Another: Asian American Art Now

If you live in the Bay Area, I highly recommend that you visit the University of California, Berkeley Art Museum to see a new exhibition titled, One Way or Another: Asian American Art Now. In addition to seeing your very own Twizzle’s pull-over sweater incorporated into an installation called Unraveling by Korean-born artist, Jean Shin, you can see a taxidermic pig wrapped in cow skin; provocative videos of a young Japanese-American artist in her bra and panties encountering fat, old men;  remarkable sculptures of ordinary objects (e.g., a Formica kitchen cupboard, a public waste bin) created solely of canvas; a video featuring a woman dressed up in a shrimp costume dancing on the sidewalk; and much more. All of the art featured in this exhibit deals with "post-identity" issues among young Asian American artists. The exhibition was organized by the Asia Society Museum in New York, and conceived by its director, Melissa Chiu; Susette S. Min, assistant professor of Asian American studies and art history at UC Davis; and Karin Higa, senior curator of art at the Japanese American National Museum in Los Angeles. There’s something for everyone in this show, so don’t miss out, and support the visual arts at UC Berkeley!

EDITED TO ADD:  The Los Angeles presentation of this exhibit will take place at the Japanese American National Museum, from Feb. 9 to May 2, 2008.

Open Thread Thursday

What's on your mind today?

--The Kimchi Mamas

This Time It's Personal!

Bullet-riddled body of S. Korean found.

Maybe He Took Violin Lessons

An interesting article in Sunday's SF Chronicle on children and self-esteem compares  the Asian (Confucian) model of humility (i.e., "Aw shucks, I'm not all that...") to the rampant narcissism that exists among many American  kids today. The poster boy used to illustrate this more healthy Asian sensibility is Funtwo, a guitar virtuoso whose YouTube video has been watched by more than 24 million viewers!  While Funtwo's rock video made me smile, the newspaper article made me think twice about breaking into applause every time my three-year-old daughter manages to chew and swallow a stem of broccoli!

-Twizzle

Going Veg

After much pondering, I've decided to try becoming a vegetarian. My reasons are numerous, but they mostly boil down to these facts: I want to lower my cholesterol; I need to lose about twenty pounds; and I want to be kinder to animals. Some of you may know that my 3-year-old daughter is an avid livestock fan and a major afficionado of the pastoral life: she is absolutely obsessed with sheep, goats, and cows (along with Thomas the motherfucking Tank Engine!) and most weekends we find ourselves feeding and petting these delightful domesticated animals at a nearby public farm. I adore livestock almost as much as my daughter does, and have lately begun to feel like a hypocrite--not to mention physically gross--whenever I eat a hamburger. The answer seems simple: eliminate meat from my diet!